Full House Scripts - Season 2

Teaser

We find Joey, Stephanie and Michelle in the living room. Stephanie is riding her bike.
Michelle: Stop.
Stephanie: Where you're heading tooch ?
Michelle: Kitchen.
Stephanie: Kitchen ? Hop on!
Michelle hops on the back of the bike and Stephanie rides towards the kitchen.
Stephanie: That will be 50 cents please.

(Jesse, Joey, and Michelle are in the kitchen. Jesse is folding socks)
Jesse: (singing) Okay, this crazy sock goes with this wacky sock. And this sock goes...(he holds up a small sock and a small sock) Well, at least it came out even, Michelle.
(Michelle pulls out her sock)
Michelle: My sock.
Jesse: Oh, there it is. Alright, where is my sock, poopy longstockings?
Michelle: Sock bye-bye.
Jesse: Sock bye-bye? Come here you! (he picks her up and kisses her. Danny comes in with groceries)
Danny: (singing) To all the girls I've loved before, who' ved traveled in and out my door, (he picks up Michelle) I'm glad they came along, I dedicate this song, to all the girls I've loved before!
Joey: Oh, yeah. Hey, uh, Danny, if you guys got some matching outfits, you could go on Dance Fever.
Danny: Life is so beautiful. I met someone today, at the market.
Jesse: Julio Iglesias?
Danny: Her name is Denise. We met in the produce section. She turned to me and said,"The broccolli looks fresh today." And I looked deep into her eyes and said,"It's a great source of fiber." Next thing I knew, she was coming over here for dinner tonight.
Jesse: Hold it a second, you picked up a woman at the market?
Joey: That wasn't on the shopping list.
Danny: Well, there's just one little snag, Denise had dinner plans with her two single friends tonight, so I told her,"Hey, I got two single roommates--
Jesse: Whoa, whoa, whoa, I do not go on blind dates, capisce?
Danny: Look, I'm bot going to beg you. Yes, I am. (he hugs him) Please, do it for me.
Jesse: Okay, I'll do it if you stop hugging.
Danny: You guys are the best.
Joey: Hey, Danny, why didn't you beg me?
Danny: Joey...
Joey: Okay, I'll do it.
Danny: Great. Okay, I'm with Denise and you guys are with Cheryl and Zoey.
Jesse: Zoey? (to Joey) She's your date.
Joey: Hey, why do I get Zoey?
Jesse: Because, Joey and Zoey, you already make a cute couple. Alright, let's make these girls something nice, huh? (he opens the frezzer, and pulls out a frozen sock.) Michelle, do you happen to know how my sock got in the freezer, young lady?
Michelle: Joey.
Joey: Jess, she's trying to frame me. Look at those shifty eyes. (Jesse kisses Michelle)

(In Stephanie and DJ's room, Danny is talking to DJ and Stephanie)
Danny: And I thought while Uncle Jesse, Joey, and I were having our little dinner party, you three girls could stay next door with the Gibblers.
Stephanie: I hate going there. All they do is watch the Home Shopping Network.
DJ: Dad, why don't you let me babysit? It's the perfect job for me.
Danny: DJ, babysitting is a big responsibility. But, since I'll be right downstairs I suppose we could give it a try. Steph, you mind your big sister.
Stephanie: You can't put DJ in charge of me.
Danny: Why not?
Stephanie: Because when you're around she's a sweet little angel. The moment you leave it's (as the wicked witch) I'll get you, my pretty.
DJ: Isn't she precious, hmm? Dad, don't worry. I'mm ready for the responsibility, I'm ready to be in charge, and I'm ready for 3 dollars an hour.
Danny: You want me to pay you 3 dollars and hour, to stay at home and spend an evening with your little sister?
DJ: Good point. 3.50.
Danny: 2.50.
DJ: Deal.
Danny: Deal. Why do I feel like I'm raising a used car salesman? (he leaves)
DJ: (as the wicked witch) I'll get you, my pretty, and your little bear too.

