Full House Scripts - Season 2

Teaser:

We find Michelle in her room,with a music box
Michelle: (Singing) baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby...
Then Jesse walks in...
Jesse: Hey, hi hi hi hi.
Michelle: (Stops singing) You sing.
Jesse: It sounds great, why did you stop ? Keep singing.
Michelle: Please ?
Jesse: Okay, I'll sing your song. (Singing) baby,baby, baby...
Michelle: Stop! My turn. (Singing) baby, baby, baby, baby...
Jesse: Hey, you wrote it, you sing it.
Michelle keeps singing, as Jesse leaves the room...

We find Danny, Jesse, Stephanie, DJ, Michelle, and Joey in the front room with cleaning supplies
Danny: Good morning, troops. It is now oh-seven-hundred, and it's time to attack the enemy. Grease, grime, slime, sludge,... and that's just Joey's room. Now, what is dirt?
Michelle: Dirt bad.
Danny: I can't hear you.
Michelle: (shouting) Dirt bad!
Stephanie: (to DJ) Daddy's really into spring cleaning, isn't he?
DJ: Steph, it may be spring cleaning to you and me, but to dad, it's Christmas.
Joey: Permission to whine?
Danny: Permission denied. Get back in line, soldier.
Joey: Yes, your spotlessness.
Danny walks over to Jesse, who is sleeping on his mop
Danny: (shouting) Look alive!
Jesse: Oh! Don't do that. Having a beautiful dream - we hired a cleaning service.
Danny: Now, troops, you all have your assignments; now, sound off.
Joey: (singing) Hup! If we find dirt, we will attack...
Everybody: (singing) If we find dirt, we will attack...
Joey: (singing) And we'll get Danny off our back...
Everybody: (singing) And we'll get Danny off our back...
Joey: (singing) Sound off!
Everybody: (singing) One, two!
Joey: (singing) Sound off!
Michelle: Dirt bad!
Everyone goes upstairs, except Danny
Danny: Ah, I love the smell of Lysol in the morning.

We find Stephanie in her bedroom
Stephanie: Mr. Bear, part of spring cleaning is giving the toys we don't play with anymore to charity.
DJ and Michelle walk in
Michelle: Toys!
DJ: Now Michelle, before we give any of these toys away, is there something you want in here?
Michelle: (pointing to Mr. Bear) I want that. (Michelle starts to carry Mr. Bear off)
Stephanie: Freeze, bearnapper!
Michelle: Who, me?
Stephanie: Mr. Bear's not a toy. He's one of the family.
DJ: If Mr. Bear's related to anyone in this room, it's the mattress.
Stephanie: Mr. Bear says, "How rude!"
Joey enters the bedroom
Joey: All right, girls, what stuff's going to charity?
DJ: Everything over there.
Joey: Okay. Aww, are you sure you want to give away this baby now? (Joey holds Michelle) It's baby giggle-tummy. You push right there, and she giggles.
Danny enters the bedroom
Danny: Joey, let's go. The truck's waiting downstairs.
Joey: Right away, your tidybowlness.
Danny: Steph, come with me... You're the only one small enough to clean behind the refrigerator.
Stephanie: Michelle, you want this job?
Michelle: No, thank-oo.
We find Michelle, Jesse, and Danny in the kitchen. Jesse jumps onto the counter, only to slide off...
Jesse: Whoa! You waxed the counter?
Danny: And you just buffed it. Thanks, Jess.
Jesse: I'm all finished cleaning, man. I even hosed down the hose. Everything's perfect... (Jesse grabs a drawer handle, and it falls off) ...did I say 'perfect'?
Danny: You broke off the handle! You just ruined my kitchen!
Jesse: Don't worry. I'll take care of it; I'll get a new one. Next time you see this kitchen, it will be back to perfect. Come on, Michelle, you want to go for a ride in the car?
Michelle: Car dirty.
Jesse: (to Danny) I hope you're proud of yourself. (to Michelle) Come on, you. There...
Jesse and Michelle leave, as Stephanie comes down the stairs
Stephanie: Daddy, daddy. Have you seen Mr. Bear? I can't find him anywhere.
Danny: Steph, I'm sure he's around here somewhere. Maybe Joey's seen him.
Stephanie: If you see Mr. Bear before I do, tell him he's in very big trouble.
Danny: I'll give him the message.
DJ enters from the front room
DJ: Come on, dad, let's go. We're going to be late for my karate match.
Danny & DJ walk into the front room, where Joey is fluffing pillows on the couch
Danny: DJ, just a minute. Joey, is the living room ready for inspection?
Joey: Yes, your neurotic compulsiveness.
Danny: Well, this might look beautiful to the naked eye, but let's see if it passes the Tanner test for tidiness.
Joey: Yes, Danny, I cleaned all the logs in the fireplace. I know how crazy you get about burning dirty wood.
Danny: Life doesn't get any better than this.

