Full House Scripts - Season 6

Teaser:

We find Michelle in the living room,as Jesse and the twins walk in...
Jesse: Becky, I told you, we're not cutting their hair. Run for mummy, run for mummy, run, run, run, run
Becky: Jess, come on, you're being ridiculous.
Jesse: Becky, it took us forever to grow their hair so long
Becky: Not a cut, just a little trim.
Jesse: Don't even kid.
Michelle: Uncle Jesse, why do you care so much about hair?
Jesse: Alright everybody come on, gather around. I'm gonna give you guys a little life lesson.
Becky: Oh, I can't wait to hear this.
Jesse: Well, here's my theory: When you are a baby, you're bald. (To Nicky) That's right. And then when you get old, again, boom, bald. But that magic in between time, that's the important time, that's when you gotta grow your hair, nurture it with the proper [cuttermans], and then.. flaunt it. Hey guys, does that sound good, huh?
Michelle: Do you know what I like best about your hair?
Jesse: The silky sheen, the natural luster?
Michelle: No, I like to mess it up! Michelle and Becky mess Jesse's hair up, while going through it with their hands...
Jesse: Just moussed, just moussed...

We find Jesse and the twins in the living room. The twins are playing with drums...
Jesse: Al right boys, rock 'n roll, that's good. Al right, okay. Very good, now cut. Okay. (Nicky stops, but Alex continues) Stop, please stop. (To Alex) Cut means daddy has a headache. You guys are good, I could have used you on tour this summer. That's it, rock 'n roll. Next time we go out, you guys can be my little rugrat roadies, okay ?
Then Becky runs in with the mail...
Becky: Jess, the mail's here. Billboard magazine.
Jesse: Give me give me give me.
Becky: Don't be nervous.
Jesse: I'm not.
Becky: Nicky, Alex, he's nervous.
Jesse: I am not nervous. This is where a whole summer of touring pays of, okay, here it is, here it is, the hot one hundred singles. Let's see. Last week 'Forever 68, let's see where it shows up to us this week, shall we. Forever, forever, forever...This is taking forever.
Becky: (Taking the magazine from Jesse) Uh, Jess, does it really matter about these charts? I mean, doesa it really matter if you're 1 or 99?
Jesse: Yeah, I'd rather be 1.
Becky: Well, of these two, what would be your second choice?
Jesse takes the magazine back from Becky...
Jesse: I'm 99.
Becky: Well honey, you're still in the top 100. I mean, you're doing better than that one guy there. I'm gonna get Nicky and Alex ready to go to aunt Ida's.
Becky and the twins walk away, as Stephanie and Michelle run in...
Stephanie: Where's dad, where's Joey, we gotta go to the airport.
Michelle: Don't you sit there, DJ is coming back from Spain.
Jesse: Girls relax, we have plenty of time.
Stephanie: I can't wait till she gets back. DJ is gonna save my summer.
Jesse: What are you talking about save your suummer, you had a good summer Steph, you went to day camp.
Stephanie: Oh yeah, camp day of fun. I was the oldest camper there. The other kids caled me mam.
Michelle: (Holding a postcard) This is from DJ, see, D..J. Can somebody read the rest?
Stephanie: Al right, DJ is bringing home a big surprise. I knew she'd come through.
Michelle: Did she use the word 'present'? It starts with a 'p'.
Stephanie: Well, she doesn't say, but that gotta be it. And after she gives us our presents, she probably want to spend all her time with us, because she missed us like crazy.
Then Danny hurries down the stairs...
Danny: Okay everybody, DJ's plane has been in the air exactly 13 hours and seven minutes, an allowing for head winds and turbulence, that means right now she's over Saskatchewan, enjoying her diet soda and her second bag of honey glaced nuts. I hope she didn't rent one of those headsets, you never know who's ears they have been in.
Jesse: Danny relax, please breath me with. In...out.
Danny: Jess, I don't need to breath. Well I do every once in a while. I can't believe she've been gone for 8 weeks, I miss her so much, I can't wait for her to just get off that plane and jump into my arms. Coem on, we're gonna be late.
Jesse: Everybody just relax, now look at this, we have... we have an hour now, how long does it cost to frop the kids of at aunt Ida's and get to the airport?
Danny: 57 Minutes.
Jesse: Girls, let's move it, come on, move, move, move.
Danny: (Yelling upstairs) Joey, Rebecca, if you're not downstairs in ten seconds we're leaving without you.
Joey: (Running down the stairs) Okay okay, you guys, I'm sorry. I'm going crazy. Yesterday I met this incredible woman at the beach, she could possibly be the future Mrs. Gladstone. We could spend the rest of our lives together. Now if I just could find her phonenumber.
Danny: Have you checked your [Snackle Puss] bading suit?
Joey: Yes, I checked there already. This is so pathetic.
Jesse: Not as pathetic as a grown up man in a [Snackle Puss] bading suit. Now come on everybody, let's go. Becky!
Danny: Well you know her name?
Joey: of course I do. It's uh... Mary.. something. I'll think of it, I just have to clear my head.
Jesse: Well that shouldn't take long.
Becky: (Becky walks in with the twins on her arms. Their hair is different than before) Okay, the boys are ready.
Jesse: For what? The Eddy Munster lok-alike contest?
Becky: You know what aunt Ida says. With the hair over their eyes she can't see their faces.
Jesse: Yeah, but on the plus site. They can never see hers. (He meeses the hair of the twins a little bit up) Oh, get the hair looking cool. Now that boy, now you're having a proper hair day.

