Full House Scripts - Season 3

Teaser

We find Danny and Michelle in the kitchen with the laundry...
Danny: Michele, do you want to help me separating the laundry ?
Michelle: I'm not busy.
Danny: Okay, everything red, green, yellow or bright colored goes in this pile. And everything white goes in this pile. You got it ?
Michelle: Got it dude! (Danny walks away and she starts separating her sandwich) White... green...red...
Danny: Oh no Michelle, no food on the laundry.
Michelle: I'm sorry.
Danny: Oh no, honey, it's not your fault. Daddy didn't explain it right, I'm a bad boy.
Michelle: Go to your room.
Danny: Okay, but will you come with me ?
Michelle: I'm not busy.

We find Joey and Michelle in the back yard...
Michelle: Woof, woof, woof.
Joey: Isn't that nice, your doggy said hello.
Michelle: No, that was me.
Jesse and Danny walk outside, as Joey puts on his headphones...
Jesse: Danny, you're not driving me to DMV, you're driving like a little old lady. I'm taking my motorcycles.
Danny: Oh no, you're not, your drivers license expired two months ago.
Jesse: So I forgot to renew it, I get away with one more drive down to the DMV.
Danny: Jesse, the law is the law, don't make me take away your key.
Jesse: I hope you're never gonna get any real power.
Jesse walks away, Danny follows him...
Danny: Michelle, take an eye on Joey for me.
Joey: Listen to this Michelle, psychic hit by lightning. Hehehe. Boy, if he was any good, he would have seen that coming. (He takes a bite of his sandwich)
A dog comes by and takes Joey's sandwich...
Joey: Michelle, did you eat my peanut butter sandwich ?
Michelle: Doggy ate it.
Joey: Now you know that is not true, now where did you hide it ?
Michelle: The doggy ate it.
Joey: I know the doggy didn't eat it, because I can see inside his tummy. (He takes Michelle's toy dog)
The other dog comes into the garden again...
Michelle: (Pointing at the dog) Joey.
Joey: Whoa, there is a dog in our yard.
Michelle: I told you so.
Joey: Hey little guy, what are you doing here ? Oh, like the dog's gonna answer me. Are you friendly ? (The dog licks Joey's face) Oh that's sweet, oh that's wet, oh that's enough. (Looking at the tag on the dog's neck) Oh, your tag says you had all your shots and you're name is Minnie.
Michelle: Hi Minnie.
Joey: Can you shake hands ?
Stephanie comes outside...
Stephanie: There's a dog in our yard! We got a dog, we got a dog! It is our dog, isn't it ? It's in our yard so it must be our dog. We got a dog!
Joey: Steph, Minnie is not our dog. Her tag says she's from.. Ohio ?
Stephanie: Where's Ohio ?
Joey: At top of the street, about 2000 miles.
Stephanie: She came all this way to live with us. And it was worth the trip. You'll gonna love it here. Come on Minnie, I'll show you around.
Joey: Uh, Steph.
Stephanie: (To the dog) Come on in, Minnie, but wipe your feet first. (The dog wipes her feet) Dad is gonna love you. This is the kitchen. We'll set you an extra plate for you tonight. Come, I'll show you your new room. (She walks up the stairs with the dog)
Joey: (Walking in) Steph, Steph we gotta talk.
Stephanie: (To the dog) This is Michelle's room, and this is the bathroom, in case you need it. (The dog walks into Jesse's room) No Minnie, that's uncle Jesse's room. (The dog is down on the bed) Uh, Minnie, that is not a good place for you to hang out.
Joey: I'll be right back, Michelle. (Looking to the dog) Steph, what is the dog doing on Jesse's bed ?
Stephanie: Joey, she's come 2000 miles, her feet are tired.
DJ: I'm back from school and I'm going over to Kimmy's. (She walks away and back again) That's a dog, right ?
Stephanie: This is our new dog Minnie, she is from Ohio.
DJ: Come here girl. (The dog gets off the bed and jumps on DJ...) Hi Minnie. Oh, oh Look she loves to hug, oh she's a Tanner already.
Joey: Girls, I love the dog as much as you do, but we can't keep her.
Stephanie: How can you say this, don't you want a dog ?
Joey: Of course I do, I wanted a dog my whole life, but this dog already got an owner.
DJ: But if the owner doesn't want her, we can keep her, right ?
Joey: Well, personally I would love that, but your dad might feel different.
Stephanie: Then.... Let's not tell him.
DJ: What were you gonna do. Stick a dress on her and pretend she is a new friend from school ?
Stephanie: Works for me.
The dog jumps on Jesse's bed again...
Stephanie: Come on, let's all have a nap together.
Joey, DJ and Stephanie also lie down on the bed...

