Full House Scripts - Season 1

No Teaser

Nighttime. Jesse is downstairs with a baseball bat when Joey sees him
Joey and Jesse: Ahhhhhh(Danny comes in)
Danny: Joey what's going on down here.What's all the screamin about?
Joey:Danny this psycho was about to mash my potato.
Jesse:I was not.I heard a noise down here.I thought it was a prowler.
Joey:Liar!
Jesse:Shh.It's all right.I think it's all over here.(DJ and Steph come down)
DJ:Hello
Danny:Don't ever say hello to your father like that again.
Stephanie:Do you guys play baseball every night after we go to sleep?
Joey: Well acutally girls your holding a bat because he's uh a wee bid miffed at me.
Jesse:A wee bit miffed.I'm miffed off.When I think about what you did to me tonight.
Joey:Come on Jesse.Let's let bygones be bygones.
Jesse:Allright.Bye.Your gone.
Danny:I don't know what's gong on here by why doin't you guys just stop this and give each other a hug or a high five.
Jesse:I'm not in the mood.Do you know whY?I tell you why.It's all because of a little story entitled "Mean Mr.,Joey stabs sweet innocent Uncle Jesse in the back"
DJ:Story time.
Stephanie:Yup.
Danny:Girls you don't want to hear "Mean mr.Joey stabs sweet innocent Uncle Jesse in the back" do you?
DJ:Yeah,It's got a great title.
Danny:Alright one quick story but don't even think about staying up to watch Letterman.
Jesse:It all started last week.The exterminator business was slow.So I decied to start teaching guitar.As I was waiting for my new student to show up

flashback in Jesse's room and he is playing guitar
Jesse: She's a lady..no shes not...shes a woman...no..shes a muchacho?Mabey she's a man. (DJ walks in)
DJ:Uncle Jesse there's a girl here to see you.This one's great.
Jesse:Uh that must be my new guitar student.
DJ:Yeah right.Come on in.
Corrina:Hi.I'm Corrina Spicer.
Jesse:I'm Jesse Cochran.
DJ:I'm otta here.
Jesse:Corrina it's a real pretty name.So welcome to the Jesse Cochran school of music.(takes guitar)
Corrina:Instering decor.I don't meet alot of men with little pick bunnies on their walls.
Jesse:I'm also a musketeer.
Corrina:I like that in a man.
Jesse:Good because today is anything-can-happen day.Here you go.Take a seat.Why?Because we like you.(they laugh)I kill myself.
Corrina:Well Jesse.I have to warn you that i have absolutely no musical experience.I teach 2nd grade and i wanna accompany my kids on sing alongs.
Jesse:That's wonderful.You get to work with children.I love youngsters.(Stephanie walks in)
Stephanie:Uncle Jesse.
Jesse:Not now.
Corrina:Oh.
Jesse:Oh poor Mr.Teddy.I'll tell you what.As soon as we're done I'll help you sew Mr.Teddy's head right back on the Mr.Teddy's body.Ok honeybunch sugar pie?
Stephanie:Honeybunch,sugar pie?This is weird. (to Corrina) You're pretty.Watch him.(leaves)
Jesse:My little neice is just so cute.Ok back to music.Alright now I'm gonna teach you two simple cords and in no time you're gonna be playing a song alriight?First cord it's a A cord. A cord..You're real pretty when you smile like that.Sorry back to music.Anyway the next cord would be a D cord which is this note and that note.Try that.
Corrina:Uh...(plays it)
Jesse:Perfect.Good.Now you have more musical knowledge then Twisted Sister.With those two cords you can play 374 tunes including such camfire favorites as..