We find the family at San Francisco international airport...
Danny: Okay, DJ's plane is 2 minutes late, we're 5 minutes earlie, I've got 30 minutes left at the parkin meter. Any of you got a calculator?
Jesse: Or a tranquilizer gun.
Joey: Mary...Mary Czechinski.
Michelle: Bless you.
Joey: No, no, that's her name. Mary Czechinski. I'm right back. I'm gonna dial information, I'm gonna get her number.
We find Becky and Jesse standing together as a woman walks towards them...
Brandy: Excuse me.
Jesse: Oh an autograph. You guys, you see, I mean, I slipped a little in the charts, but the true fans still know ho I am.
Brandy: Who are you? I just wanted to know if you dropped your pen. (She walks away)
Jesse: That is my pen.
Becky: You'll be sorry. This is Jesse Katsopolis.
Jesse: Sweetheart it's okay.
Becky: Not it's not okay. He is gonna be a big start and then you'll be begging him for his autograph.
Jesse: (To the people who have gathered around them) What are you guys looking at? Come on the show is over, scather, come on.
We find Joey ont the phone...
Joey: Yes, that's Czechinski, you spell it just the way it sounds. C-H- Chinski. Oh come on, you are the directory assistant, get your directory and assist me. Hello? (Imitating Popeye while hanging up the phone) Oh boy, Alexander Graham Bell startedthis whole...
Becky comes and pulls Joey on his arm...
Becky: Come on, Joey, DJ's plane is here.
Michelle: I can't wait to see that surprise.
Stephanie: I hope it fits in the car.
Danny: Girls, where here to see DJ, it doesn't matter what she brought us. Isn't Spain noticed for their leather goods?
The others nod their heads...Then Kimmy waks out of the gate...
Kimmy: Los Tannerito's! Mi Familia! (She hugs Danny and Becky)
Danny: Hey, Kimmy, where is su familia?
Kimmy: My family?
Danny: Yeah, remember them?
Kimmy: Sure I do, they said to come home with you. They figured you were going out for a fancy dinner and you would threat me. You know, I haven't had a good lobster... ever.
Jesse: Wouldn't it be great if they could loose the passengers in stead of the luggage?
Stephanie: Where is DJ?
Danny: I don't know. All I'm looking at is Romeo and Juliet over there.
Michelle: That girl Juliet looks like DJ.
The girl looks up, and it seems that it is DJ...
DJ: Hi everybody.
Everybody hugs DJ...
Stephanie: DJ, what's the big surprise?
DJ: Oh, right. Everybody, this is Steve.
All except DJ: Hi Steve.
Stephanie: So DJ, what's the big surprise?
DJ: Steve is the surprise, we're going together.
Becky: (To Danny) Surprise!
Steve: So..uh... you guys all came in one car?
Michelle: excuse me, let me get this straight, he is the surprise?
Stephanie: It's now official, my summer is down the tubes.
Stephanie and Michelle walk away...
Michelle: Ask her where our presents are.
Joey: (Imitating a godfather) Steve. Welcome to the family my son. Some day we may call on you for a favor. And when I do Steve... (Danny grabs his shoulder) Michael.
Danny: What I think the godfather is trying to say is, what exactly do you two mean by going together?
Kimmy: Come on Mr. T. You're not that old. It means, they can't keep their paws of eachother.
DJ: (To Kimmy) Silentio, el big mouth.
Kimmy: Si. Adios. Hasta la bagage.
DJ: Well you guys remember Steve, we went out a couple of times last year.
Jesse + Dnny + Joey + Becky: Uhhuh!
Danny: It's funny, I don't recall you mentioning he was going to Spain with you.
DJ: I didn't even know he was in the foreign study program until we saw eachother on the flight over there. (To Steve) Nunca olvdare ese momento.
Steve: (To DJ) Estoy el hombre mas contento del mundo.
Danny: En ingles, por favor.
Steve: Mr. Tanner, sir. I just want you to know that your daughter has been in good hands.
Jesse: we don't want her in any hands.
Steve: Uh, you know something Deej. I told my folks I'd meet them at package claim. I'll catch you down there. Uh, great seeing you all again. (he runs away)
DJ: I can't believe this. You're threating me like a child.
Danny: DJ, you're not acting like an adult. Making out in an international terminal? What will people think of America?
DJ: Dad.
Danny: (To Jesse, Joey and Becky) You know what, could you excuse us for a moment?
Becky: Oh sure, Jess, let's go call aunt Ida.
Jesse: Why?
Becky pinches Jesse...
Jesse: Ohw, oh, that's why.
Becky: (To Joey) You to.
Joey: ohw, I don't have an aunt Ida.
DJ: Dad, how could you embarrass me in front of Steve like that?
Danny: Look I'm sorry, I just thought when you were getting of the plane you'd be kissing us.
DJ: Maybe I should have prepared you a little more for Steve.
Danny: It would have helped. A lot. Dj, I knew when you went to Spain, that you would be going out with boys, but i just thought you'd leave them there.
DJ: Steve is a great guy. He's a senior, he's on the wrestling team, he recycles.
Danny: I'm sure he's wonderful. Honey, I wanna know everything about your trip. You've been gone for so long. You have no idea I missed you so much.
DJ: I missed you too. I'll tell you what. When we go home, we have a cup of coffee and I tell you all about my trip.
Danny: That would be really....coffee? Since when do you drink coffee?
DJ: Actually café con leche.
Danny: Honey, in this country we don't drink café con leche, we drink chocolate milk.
DJ: dad, I'm almost 16. I've been too Europe. I rally think I'm old enough to choose my own beverage.
Danny: Sweetheart, I didn't choose my own beverage until I was 21, and even then my mom shows chocolate milk.
DJ: Dad, that's so provincial.
Danny: provincial?
We find Joey at the phone...
Joey: Nothing ending in I-N-S-K-Y? I know she's out there. Well, did a woman call, asking for the phonenumber of Joey Gladstone?
We also find Jesse and Becky at a phone...
Becky: Uhm, no aunt Ida, I don't hink it's such a good idea for you to give the twins haircuts.
Jesse: (Taking the phone from Becky) What? Give me that phone. Ida, I mean der dear aunt Ida. Listen, I know you wanna help, but uh..give them a sandwich, give them a bath, give them a tattoo if you want, just don't cut there hair.