(In Danny's room, Jesse and Joey are getting Danny ready)
Danny: Guys, thanks for going on these blind dates tonight.
Joey: Danny, everything is gonna work out great.
Jesse: Yeah, we're there for ya. The important thing is that you have a good time tonight.
Danny: Thanks, Ican't belive I really met a woman. I was charming, I asked her out, and she said yes. I was like a real guy, wasn't I?
Jesse: Well, opposed to an inflattable guy, I say yes. Okay, open wide (he sprays breath spray in his mouth) Very good. It's a masterpiece. Check it out. (he brings out a mirror.)
Danny: Oh, yeah. No wonder she digs me, I'm happenin! You know, I've been thinking, maybe it's time to take my wedding ring off. What do you think?
Jesse: Well, it's your decision.
Joey: Yeah, Jesse's right.
Danny: Pam gave this to me 13 years ago. It's like a part of me.
Jesse: I know my sister and she'd want you to move on in your life.
Joey: Yeah, just because you start something new in your life, doesn't make your memories any less special.
Danny: Thanks guys. What would I do without you?
Jesse: Well, you'd be stuck with 3 dates tonight. Which wouldn't be so bad.
(Jesse and Joey leave. Danny takes off his wedding ring and puts it on the dresser.)

(In DJ and Stephanie's room, DJ is on the phone with Kimmy, watching TV.)
DJ: Kimmy, this babysitting job is such a peice of cake. I get paid 2.50 an hour to watch TV and have Stephanie wait on me hand and foot. (Stephanie come in with a tray)
Stephanie: Okay here's your popcorn, your soda, TV Guide, extra napkins, and salt.(she puts the tray on DJ's bed)
DJ: Thank you. Now will you get my slippers for me, please?
Stephanie: Now the queen wants her slippers. We have to keep your majesty happy. (she goes into the closet and gets DJ's slippers) Slippers.
DJ: Aren't you gonna put them on me?
Stephanie: I'm not touching your cootie feet!

(Meanwhile, Danny, Jesse, and Joey are going downstairs)
{doorbell}(Danny answers the door, it's Cheryl and Zoey.)
Danny: Hi. I'm Danny, come on in.
Cheryl and Zoey: Hi.
Danny: Where's Denise? She backed out, didn't she? I knew it. Well, you guys have fun, I'll just catch a movie or something.
Cheryl: Denise is just trying to find a parking space.
Danny: Oh, great!(he goes outside) park on the sidewalk!
Jesse: I'm Jesse.
Cheryl: I'm Cheryl.
Zoey: I'm Zoey.
Joey: I'm a happy camper. Uh, Zoey, what an unusual name. Are you one of Frank Zappa's kids?
(Jesse and Cheryl laugh)
Zoey: I was named after my grandmother. It was her dying wish that her name live on.
Joey: Ouch.
Jesse: Well, this is going along swimmingly. Why don't I jet into the kitchen and check on my cheese delights, shall I? Joseph, you're on a roll. (he leaves)
(Danny and Denise come in)
Denise: Danny, hi.
Danny: Hi.
Denise: I brought you these. (she gives him a bouqet)
Danny: Oh, a broccoli bouqet. You remembered our vegetable. I'd like you to meet my best friend Joey.
Denise: Hi.(Jesse comes in)
Danny: Oh, and that's my brother-in-law--
Denise: Jesse.
Jesse: Denise.
Denise: I never thought I'd see you again.(she hugs him)
Danny: Have you two met?
Denise: Well, we were sort of involved, a whil back.
Danny: You're THAT Denise?
Cheryl: This is THE Jesse?
Zoey: The one you named your puppy after?
Jesse: Well, that's all ancient history now. The important thing is my wonderful brother-in-law and a dear old friend have stumbled upon eachother and quite frankly folks, don't they make a cute couple? {ding} Well, saved by the cheese delights.
Joey: you're on a roll, Jess.
Jesse: Shut up. (he leaves)