Jesse’s voice only
Jesse: After the lesson i invited Corrina out for a little ride on me motorcycle.Seven hours later.(coming out of living roomdoor)Ahh you see that's "The Power of Love"That's good,You wanna stay and have a drink?
Corrina:Uh i really can't.I have other plans.But thank you for a great day.Guitar lesson and pinic by the bay candlelight dinner in wine country.You do this for all your students?
Jesse:Well that was the deluxe lesson.That will be 475 dollors.
Corrina:The checks in the mail.
Jesse:Oh really?
Corrina:I'll see you next lesson.Wednesday night?
Jesse:Ok Corrina.I had a really nice time today.(they kiss deeply)
DJ and Stephanie:Uhw!
Jesse:Those are my nieces.
Corrina:Bye Jesse.
Jesse:Goodbye Corrina (she leaves)Have mercy.Don't ever ooh when your uncle is kissing.

Joey is washing the dishes and Danny is drying them
Danny: (Holds up the pan he’s drying) Joey, This was actually cleaner when the food was cooking in it.
Jesse walks in in a dase, starts walking across the room
Danny: Jesse, We saved you some chili.
Jesse Sits down at the kitchen table
Jesse: I’m not hungry
Joey: Oh Brother, Not Again
Danny walks over to the kitchen table and sits down with Jesse
Danny: Okaay, What’s her name.
Jesse: Corrina
Danny: Corrina? Don’t you ever meet a Debbie or a Suzie.
Jesse gets up and starts to walk towards the living room door
Jesse: Fine, You can crack all the jokes you want, but I’m tellin’ ya, when our eyes met there was magic.
Joey: With you there’s always magic, you should wear a top hat and pull white doves out of your pants.
Jesse: Fine
Danny: In Jesses defence, when it comes to love I think anything is possible, I felt the same instant magic when I met Pam. She walked into my 10h grade geomatry class, sat down right next to me and I said (In a squeeky voice) “Hi, can a borrow your slide rule?”
Joey: I’m sorry, No sale boys, Love just does not happen that fast.
Jesse: Hey guys. You know how I know it’s real. I can’t stop smilin’. I’m just smilin’ away like I’m Nancy Regan. I just can’t stop smilin’.

Fades away back to the living room where they are telling the story in real life
Jesse: I’ve stopped, Thanks to him. Corrina and me were madly in love.
DJ: We did see him kissing.
DJ and Stephanie: (Look at each other) Eeeeeeeeew!
Jesse: (Talking to Joey) You backstabber. Why don’t you tell everyone what you did today.
Danny: Well could you pick up the pace a little bit. I’d like to get the girls to bed before Good Morning America.
Joey: Well, It was storming and Me, Danny, and the girls were getting ready to watch the Wizard Of Oz.