We find Stephanie and Michelle sitting. In front of them are two children standing...
Michelle: Hey kid, are you coming or going?
Marie: Pardonez-moi. Je ne parle pas anglais.
Michelle: if you say so.
Stephanie: I think she's coming from another country.
Michelle: Duhhuh!
Terry: Actually, we are the international young peoples choir. We're in our world tour. We have been to 14 countries.
Stephanie: Fascinating. We've been to nowheresville.
Michelle: Was that where I got sick in the car?
Stephanie: Kids. So, what's your name?
Terry: Terry.
Stephanie: Hi, I'm Stephanie.
Terry: I'm sorry, I have to go now.
Stephanie: Right now?
Terry: You can o a board and see us of.
Stephanie: Well thank you. Come on Michelle, follow that hunk.
Michelle: But I wanna see DJ.
Stephanie: Well she doesn't want to see us. All she cares about is Steve. At least we'll have five minutes of fun this summer.
Michelle: Yeah, later for her.
Stephanie and Michelle enter the plane. While they walk, we find Danny and DJ talking...
Danny: Coffe is just water and beans, chocolate milk does the body good.
Now we find Stephanie and Michelle again...
Michelle: Stephanie, are you sure dad won't be mad?
Stephanie: Relax, we will be back before he evne knows we are gone.
In the plane...
Stephanie: (Introducing herself to some kids) Hi, nice to meet you. Stephanie tanner, USA. Stephanie tanner, USA.
Michelle: Michelle Tanner, C.A.T.
Stephanie: Michelle.
Michelle: That's all I could spell.
Flight Attendant: Okay children, please find your seats.
Michelle: I get the window!
Stephanie: Michelle, what are you doing? We are not going anywhere.
Michelle: Can't we just pretend?
Stephanie: No.
Terry: Hello Stephanie.
Stephanie: Hi. Maybe for a minute.
Michelle: (Waving out of the window) Goodbye everyone, we're going to... Excuse me, where is this plane going to?
Terry: Auckland.
Stephanie: Oakland? That's right across the bay. Why don't you just drive there?
Flight Attendant: Ladies and entleman, prepare for take-off. Please fasten your seatbelts.
Stephanie: (Noticing the plane is moving) Oh no, hang on! [I'm not, hit the breaks, we gotta stop]
Flight Attendant: Come on, there's nothing to be afraid of.
Stephanie: But.. we gotta get off.
Flight Attendant: Believe me, airplanes are the safest form of travel. And besides, you should be used to travelling by now. Now, would you just relax and buckle up. It's the law.
Michelle: You heard her. Buckle up, it's the law.
Stephanie: Excuse me, I'm doing a reporter for school. I was wondering, what would happen if someone snug on a plane without a ticket?
Flight Attendant: Well, that would be a [stallway], that's a federal crime. That person could go to prison for a long long time.
Stephanie: Great, I'll put that in my report.
Michelle: I'm really not in the mood to go to prison.
Stephanie: We're not going to prison, we're just goin to Oakland. We should be there in five minutes, and we call dad to pick us up.I'm sure he'll see the humor in the situation.
Flight Attendant: Ladies and gentleman, welcome to flight 40. We should be arriving at our destination Auckland New Zealand in 14 hours.
Stephanie: Auckland New Zealand?
Michelle: 14 hours?
Stephanie + Michelle: Aaah!