(Stephanie and Michelle walk into the bathroom,in Danny's clothes)
Stephanie: Come on, Michelle, follow me. Who do we look like, Michelle?
Michelle: Daddy.
Stephanie: Now we're gonna smell like daddy. (she goes to open the medicine cabinet, DJ comes in)
DJ: Freeze, nerd bombers! What are you doing dressed in dad's stuff?
Stephanie: I tryied to stop her. Shame on you, Michelle.
DJ: I can't take my eyes off you children for a minute. Okay, now take all of dad's stuff off, NOW.
Stephanie: Okay, don't have a hissy fit.
DJ: Hey that's dad's watch! And his wedding ring!(she takes them off Stephanie) I'm in charge, and I say you both are in really big trouble.(she puts them by the sink, the ring goes down the drain) Dad's wedding ring went down the drain!
Michelle: Uh-oh.
Stephanie: Okay, Michelle's in bed. Did you get dad's wedding ring out of the drain yet?
DJ: No, but I got a plan.(she takes a tie off of Stephanie's neck)If we stick this gum at the end of a tie, I'll just stuff the tie down the drain, and when the ring sticks to the gum, I'll pull it out, and whala.
Stephanie: you're gonna ruin dad's tie.
DJ: The ring is more important than the tie. You're so dumb.
Stephanie: I'm dumb? Who knocked the ring down the drain, Miss Rocket Scientist?
DJ: Okay, wait, Ithink I got it.(she pulls) Oh, no. It's stuck!!
Stephanie: Well, I say the day's about shot. Good night.
DJ: Freeze! I have to take this sink apart, and you have to help me get dad's toolbox.
Stephanie: If I help you, will you let me stay up late and do whatever I want?
DJ:Sure, why not? I'll never be in charge again.

(back in the kitchen, the adults are having dinner; Jesse arranges it so Danny and Denise are sitting together)
Jesse: Well, doesn't that look like a Hallmark card, huh?
Joey: Jess, this looks great. You are the king of blackened swordfish.
Denise: I remember the first time we ate blackened swordfish. That weekend in New Orleans?
Danny: You're that Denise, too?!
Jesse: Joseph, help me out here, will you?
Joey: Yeah, she's that Denise too.(Jesse looks at him) Oh, gotcha. Uh, does anyone here like impressions?
Cheryl: Oh, I love impressions!
Jesse: Oh, he's great.
Joey: Thanks, Jess. This is kind of a weird one, this is Jimi Hendrix on guitar. Here we go.(he imitates the guitar)
Zoey: Jimi Hendrix was a great artist who lived a tortured and tragic life.
Joey: Ouch.(Stephanie comes into the kitchen)
Stephanie: Hi! I'm Stephanie Judith Tanner. I live upstairs!
Danny: Then why aren't you upstairs living?
Stephanie: Because I came down to teach you a new song I learned in school today.(singing) If you're happy and you know it clap your hands! Come on everybody!
Everyone: If you're happy and you know it clap your hands! If you're happy and you know it than you smile and surely show it. If you're happy and you know it clap you're hands.
Stephanie: If you're happy and you know it cover your eyes.
Everyone: If you're happy and you know it cover your eyes.(DJ comes downstairs, grabs the toolbox and they run upstairs) If you're happy and you know it than you smile and surely show it..(they stop. Joey and Cheryl stand up)
Joey and Cheryl: If you're happy and you know it wiggle your ears. If you're happy and you know it wiggle your...