Stephanie is in her bedroom, and Joey walks in
Stephanie: Where's Mr. Bear? Monkeys, rhinos, bunnies - not a bear in the bunch. Call the FBI. Call the police. Call me a cab - I've got a bear to find!
Joey: Steph, come on, don't panic, just settle down. Take a nice deep breath. (Stephanie takes a deep breath, but holds it) Good. Now, when was the last time that... Steph, you can let the breath out now. (Stephanie exhales) Good, good. Now, when was the last time you saw Mr. Bear?
Stephanie: He was sitting on my bed helping me sort out toys.
Joey: Right. He was here when I came up to collect all the clothes and toys to give away to charity.
Stephanie: You didn't give away Mr. Bear, did you?
Joey: Steph, why don't you keep looking, and I'll see if I can track him down.
Stephanie: Okay.
Joey: Good. (Joey starts to leave the room)
Stephanie: (praying) God, I hate to bother you. I know you've got a lot of stuff to do, but Mr. Bear's missing, so if you could squeeze in just one little miracle, I'd be a happy camper.

Danny and DJ enter the front room from the porch
Danny: DJ, you were great. That kid was twice your size.
DJ: Thanks, dad. But next time I win a match, don't try and start a wave.
DJ enters the kitchen, and finds Jesse remodeling and making a mess
DJ: Ooh, I'm glad I'm not a part of this.
Jesse: You're back already? Look, do me a favor; whatever you do, keep your pop out of this kitchen for, say, three or four days, huh?
DJ: Work fast. Maybe I can give you three or four minutes.
DJ walks back in the front room to try to stall Danny
Danny: DJ, I'm going to go start dinner.
DJ: Uh, dad, let's go have some Chinese food.
Danny: Okay, why don't we go to Chinatown?
DJ: We always go to Chinatown. Let's go to China.
Danny: I'll go get the menu. We'll call for takeout. (Danny starts to walk toward the kitchen)
DJ: Uh, dad, don't go in there.
Danny: (walks in the kitchen and back out) Why did you let me go in there?
DJ: Could have gone to China.
Danny has just walked into the kitchen, where Jesse is whistling and shaving wood
Jesse: Hi pally, how are you? Uh, you'd probably like an explanation, wouldn't you? (Danny nods, and glares at Jesse) What happened is, uh, I went to the hardware store to buy a new handle, right, but the design was discontinued, so I got a whole new set, see, I got this whole new set; pretty decorative, huh? (Danny stares at Jesse) Yeah, well, good. See, and... and... then what happened was, the screws were too fat, I mean, I got a bunch of fat screws, so I had to make the holes bigger, so I'm drilling, thus in turn, breaking the veneer on the fronts here, so I had to put whole new fronts on the drawers. (Danny points at the cabinets) Those? You're... you're wondering about those? As well you should. Um, well, see, this part, this part makes perfect sense. Because, what happened here, the cabinets and the drawers have to match. You know, cabinets, drawers. Cabinets, drawers. So what I did was, I got new fittings but they didn't fit, see, the fronts didn't fit, so I had to shave them, so when you walked in, I'm shaving, I'm whistling, I'm shaving, I'm whistling, you walk... I swear I'll clean it up.
Danny: Everything was all cleaned up. How could you do this to me? On my day! This is my Christmas!
Jesse: Don't like the new handles?