Few days later in the living room.Everyone but Jesse is there.Danny enters with popcorn.
Danny:Ok.Pop corn du jour.All in honor of Stephanie's first veiwing of The Wizard of Oz.
Stephanie:I'm psyched.
Danny:You should be honey.It's the sweestest little movie.There's this pretty girl Droothy and she's got this arorable little dog Toto.He gets kidnapped by this horrible witch.But she gets her dog back and her house flys throught the air and it lands on this other horrible witch whose feet curl up like party favors.Trust me honey.It's the sweested little movie.(Doorbell rings)
Joey:I'll get it.(Corrina is at door)Hi I'm uh Joey.Can i help you please.
Corrina:I'm here to see Jesse.
Joey:Aren't they all?
Corrina:I'm Corrina Spicer.I have a guitar lesson.
Joey:Oh uh Jesse called and said he's running a little bit late.Would you like to watch The Wizard of Oz with us.
Corrina:Oh yes my favorite movie.Yeah.
Joey:Ah mine too.Come on in.Uh Corrian this is Danny Stephanie DJ Michelle.Corrrina.
Corrina:Hi.
Everybody:Hi.
DJ: Oh dad.Something happened to the tv.It's snowing in Kanas.
Danny:Oh the cable goes down everytine there's a storm.
Stephanie:Fix it,
Danny:Steph this is not something I can fix.
Stephanie:Fix it.
Danny:Steph I'm gonna call the cable company.
Stephanie:You'll get a busy signal.Fix it.
Danny:Why wasn't I born a cable repairman?
Joey:Hey no problem.I do that Wizard of Oz bit in me act.
Stephanie:Somebody do something.I'm very upset.
Joey:Okay.Everybody gather around for the Wizard of Oz.Grab a seat right in front.Here we go. (taking various objects) Hyyyyhyyyy. Dorothy Dorothy.Auntie Em Auntie Em A twister a twister.It sure is scary around these parts.There's probally lions and tigars and bears oh my.Come on you guys.
Everybody:Lions and tigars and bears.Oh my.Lions and tigars and bears oh my.
Joey:Bhhh...ha ha ha.Put em up put em up.If I was the kinggg of the forestttt!IO am the great and powerful Oz.Ssssss...I'm melting melting.I fell like butter.You're always had the power to go back to Kanas.Just click your hells three times and say."There's no placel ike home.There's no place like home.There's no place like home.Hyyyy Dorothry wake up.You're teeth are finshed.(clapping)Well what did you think?
Stephanie:Fix it.
Corrina:Oh Joey I loved it.
Danny:Yeah that was a incredible simulation.I hope you don't feel bad when i rent the tape tomorrow.Ok girls come on.It's time to get into your pyjamas and ready for bed.
DJ and Stephanie:Oh...
Danny:It should only take five of six hours.
DJ:Good night Joey.
Stephanie:Good night.
Joey:Night.
Corrina:Good night(they leave)Oh great kids.
Joey:Yeah,there the greatest kids in the history of kids.
Corrina:I love how children are so open and natiural.I think that's why I went into teaching.
Joey:That's why I refused to grow up.
Corrina:Oh you seem pretty grown up to me.
Joey:Who me.The guy who keeps Abe Lincoln on a stick in his bedroom?
Corrina:Joey you are so funny.I think that a sense of humor is a very sexy quality in a man.Your girlfriend must adore you.
Joey:I don't have a girlfriend.
Corrina:You're not seeing anybody?
Joey:Well sort of.I'm seeing the dentist next Wednesday.
Corrina:Well if things don't work out between you and the dentist maybe you and I should get together.
Joey:Dr.Hoffman is pretty cute but he is married. So..uh..pick a time.
Corrina:How about right after my guitar lesson with Jesse?
Joey:Jesse Corrina Jesse yeah.Yeah.Uh excuse me I'm gonna go check on something in the kitchen.(into the kitchen)
Corrina:Need a hand?
Joey:No.I'm doing fine.
Corrina:What exactly are you checking on?
Joey:Oh just some random checking.Alright salt pepper duck stove sink fancet Jesse's girl.Well everything checks out.You know he's really crazy about you.
Corrina:Yeah well Jesse is really a terrific guy and had a really nice day together.But to be honest there was nothing really special between us.
Joey:That's not exactly how Jesse puts it.And if there's one thing in life that's sacred You never mess with a buddy's girl.
Corrina:But I am not his girl.All Jesse and I had between us was one innocent goodbye kiss.It was nothing really.It was one of these.(kisses him.Joey breaks it)
Joey:Oh that.Right there.There was nothing.
Corrina:It's how I kiss my grandmother.
Joey:You must be very close.
Corrina:It was like four lips shaking hands.Look we could try it again.(they do when Jesse is in)
Joey:Oh good.You're home.

Living room back to real life.
Joey:Where was I?
Jesse:I came in and found you kissing the woman of my dreams.
Joey:Oh yeah.Good memory.So there we were.