(in the bathroom)
DJ: Okay, this has to be the right pipe. Now, when the ring falls out, catch it. Are you ready?
Stephanie: I'm ready, DJ.(she turns the wrench; water spills everywhere)
Stephanie and DJ: AAAHHHH!
DJ: Did you catch the ring?!
Stephanie: Did I catch the ring?! Do I look like I caught the ring?!
DJ: Do you know how to turn this off?!
Stephanie: Another stupid question!!
DJ: Well, give me something to catch the water in!
Stephanie: Got it!(she grabs the trash can, DJ catches the water)
DJ: Great, it's working! But it's filling up fast, get me something bigger!
Stephanie: Got it!
DJ: This is worth more than 2.50 an hour!(Stephanie comes back with a bowl of popcorn)
Stephanie: Here's a big bowl!
DJ: It's full of popcorn!(Stephanie starts eating it) Stephanie, justthrow it away!(she drops the bowl)Here.(DJ put the water in the bowl)
Stephanie: Now what?
DJ: Just get rid of the water!(Stephanie pours it in the sink)
Stephanie: I did it!(It comes out another pipe)
DJ: You did nothing! What do we do?!
Stephanie: Let's get in our bathing suits!

(In the kitchen, Zoey's doing dishes)
Zoey: Danny, your water pressure's a little low.
Danny: That should be my only problem.
(Jesse's helping Denise put coffee on a tray)
Jesse: There it is.
Denise: Thanks.
Danny: Hi.
Denise: Hi.(she looks at Jesse) I'll be in the living room.(she leaves)
Danny: Jess, is there a woman in this city, you haven't dated?
Jesse: Danny, Denise and I are over. Done with. Ahe came here tonight because you two had a magical moment in the produce section.
Danny: You really think so?
Jesse: Of course. She brought you a bouqet of broccoli. No woman's ever brought me broccoli. Now, you get your fanny in there and you turn on that vegetable charm, alright? Get 'em champ.(Danny goes into the living room)
(Jesse walks over to Cheryl)
Jesse: Cheryl, can I give you a hand with those glasses?
Cheryl: Denise is my best friend!
Jesse: Sorry, way out of line for asking. Excuse me.

(in the living room, Danny and Denise are on the couch)
Danny: Listen Denise...I know this may be kind of awkward, with Jesse and all. It is for me.
Denise: Danny, I am so sorry. I'm not being fair to you. I'm just going to put Jesse out of my mind. I came here tonight because I thought you were sweet and charming.
Danny: Now what do you think?
Denise: I still think you're sweet and charming.
Danny: That is so sweet and charming, for you to say that I'm sweet and charming.(he trys to kiss her, but she turns her head)
Denise: Danny...
Danny: Ooh! I cut my lip on your earring.
Denise: Danny, I'm so sorry. I just can't stop thinking about Jesse.
Danny: No, it's okay, it's my fault. I have very bad eye to lip coordination. I you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go into the kitchen and clot.(he goes into the kitchen, Cheryl and Zoey are leaving) Excuse me, excuse me.
Joey: How'd it go?
Danny: I cut my lip kissing Denise.
Jesse: That girl's a wild animal.
Danny: I missed her lip and kissed her earring. Jess, she's still hung up on you.
Jesse: Sorry, Danny.
Joey: Hey, if it makes you feel any better, my date hates my guts.
Jesse: Promise you, next time it's gonna go smooth sailing.(Danny looks up, water falls from the ceiling)Can't sail without water!