We find Joey in the kitchen filling a bowl with water as Danny walks in...
Danny: Hey Joey, what are you doing with that bowl of water ?
Joey: Uh, uhm, I'm very thirsty. (He drinks from the bowl)
Jesse walks into the kitchen...
Joey: Do you have your drivers license ?
Jesse: Do not ask me about my written test, capisce ?
Joey: Capisce. So Danny, what happened with Jesse's written test ?
Danny: Well he had his name right, and most of his address.
Jesse: Why do they ask those idiotic questions. Nobody knows how far you're supposed to park from a railroad track.
Danny + Joey: Seven and a half feet.
Jesse: Okay, two people know. I'm gonna get back there tomorrow and ace that test, I can't believe I failed.
Joey: how did you pass the test the last time ?
Jesse: Well, I accidentally got a glimpse of my neighbors paper. This time they passed out different tests to everybody in the room. Like they don't trust us or something.
Danny: I don't get it. I drive the freeways. They give every idiot in the world a drivers license.
Joey: Not every idiot.
Jesse: Look at this. I take advise from a guy who still slicks Flintstone vitamins. (He walks away)
DJ and Stephanie enter the kitchen...
DJ: Joey, what did dad say about you know who ?
Joey: I haven't talked to him yet.
DJ + Stephanie: Bye! (They leave the kitchen and walk into the living room)
Danny: Hold it. Okay, what's going on, and how much is it gonna cost me ?
Stephanie: You see dad, we have been thinking. What we need around here is someone maybe from...maybe Ohio.
Danny: Well, maybe we do need someone from Ohio, but I'd like to hear more about this, before I go ahead and order one.

We find Jesse entering his room, when he sees something crawling under his blanket...
Jesse: Michelle, I know you're in there. Come on out, Michelle. Okay young lady, I'm gonna get in and get you. (He gets under his blanket and notices the dog) Aah! What are you doing here ? (Minnie barks) Where do you come from (Minnie barks again) A likely story, get out.
The dog leaves Jesse's room and enters the room of Michelle, who is playing there with blocks and pushes them down...
Michelle: Hey you better fix it.
Jesse: Where are you, you mighty mud ?
Michelle: Oh oh, trouble. Under the bed. (The dog gets under the bed) Hurry!
Jesse walks into the room...
Jesse: Al right dog, I know you're in her. Come out with your paws up.
Michelle: No doggy here.
The dog barks from under the bed...
Jesse: Then who just said 'Woof' ?
Michelle: I said woof.
Jesse: I don't think so. (He takes up a spread that's hanging over the back of the bed and the dog shows)
Michelle: Who's this ?
Jesse: Michelle, you told a lie.
Michelle: Yes, I did.
Jesse: Sweetheart, it's not very nice to tell lies.
Michelle: I'm sorry, I just love the doggy.
Jesse: yeah, well I don't.
The dog runs away...
Michelle: Doggy come back.
Jesse: Michelle, we don't want a dog living in the house.
Michelle: Yes we do.
Jesse: No we don't.
Michelle: Yes we do!
Jesse: No we don't.
Michelle: (Pretending to cry) Yes we do.
Jesse: Oh. (He kisses Michelle)
The dog walks back in with an underpants with tiger motive...
Jesse: My leopard underwear. Now that's why we don't. (The dog runs away...) Get back...(He runs after the dog)
Michelle: Run doggy, run doggy. (She runs after Jesse)