back to flashback Jesse has walked in found me kissing the woman of his dreams.
Joey:Oh good your home.
Jesse:What the hell is going on here?
Joey:Well Jesse actually it's very simple.Uh..Corrina was choking on some bad cheese?
Jesse:So you were not kissing.You were searching for cheese.
Joey:You look upset.
Jesse:Oh why would i be upset?You were saving the life of someone who is very special to me.
Corrina:Jesse...
Jesse:Corrina please.I'm really not in the mood to give a guitar lesson tonight.Besides you're probally still realing from that near death by cheese.Why don't you go home and pratice?
Joey:Jesse.Wait a minute.There's something I have to say.Corrirna really wasn't choking on any bad cheese.
Jesse:No!!
Joey:We were kissing.
Jesse:No!!!Corrina, Joey and I should probally uh have a word alone together.
Corrina:Look I..I'm really sorry if there was any misunderstanding.I didn't mean to cause any toruble.
Joey:Well there won't be any trouble. Jesse and I are very close friends well we will have a heart to heart and work this thing out in a very calm rational matter.
Corrina:Bye(she leaves)
Jesse:Come here come here.(Michelle room where Joey picks her up)
Joey:I have a baby in my hands.
Jesse:Really?
Joey:I'm warning you she's loaded.
Jesse:Put the baby down.
Joey:Not a chance.
Jesse:Good..ok fine.I'll wait.You gotta put the kid down sonething.In two or three days that diaper's gonna wiegh five to six hundred punds.
Joey:Jesse I'm really sorry.I should've stopped everything cold before any thing happened.I should have taked to you.
Jesse:Really.
Joey:Yeah..you..you..were right.I..I felt this instant magic and i fell in love with her.
Jesse:You fell in love with her.You can't fall in love with her man.I fell in love with her first.
Joey:I'm sorry but she likes me more.
Jesse: How can she like you more than she loves me?(Danny enters)
Danny:Boys stop this.Michelle has enough love in her for all of us.Don't make her choose.Now both of you give her a kiss.Go ahead.Give her a kiss.(they do)
Michelle: Au...jaija

Back to real life
Danny:Guys come here.
Jesse:What do you want?
Danny:Before you guys duel to the death lets have one more conversation to work things out.
Jesse:Not with this scum.
Danny:Ok then talk to me.Let me ask you a question or two about your beloved Corrina.What are the things she cares about most.What does she look for in a relationship with a man?Let's try this one.What color are her eyes?
Jesse:Hazel.
Joey:Green.
Jesse:Green Hazel.
Joey:Hazel Green.
Jesse:They have white around the edge don't they?
Danny:Anyone know her last name.
Jesse and Joey: Spicer
Danny:Pat Sajack knows more about his contestants.You know I don't think that you fell in love with Corrina.That takes time.I think maybe you fell in love with being in love.Am i right Jesse?
Jesse:Well I do seem to fall in love alot.But it's just because I'm hoping this is the one.I just wanna meet one nice spical girl I could spend my life with.
Danny:Oh Jesse everybody wants that.But you don't have to try so hard.When the right woman comes along you will really know it.
Joey:I could of sworn Corrina was it.Ha..maybe I did go a little overboard.I Guess I eas shocked that she liked me as much as i liekd her.
Jesse:Why are you shocked.Have a little faith in yourself.You're a good guy.As much as I hate to admit it.It seems like Corrina likes you more than she likes me.God I hate to admit it.Alright your not a scum.
Joey:I know that comes from your heart Jesse.
Danny:That was almost semi touching.(a noise)
Jesse:Did you hear that noise?I told you someone was out there (it's Corrina)
Corrina:Hi.
Jesse: Corrina What are you dong here.Come in.
Corrina:I..I really felt terrible about tonight and i came back to apologize.Then I heard chatting so I decided to go home.Then i felt even worse.I decided to come back.Look you both are great guys and I would hate to do anything to ruin your friendship.I'm really sorry and I am going to go home..again.Goodbye.
Jesse:Hold on a second.I may have met you first. but I think we all know who belongs together here.Why don't you take some time to get to know Joey.He's a good guy.He's got a pj problem but.
Joey:I love this guy.(hugs him)
Jesse:Hug her not me.
Joey:Sorry.
Jesse:You big Dummy.
Danny:Come on Jesse lets leave these two alone.By the way what were you really gonna do with that bat?
Jesse:I was going to kill him.
Danny:That's what i would have done.(they leave while Joey kisses Corrina)
DJ and Stephanie:Ywwwwww.
Joey:Goodnight.
DJ:Goodnight.
Joey:Goodnight.
Stephanie:Goodnight.
Joey:Goodnight.
Stephanie and DJ:Goodnight.

***End ***

Guest Cast:
Corrina Liz Keifer