(In the bathroom, DJ and Stephanie are trying to catch the water)
DJ: Switch!(they switch places)
Stephanie: DJ, how long do we have to do this? My fingers look like little pink raisins!(Danny, Jesse, and Joey come in)
Guys: Whoa!
DJ: Uh, dad, everything is under control!
Danny: Under control?! Everything's under water!
(Jesse turns off the water)
DJ:(to Jesse) Yay! How'd you do that?
Jesse: I turned the water valve off, girls.
Stephanie: Let's remember that for next time.
(Joey tries to pull the tie)
Joey: You kids have bee watching too much Double Dare.
Stephanie: Don't look at me, she's the babysitter.
DJ: Dad, I'm really sorry. I accidentally dropped your wedding ring down the drain.
Danny: My wedding ring. Alright, everybody out of the pool.(Everyone goes into the hallway, where Denise, Cheryl, and Zoey are) Excuse me. I need a moment alone with my daughter.
DJ: Nice to meet you. (they leave.)
Stephanie: I think I'm going to tuck myself tight into bed and get a full nights sleep. I'm the good daughter.(she leaves) {crying}
Joey: I'll go take care of Michelle. My guess is she's wet, too.
Cheryl: Oh, let me help you. I love babies.(they go into Michelle's room)
Denise: Jesse, can I talk to you for a minute?
Jesse: Sure.(to Zoey) Excuse us.
(They go into Jesse's room)
Denise: You know, maybe this is all happening so that we could have a second chance.
Jesse: You know, Danny really likes you.
Denise: Jesse, I can't believe you didn't feel anything when you saw me standing there tonight.
Jesse: Look, timing's all off between us. And if things don't work out with you and Danny, that's okay, but I don't want to be the reason.
Denise: I understand. It just wasn't ment to be. But I just have one more question.
Jesse: Oh, yeah. What's that?
Denise: Why are you living in a room with so many little pink bunnies?
Jesse: Well, I started off with two, and then...

(In Michelle's room)
Joey:(as Kermit) Um, look animal, isn't Michelle cute? (as the animal) Okey dokey, Kermit!
Cheryl: How adorable.
Joey: Oh, did you hear that Michelle? She thinks you're adorable.
Cheryl: I was talking about you.
Joey: Did you hear that Michelle? She thinks I'm adorable.
Michelle: Pretty.
Joey: Yeah, she's very pretty.

(In Danny's room)
DJ: I felt so bad about losing your ring. I know I should have come to you in the first place, but I panicked.
Danny: Well, okay. Don't let it happen again.
DJ: Wait a minute. That's the worst dad speech I've ever heard.
Danny: I'm sorry, Deej. Not that you deserve a good dad spech. I've just had a horrible night. Denise and I didn't hit it off. I guess I'm just not the dating type.
DJ: That's not true. You're tall, you're smart, and you're handsome. Dad, you're a fox. If some girl's too dumb to see that, you don't want her anyway.
Danny: Thanks, Deej. That's the best daughter speech I've ever heard.{knock}(it's Zoey)
Zoey: I found your ring.
DJ: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! Well, good night dad. Oh, and about my babysitting money, forget the tip.
(she leaves)
Danny: Thank you. This means a lot to me. How did you find it?
Zoey: It was on the floor. I just went in to clean up. You see, I can't stand a messy bathroom.
Danny: Really. I love that in a woman.

(In the living room, the guys are with their dates)
Denise: Danny, thanks for a nice evening.
Danny: You're very welcome.(He moves her earring and kisses her cheek.)(Joey kisses Zoey, Jesse kisses Cheryl)
(They switch dates, Danny with Zoey, Jesse with Denise, Joey with with Cheryl)
Jesse: Denise, I'm glad you and I finally got to say goodbye as friends.
Denise: Me too, Jesse thanks.
Joey: I really enjoyed meeting you.
Cheryl: Same here. You are a lot of fun.(they kiss)
Joey: You're a lot of fun, too.
Danny: Remember, always presoak your fine washables.
Zoey: In tipid water.(they kiss)
Danny: Have Mercy.
Zoey: Call me.
Cheryl: (to Joey) Call me, too.
Denise: Jesse, don't call me.(they leave)
Danny: And you guys were worried that blind dates wouldn't work out.
Joey: Hey, the night turned out great. Bathroom's still a mess.
Danny: I got it, boys. I'm feeling so good, I might just clean the whole house.(singing) To all the girls I've loved before...(he leaves)
Joey: Well, Jess, I gotta go catch that girl!

***End ***

Guest Cast:
Denise: Rebecca Bush
Cheryl: Diane Brodie
Zoey: Jennifer McAllister