We find Danny, Joey, DJ and Stephanie in the living room...
DJ: And another thing about our friend is her name is Minnie. Isn't that a nice name dad ?
Danny: That's a lovely name. Is your new friend a mouse ?
DJ: No, but you're getting warmer.
The dog runs into the living room and jumps on Danny's legs...
Stephanie: Daddy, we like you to meet Minnie.
Danny: We've met.
DJ: Oh look dad, Minnie is crazy about you. She loves to hug. This is your kind of dog.
Danny: My kind of dog is on a bun with mustard.
Stephanie: Joey said if nobody wants her we can keep her.
Danny: Why on earth would Joey say that without talking to me first, Joey ?
Joey: Well she wandered into our backyard, we shared a sandwich, well and look at that face, she is so cute.
Jesse: Yeah sure she's cute. You don't have doggy slobber all over your pillow.
Stephanie: Can we keep Minnie please ?
DJ: Please ?
Joey: Please ?
Minnie howls.
Danny: People, don't be fooled by that look of innocence. Under need is a jungle beast just thinking: here's a nice clean house that I can totally destroy. Trust me, that thing is gonna track mud into the house, it's gonna chew everything up and they're very difficult to housetrain.
DJ: So was Michelle, but we kept her.
Danny: I'm sorry, but I do not want a dog in this house.
Jesse: That's right, and what Danny says goes. He's the boss and that's the way things work and that's.....when did I become your fateful sidekick ?
The dog howls and lies down on the ground...
Stephanie: Something's wrong with Minnie.
DJ: Oh oh, her tummy's fat and she's pending heavy. Kimmy's do acted the same way, right before she had puppies.
Danny: She's gonna have puppies ? In my living room ?
Stephanie: I'm gonna be an aunt. Yes.
DJ: I'll go call Kimmy.

Some later in the living room...
Joey: This dog is in labor.
Jesse: Danny, do something.
Danny: Why me ?
Jesse: Because you're the only one that had kids.
Danny: Not in the living room.
Michelle: (Running into the living room) hey what's going on ?
Stephanie: Minnie is having puppies.
Michelle: Huh, no.
DJ: (Into the phone) Thanks Mrs. Gibbler. (To the others) Okay, Kimmy's mom told me what we need. Dad, here's the number of the Gibbler's vet. Joey, you will find something for Minnie to have her puppies in, Stephanie, you and I will go get blankets and newspapers.
Jesse: And I'm going on study for my driver's test.
Joey: What does that have to do with Minnie ?
Jesse: Because if I don't pass that test, I need her puppies to pull my sled around town.

That night, we find Jesse in the kitchen, making music on the furniture...
DJ: What are you doing ?
Jesse: Uh, studying for my driver's test.
DJ: Is this how you studied last time ?
Jesse: No, this time I got the book. DJ, I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm not very good in studying for tests.
DJ: It's probably the way you study.
Jesse: What about the way I study ?
DJ: Nothing if you were taking a test in sink drumming. First of all, no music.
Jesse: No music ?
DJ: And no food.
Jesse: No chicken ?
DJ: And finally, sit in the chair, with this book.
Jesse: Nothing left to do but study.
DJ: See ? You're getting smarter already.
Joey walks in...
Joey: You guys missed it.
DJ: What, Minnie had her puppies ?
Joey: No, she sat up in her box and said (Imitating Scooby-Doo)
Jesse: Get out.
Joey walks back, while he's howling like a dog...
Joey: if anything real happens, let me know.
Joey walks away, making some funny sounds...
DJ: Come on uncle Jesse, I'll help you learning this stuff.
Jesse: Thanks, that's very nice of you.
DJ: Hey, you need your license and I need a ride to the mall tomorrow. Okay...

We find Danny walking into Stephanie and DJ's room...
Danny: Animal update, I called the animal shelter. Nobody reported Minnie lost yet, but we'll keep trying to find her owner.
Stephanie: Daddy, how did Minnie make her puppies ?
Danny: Well, sweetheart, I was hoping you would ask me that. Remember how we talked about how a mommy and a daddy make a baby ?
Stephanie: Yeah.
Danny: Well, it makes a mommy dog and a daddy dog to make a puppy dog.
Stephanie: Thanks.
Danny: I'm always happy to answer your questions.
Stephanie: Good, because I have another one.
Danny: Oh, goody gum drops.
Stephanie: How do you think Minnie met her husband ?
Danny: I like that question. A long time ago, in a far away land, called Ohio, Minnie was taking a little walk by the fire station. And the firehouse dog Arnie, he took one look at Minnie and he went bowowowow. It was love at first sniff. And then on one special day, Arnie got down on three knees, and he said Minnie, marry me, you make my tail wag.
Stephanie: That was so romantic. Daddy, how do you know all this stuff ?
Danny: Well, I'm your dad, so I know everything. And what I don't know, I make up.
Stephanie: I thought so.
They hug...