Stephanie is dragging a Police Officer through the front door
Stephanie: Please, please. I looked everywhere. I'm telling you, he was kidnapped.
Police Officer: : Slow down. Everything's going to be okay. Who was kidnapped?
Stephanie: My best friend in the whole world. Mr. Bear.
Police Officer: : Let me get some information. Now, does Mr. Bear have a first name?
Stephanie: Teddy. He's exactly this tall (Stephanie gestures with her hands), brown hat, gray trench coat, brown snout.
Police Officer: : This Mr. Bear, he's a stuffed animal, isn't he?
Stephanie: Well, technically.
Danny and Jesse walk into the front room from the kitchen, and Jesse sees the Police Officer:
Jesse: You called the police 'cause I messed up your kitchen? I swear, officer, what happened was, the design was discontinued, right. So I put a new thing, I'm doing new holes, the thing breaks, I'm shaving the deal when he walks in.
Danny: Jesse, I didn't call the police. Officer, what's the problem?
Police Officer: : This little girl flagged me down to report a missing bear. Brown hat, gray trench coat, brown snout. (as the Police Officer talks, Joey walks in the front door)
Joey: Uh, Steph, I think I know what might have happened. I may have accidentally put Mr. Bear in the bag of toys that we gave to charity. I tried to track him down, but they've already been given away.
Stephanie: You gave away Mr. Bear? Officer, arrest this man.
Joey: Steph, I'm really sorry.
Stephanie: How could you do this to me? (Stephanie runs upstairs, and the Police Officer shakes his head at Joey)

DJ and Stephanie are in their bedroom. Stephanie is busy coloring posters that read, "Have you seen this bear? Big reward. I mean it!"
DJ: Steph, how many of those posters are you going to make?
Stephanie: I'm going to put one on every telephone pole in America. I've got to find Mr. Bear.
DJ: Steph, why don't we try talking about something else, besides Mr. Bear?
Stephanie: Okay, let's talk about Joey. Why did he give away Mr. Bear?
DJ: Don't blame Joey. Accidents happen. Like, remember the time you lost my pillow person? He was so cute. He had dangling arms and legs. I was mad at you for losing him, but then I got over it. I grew up. I moved on.
Stephanie: I found your pillow person under my mattress.
DJ: My pillow person! Oh, I thought I'd never see you again! (Stephanie rolls her eyes) I mean... what a pleasant surprise.
Joey enters the bedroom
Joey: Hi, girls. Steph, I feel terrible about this Mr. Bear thing. Is there any way I can make it up to you?
Stephanie: Do you remember what Mr. Bear looked like?
Joey: Well yeah, sure.
Stephanie: Then grab a crayon.
Joey: Pass me a brown.

Jesse is in the kitchen, singing. Danny is in the front room...
Danny: (shouting) Jesse, do I want to come in there?
Jesse: Yep, come on in; you're gonna love it. (Danny looks at the new kitchen) Huh? Heh? Well?
Danny: I do love it. This is great! (Danny hugs Jesse)
Jesse: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Never hug me in front of my power tools.