We find Stephanie and Michelle still on the plane...
Michelle: Stephanie, do they have ice cream in New Zealand?
Stephanie: I don't know Michelle, I've never been to New Zealand.
Michelle: But the probably do, right?
Stephanie: Who cares? Don't you understand we're going to jail?
Michelle: Oh, right. Do they have icecream in jail?
Stephanie: Michelle, try to stay with me once. We are lookig at hard time. I've got 14 hours to figure out a plan. The key is, don't act suspicious and stay calm.
Flight Attendant: Bevarage?
Stephanie: Al right, we did it, we snug on the plane. Please, please, please have mercy on us.
Michelle: That was your plan?

At the airport we find Joey calling...
Joey: Hi, is this Mary? Mary Czechincki? C-Z-E-C-H-I-N-S-K-Y? Yes, I finally found you. It's me, Joey Gladstone, remember, from the beach. You loved my impressions, especially my Tasmanian Devil. (He imitates the Tasmanian devil) Yadiyadiya. No wait, don't call the police, this is Mary, right? With the long blond hair? Short, blue hair? 68 years old? Are you single?
On the other side, Jesse and Becky are also still calling...
Jesse: Yes, right, listen. We will cut their hair. No no no, it will be before Hellfreeze is over. I was kind of thinking maybe when the pigs fly.
A girl stands behind Jesse..
Roberta: Excuse me, aren't you Jesse, from Jesse and the Rippers?
Jesse: (Into the phone) Gotta go, Ida. (To the girl) Well yes I am, hi.
Roberta: Hi, I saw you play last month with the boys in bowl-o-rama. You were excellent.
Jesse: (To Becky) I was excellent. (To the girl) What's your name?
Roberta: Roberta.
Jesse: Roberta? Hi, nice to see you Roberta. Hey everybody, this is Roberta. My fan. Oh, I see you got a camera, You wanna get a picture of us together?
Roberta: Oh no, that's okay.
Jesse: It's no inconvenience, really, okay. Here, smile, really, and smile! Nice picture, can you send me a copy of this one? Honey, give a pen, because I'm giving my add.... You know, there's a one-hour photo here, we're sit down in the cafeteria, we'll have a danish, we talk about the concert, you wanna do that?
Roberta: Oh, maybe some other time.
Jesse: It's really no problem.
Roberta: It was nice meeting you.
Jesse: Nice to meet you too. Oh, you forgot your camera.
Roberta: Keep it.
Jesse: What's her problem?
Becky: Oh, you know how those fans are, they get so tired being mopped by these big stars.
Jesse: I came on her a little strong?
Joey: Jess, you practically mugged her.