We find Joey and Michelle in the living room besides Minnie, who is panting...
Michelle: (Pants like Minnie)
Joey: Well, it looks like Minnie found a lamonge coach.
Minnie stands up and wipes with her foot over the bottom of the box...
Joey: Hey everybody, I think something is gonna happen.
Jesse: What's going on ?
DJ: What ?
Minnie walks away...
Jesse: Hey, get in the box. Get in the box. (Michelle gets into the box) Not you. (Chasing Minnie) Stop. Heal. Sit. You're not going where I think you're going.
Minnie runs into Jesse's room, the whole family follows her as she jumps on Jesse's bed...
Jesse: Not on my bed, huh. Danny, do something about this.
Danny: This is not my fault. Joey let the dog in the house and they got the girls all worked up.
Joey: Hey, if you weren't such a neat freak, we would have already had a dog that would have chased this dog away.
DJ: Dad, we'll clean up after Minnie, you'll never know she's here.
Jesse: I'll know she's here. She's having puppies on my bed.
Stephanie: You don't know how lucky you are.
Jesse: Lucky with those puppies on my bed...
All start talking together...
DJ: Wait, wait, wait, stop, stop. Here comes a puppy.
Michelle: Whoa baby!
Jesse: This is the most amazing thing that ever happened in my bed.
Stephanie: Look, she's cleaning up the puppy, how does she know what to do ?
Joey: That's a part of nature, Steph.
DJ: Nature is so awesome.
Jesse: I can't believe we were just fighting about Minnie having puppies. This is so beautiful. And now it makes you think about what's really important in life, doesn't it ?
Joey: Yeah, like being able to share this moment with people you really love.
DJ: This is so incredible. Yesterday these puppies weren't even here, and now they are. And seen them being born, it's like watching a miracle.
Danny: I'm so glad you girls could see this. Maybe you can understand the way I felt the day each of you were born. My three little miracles.
DJ: They're so little...

We find Jesse sitting on his bed, watching Minnie and the puppies..
Jesse: Why did you pick my bed ? Can you watch the drooling, please ?
Some days later we find Danny with the dust buster in the living room...
Danny: Oh man, I got enough fur in this thing to build another dog.
Joey: Minnie's owner just showed up.
Danny: He's here ? I'm sorry girls, it's time to bring in the troops.
Joey: Come on, Minnie.
DJ, Stephanie, Michelle and Minnie walk in with Minnie and the puppies. DJ and Stephanie are each carrying one, and two are in a little trolley, pulled by DJ and Michelle, a fifth is walking behind them....
Joey: Okay. Okay, we got bachelor number one, and oh, bachelor number two, okay, bachelor number three, right here, and bachelor number four.
Jesse: Look what I just found I my bed. Four-legged ankle-biter.
Frank: Hi, I'm Frank Flood. Minnie, oh Minnie. (Minnie runs to him) Oh, thanks you for taking such good care about Minnie, and her puppies. Whoa, she was lucky just to find such nice people.
Danny: Well, we were lucky to find such a neat dog. She sheds like crazy, but I guess that's not really her fault, huh. Truth is, if you didn't came by here to claim her, we probably who have kept them all right here.
Frank: Oh, I can't wait to get those little guys home.
Stephanie: (Hugging Minnie) I will never ever ever forget you.
Jesse: Say, uh, Frank, do you mind if I drive the girls over once in a time to see all the puppies ?
Frank: tell you what, why don't you keep one of the puppies ?
Stephanie: Would we ? Could we ?
DJ: Yeah dad, can we ?
Danny: You guys know how I fell about dogs.
DJ: You just said you wouldn't mind keeping all of them.
Danny: Well, that was when I thought the dogs were leaving.
Stephanie: We promise we'll take care of it.
Joey: Come on, Danny, I wanted a dog my whole life. Oh look at that face.
Jesse: Danny, be strong.
The puppy Joey shows to Danny licks Danny's face...
Jesse: Think dirt.
Danny: I can't help it, I'm wimping, look at that face.
Danny keeps one of the dogs in front of Jesse, who peeps...
Danny: Al right, we can have a puppy.
Joey + DJ + Stephanie: Yes! Al right!
DJ: Michelle, you pick the puppy.
Michelle: (Pointing at the puppy Jesse is holding) This puppy.
Jesse: The one that likes my bed.
Frank Flood gets the other dogs together...
Joey: Oh, you got one ?
Michelle: Yeah, I got one.
Joey: Okay.
They are all outside with the puppies...

***End***

Guest Cast:
Frank Flood: Wayne Powers

Script edited by: Martin van Dam
Lay-out: Martin van Dam
Written for: Full House Forever