Irene Katsopolis is in the front room placing stuffed animals on the couch, and DJ and Michelle are coming down the stairs
Irene: : Stephanie, come meet some new friends.
DJ: Stephanie's on her way down.
Irene: : Aww, there's my baby; give grandma a great, big kiss...
Michelle: Toys!
Irene: : Nice seeing you too, sweetheart.
Danny, Jesse, and Nick Katsopolis enter from the kitchen
Michelle: My bear.
Irene: : Oh, no, honey. Stephanie picks first, okay?
Danny: I hope this works. Steph's really taking this hard.
Jesse: You know, I realize she's attached to this thing, but, I mean, come on. It's just a stuffed animal.
Irene: : Oh, just a stuffed animal. Do you remember Doggy Katsopolis?
Jesse: Not in front of people, huh?
DJ: Doggy Katsopolis?
Jesse: Yeah, come on, dad, let's go in the kitchen and work with our hands, shall we?
Nick: Jess, you loved that little stuffed mutt. You used to throw him around the room for hours.
Jesse: I didn't throw him... he flew.
Danny: Your little Doggy Katsopolis had wings?
Jesse: Don't be stupid. He flew by flapping his little ears.
Stephanie comes down the stairs
Stephanie: Hi grandma. Hi grandpa.
Irene: : Hi, honey. (Irene and Nick hug Stephanie) Look what grandpa Nick and I brought you.
Nick: Some new friends. Why don't you go get to know them?
Stephanie: All right; I'll give it a try. (talking to the stuffed animals on the couch) Let me ask you guys a question. If DJ was picking on me, what would you do? Anybody? These guys are duds.
Joey enters through the front door, carrying a bear resembling Mr. Bear
Joey: Hi, Steph.
Stephanie: You found him!
Joey: Uh, Steph, let me explain.
Stephanie: Mr. Bear, you had me worried half to... Who is this? The real Mr. Bear had a little scar where I closed a toy box on his nose. This bear is an impostor.
Joey: Steph, wait. I couldn't find Mr. Bear, but I found Mr. Bear's successful twin brother, Dr. Bear.
Stephanie: Sorry, Joey. Could you take him back to the store? Looking at that face is just too painful. (Stephanie runs upstairs)
Joey: I tried.
Jesse: Danny, we got to snap the kid out of this.
Danny: I can't understand why she's so attached to that bear.
Nick: Well, I guess we better bring these back, too.
DJ: Too late, grandpa.
Michelle: (sitting in the middle of the pile of stuffed animals) My bear.

Stephanie is sitting alone in her bedroom, when Danny, Joey, Jesse, DJ, and Michelle walk in
Danny: Steph, I know you miss Mr. Bear, but it's not like you're all alone in the world. You still got us.
Stephanie: I guess so.
Jesse: All right; that's it, young lady; I'm tired of this moping around. Now you come out here, and you lay one of those killer smiles on me. Okay? Come on. (Stephanie gives a half smile)
Danny: Steph, a real smile. Mr. Bear would want you to be happy, because that's the kind of bear he was, right?
Joey: And wherever Mr. Bear went, I'm sure he's bringing happiness to some other kid.
Stephanie: That's true. He was very good at that. He's been making me happy since I met him.
DJ: I remember the exact day. It was when mom came home from the hospital with our new baby sister, Michelle.
Danny: That's right. She gave DJ a charm bracelet; she gave you Mr. Bear.
Jesse: Oh. So that's why Mr. Bear's so important to you, because he was a present from mom, huh?
Stephanie: Oh yeah. I forgot mom gave me Mr. Bear. That must be why I love him so much.
DJ: You know, after mom died, I could remember everything about her. How she looked, her voice, the way her perfume smelled. She used to sing to us at bedtime. Now its getting harder and harder to remember.
Stephanie: Daddy, am I going to forget all about Mama?
Danny: No, honey. Listen. At first, after the car accident, we talked about your mom all the time. But lately,... well...
Joey: You know, maybe the reason we haven't talked about your mom in a while is because we're afraid it would bring all that pain back again.
Danny: Maybe so.
Jesse: You know what, girls? You know what I do when I start to miss Pam, and I'm feeling sad, and stuff? I just think about all the good times. God, she was a great sister. I remember my first junior high school dance, right? Thanks to John Travolta, I had to get a white suit and learn to do the hustle. She worked with me the whole weekend. Forty-eight hours of dancing to Disco Inferno. She must have really loved me. God, I loved her.
Joey: Your mom had that great laugh. It was contagious. Every time I'd work on some new material, I'd bring her down to the club. Used to set her right in the front row. Pretty soon, she'd start laughing; then, she'd have the whole place cracking up. It was great!
Stephanie: I remember her laugh. Like every time we sang that silly song with mom.
DJ: Oh, yeah. (singing) On top of spaghetti...
DJ and Stephanie: (singing) ...all covered with cheese, I lost my poor meatball, when somebody sneezed.
Joey and Stephanie: Ah-choo.
Danny: You see? You girls don't ever have to worry about forgetting your mom. Because you can think about those happy times whenever you want.
Jesse: That's right. See, the key thing is, just to keep those happy memories of Pam in our hearts - that way, she'll always be with us.
Danny: You know, another thing that helps me remember - I see so much of Pam in you three girls. DJ, everything you do, you try to be the best at. That's just like your mom.
Stephanie: What about me?
Joey: Well, you know how you get so excited about everything?
Stephanie: Yeah,... yeah?
Danny: That's exactly like your mom.
Stephanie: All right!
Jesse: Hey, let's not forget little Michelle. Every time I see this kid giggle, I think of Pam. (Jesse tickles Michelle)
Stephanie: It's good that we remember mommy, 'cause we have to tell Michelle what she was like.
Jesse: You know what I'm thinking, girls? It's been a long time since we watched those home movies of Danny's. What do you say? You guys want to go look at them?
DJ: Yeah, let's go watch 'em!
Stephanie: Can we do it now?
Danny: Are you kidding? If spring cleaning is my Christmas, home movies are my New Year's Eve.
Stephanie: Come on!