We find Danny walking away from a counter...
Danny: Guys, guys, Michelle (He moves his arms wildly)
Joey: Uh..uh.. Turkey, turkey!
Jesse: (Moving strange) No, this is the turkey, gabbagabba, that's aturkey.
Joey: (Also making weird moves) That's a pitchen.
Jesse: Now you're doing a sea gull, you're doing a sea gull.
DJ: Hey, what dad is trying to say is that he just talked with security, and Stephanie and Michelle are on a plane to New Zealand.
Danny: Thank you.
Jesse: We gotta stop the plane.
DJ: Dad tried, they won't trun the plane around.
Danny: They said as soon as the plane lands in New Zealand, they put the girl in the next flight back here. My little girls must be scared to death.

In the plane, we find Michelle singing and walking around...
Michelle: And he's riding 6 white horses when he comes, (Together with the other kids) Yi ha! And he's riding 6 white horses when he comes, (Together with other kids) Yi ha! (To Stephanie) I think somebody forgot to sing the yi ha's.
Stephanie: I'm too depressed to sing yi ha.When dad gets a hold of us, the only song we'll be singing is 'we'll be grounded for life'.
Michelle: (Singing) We'll be grounded for life when he comes, yi-ha (together with the other kids) We'll be grounded for life when he comes, yi ha!

At the airport...
Flight Attendant: here we are home, safe and sound.
Michelle: Thanks Suzy, New Zealand was so fun.
Stephanie: Michelle, that wasn't New Zealand. That was the airport gift shop.
Danny, Jesse and Joey walk towards them...
Stephanie: Here comes dad. Act sad so he feels sorry for us.
Michelle looks sad...
Stephanie: A little more lip.
Michelle makes a sad lip...
Stephanie: perfect.
Danny: Girls. Oh thank god you're okay. (To the flight attendant) I'm so sorry. I imagine this sort of thing happen all the time.
Flight Attendant: Not really. Bye girls.
Michelle: Bye Suzy!
Stephanie: Michelle.
Michelle: (Sayin it more sad) I mean, by Suzy. (She does the sad look again)
Danny: Did you have any idea how worried we were?
Joey: Why on the world would you et on that plane in the first place?
Stephanie: We're really sorry, it was an accident.
Jesse: An accident? You accidentally walked on that plane, accidentally sat down and accidentally flew to New Zealand?
Stephanie: Okay, it was a freak accident.
Michelle: (To Stephanie) I don't think they bought it.
Danny: You two aren't even supposed to cross the street without telling us, let alone cross the Pacific.
Stephanie: Dad, can we discuss this later?
Danny: Sure we will discuss this later. Later at home tonight, later home tomorrow, next week, at your high school graduations. For the rest of your lives...
They all walk away...

At the Tanner house, in Stephanie and Michelle's bedroom...
Stephanie: Some fun, huh, Michelle.
Michelle: Remember on the plane we kept saying 'we wanna go home, we wanna go home'?
Stephanie: Yeah.
Michelle: Well, why are we home and I wanna go back on the plane?
Stephanie: Because we're grounded for a month. Any more questions?
Michelle: Yes, why do grown ups have hair up their nose?
Then DJ walks in...
DJ: Hey, how are you guys doing?
Stephanie: More questions.
DJ: Speaking of questions, I have one. Are you nuts? What made you get on that plane to New Zealand?
Michelle: That's 2 questions.
Stephanie: We had a crummy summer, then you came back and didn't even care about us. We just wanted to have some fun.
DJ: What do you mean I didn't care about you?
Michelle: You were too busy kissing Steve.
DJ: I'm sorry you guys. Just because I have a boyfriend, it doesn't mean I don't care about you. I missed you both like crazy.
Michelle: You did?
DJ: Of course. Look, a lot of things changed for me this summer, but one thing that will never change is how much I love you guys.
They hug...
Stephanie: I love you too. But what if you marry Steve, and have ten children, and two dogs and a horse and live in a big house, with one of those bathrooms where water comes out of a golden swan and...
DJ: Steph. Trust me, I love you.
Stephanie: Okay.
DJ: Oh, I almost forgot. I have presents for you guys.
Michelle: I knew it.
Stephanie: Not that we were expecting anything.
Stephanie and Michelle unpack the presents...
Stephanie: Thank you.
DJ: You're welcome.
Michelle: Thanks you.
DJ: You're welcome.
Michelle: I like it.

***End ***

Guest Cast:
Flight Attendant: Cyd Strittmatter
Roberta: Lisa Capps
Brandy: Marta Kober
Terry: Wade J. Robson
Marie: Paige Tamada