Everybody is in the front room, watching the home movies
Danny: I shot this the day your mom came home from the hospital with Michelle.

On the movie, a younger Jesse is standing next to the front door
YoungerJesse: All right, you guys, wait right there. Come on, Danny, get that thing out of my face.
YoungerDanny: Come on, Jesse.
YoungerJesse: Cut, please...

in real life
Jesse: Maybe I should grow my hair long again, huh?
Stephanie: Nah.

On the movie
YoungerJesse: Okay, Pammy, you can come in now.
Younger Joey enters the front door with newborn baby Michelle
YoungerJoey: Hey, anybody order a pizza?
Pam enters through the front door
Pam: Give me my baby, Joey. Oh... you're not a pizza, Michelle. No, you are a big, beautiful meatball.
YoungerJoey: Steph, Deej, don't go away. We've got presents for you out in the car.
Joey exits the front door to get the presents
Pam: Oh...
YoungerJesse: Michelle,...
Pam: Isn't she pretty?
YoungerJesse: Mmm. Hi, Michelle.

in real life
Stephanie: Mom looks like you, DJ.
DJ: She looks like you too.

on the movie
YoungerJesse: Yeah, what a beautiful baby. Good news, Danny. She doesn't look a thing like you. Don't worry, in a few years from now, you'll laugh at that.

in real life
Danny: Wrong. (As Danny says this, Jesse laughs)

on the movie
Pam: Danny, get a close-up of this gorgeous little face. (the video zooms in on Pam's face) Not me, the baby, huh! Say, "Hi, daddy." "Hi, daddy."

in real life
Michelle: Baby!
DJ: Michelle, that's you.
Michelle: No.
Stephanie: Yes.
Michelle: Cute baby!
Stephanie: Look, there's Mr. Bear.

on the movie, Joey makes a trumpet sound, carrying a charm bracelet for DJ and a stuffed bear for Stephanie
Michelle: Mr. Bear. (Michelle starts to walk to the organ bench)

on the movie
YoungerJoey: In addition to your new, beautiful baby sister, you've won something else... presents!
in real life
Stephanie: Look how young Mr. Bear looks. (Michelle opens the organ bench, and grabs Mr. Bear)

on the movie
YoungerDanny: Aw, great, Joey. Nice presents.

in real life, Michelle shows Mr. Bear to Stephanie
Stephanie: Mr. Bear? It's you; it's really you!
Everybody: Yay! All right!
Joey: Michelle, did you hide Mr. Bear?
Michelle: Yes.
Joey: How could you do this to me?
Michelle: I don't know.
Stephanie: Joey, I'm sorry I blamed you.
Joey: Aww, that doesn't matter. All that matters is - the bear is back!
Everybody: Yeah! That's right!
Danny: Aw, look at this...

On the movie
Younger Danny: I'm so glad you're home. (Danny kisses Pam) I'm so glad you're both home. (Danny kisses the newborn baby Michelle)
Pam: Now we have the three most wonderful daughters in the whole world.

In real life
DJ: Isn't mom beautiful? (everybody silently watches the movie, which is playing quietly in the background)

On the movie
Pam: Hi. Wave to daddy. Hi, daddy. We love you.

***End ***

Guest Cast:
Irene: Katsopolis: Yvonne Wilder
Nick Katsopolis: John Aprea
Pam: Christie Houser
Police Officer: : Wendell J. Grayson