Full House Scripts - Season 7

Teaser:

We find Becky and the twins in the kitchen...
Becky: Now boys, if your daddy gets home, let's surprise him by saying 'have mercy'. Okay, now you try it. Say it 'Have mercy'
Alex: I don't say that.
Becky: Oh, you don't say that, huh.
Nicky: I don't say that either.
Jesse walks in...
Jesse: Hey guys, how are you doing? Give me a kiss, give me a kiss. What's happening around here?
Becky: Well, I was trying to teach the boys to say have mercy for you, but I have been told they don't say that.
Jesse: Oh, that's too bad. Well thanks for trying for me, Beck.
Becky: You're welcome.
Jesse and Becky kiss...
Nicky + Alex: Have mercy!
Nicky: Have mercy!
Alex: Have mercy!

We find Stephanie at school, trying to open her locker...
Stephanie: Oh, come on, open.
Mickey: Face it, Steph, the locker hates you.
Stephanie: not as much as I hate it. Let me in.
Gia: (To Mickey) Mickey, ditch your class with me.
Mickey: Gia, I can't, I got history.
Gia: Ooh, all of the sudden Columbus discovering Ohio is more important than having a life.
Mickey: Hey, I'm doing good in that class.
Gia: You've become such a dweep lately.
Stephanie: (Still fighting with her locker) Come on, please.
Gia: I wonder who you're getting it from.
Jamie walks in...
Gia: There's that kid Jamie I was telling you about.
Mickey: Woa, he's hot.
Gia: He's mine.
Mickey: Has he asked you out?
Gia: Close, he bumped into my desk.
Mickey: Steph, I see you at lunch.
Stephanie: Hopefully. (Her locker opens) Oh, finally.
Gia pushes against the door of the locker and it closes again, Stephanie's bag is still half inside...
Gia: oops, sorry.
Stephanie: Yeah right.
Gia walks away...
Gia: Hi Jamie.
Jamie: Hi.
Stephanie: (To the locker) Come on, open.
Jamie: (To Gia) Excuse me. (He walks to Stephanie) Do you need some help with that?
Stephanie: Have a crowbar?
Jamie: (Opens the locker) Ah, see, you gotta kind of lift when you open it.
Stephanie: Thanks.
Jamie: No problem. I'm Jamie.
Stephanie: Stephanie. Do you play guitar or is that like a really big pencil bag?
Jamie: Actually I'm in a band. Human Pudding?
Stephanie: Human Pudding. What kind of music do you play?
Jamie: Loud.
Stephanie: Cool.
Jamie: Listen, my band's playing Friday. Think you might like to go with me or something?
Stephanie: Yeah, that would be great.
Jamie: Cool. Hey, it's new band night at the Smash Club, you ever been there?
Stephanie: Are you kidding? My uncle Jesse owns the Smash Club.
Jamie: Hey, do I know how to pick them or not?
A bell rings and they walk away...
Jamie: Maybe if your aunt has a Mc Donalds we can get something to eat after the show.
As they walk by, Gia looks angry...

We find Jesse, Joey and Michelle in the kitchen...
Jesse: (Reading a cook book) Okay, now we add the vanilla. Michelle, can you get the vanilla out of the spice cabinet, please?
Michelle: Vanilla, coming right up.
Jesse: Thank you. Al right, it says, add margarine and mix vigorously. (To Joey) Go ahead.
Joey starts mixing at a low speed...
Jesse: Vigorously, come on man, warp speed.
Joey: (Doing a funny voice) I'm giving you all I got captain, this spoon can't take anymore. And I've got Klingons.
Jesse: I got to get a blender. (To Michelle) Come on, Michelle, you're kidding me, where's the vanilla?
Michelle: I don't know. The spice cabinet turned in to the cleaning cabinet
Jesse: So it has. Let's check this out. (He opens another cabinet) Look at this, the pots and pans are where the soup used to be.
Danny walks in...
Danny: Good morning everybody.
Jesse: Danny, brace yourself. We've been rearranged.(He opens a cabinet and sees the shoes)
Danny: Yeah, actually I did it.
Joey: You? Danny you spend years perfecting your cabinet system.
Danny: Joey, where does everything always have to be where everything is supposed to be?
Michelle: Dad, are you sick?Let me feel your forehead.
Danny gets down, so Michelle can feel his forehead...
Michelle: (Placing her hand on Danny's forehead) Cold as a cucumber.
Danny: I'm fine, sweetheart.
Michelle: No you're not, you're scratchy.
Danny: Oh yeah, I'm sorry. I'm running a little moustache. What do you think of it?
Jesse: Oh, oh yeah, that would be a good look for you if the left side grows in.
Joey: (Doing a funny voice) And the right side.
Danny: Al right guys, very cute. You both, you are just cracking me up.
Joey: Uh, Danny, all these changes wouldn't have anything to do with you and Vicky breaking off your engagement, would it?
Danny: Absolutely not. Everything is fine. It's been weeks already, okay. I'm over it, I just think it's time for a few changes around here. To everything turn turn turn, there is a season. Turn turn turn. That reminds me, it's time to turn the mattress, excuse me. (He runs up the stairs)
Michelle: Boy, we've got a big problem here.
Joey: You know, Michelle is right. Danny can deny it all he wants, but this Vicky thing is really eating away out him.
Michelle: No, I mean we still can't find the vanilla.
Jesse: Al right, we'll find the vanilla. Listen guys, Danny is having a little problem with this whole thing, so we just have to be there for him until he gets over it. And if he wants to make change I'd say just go ahead and indulge him, you know what I'm saying, we have to be loving and we have to be caring, okay. Now let's finish those cookies, we need the vanilla, where's the vanilla. (He opens a cabinet and balls roll out of it) (Angry) What, is he out of his mind? What kind of idiot would put balls...
Michelle: Uncle Jesse, do you think that's loving, or caring?

We find Stephanie entering DJ's room, where Kimmy also is...
Stephanie: Hey guys, guess what? (She wants to put her beg on something, but it's gone) the chair is gone. Dad's been here. Anyway, I have a date Friday.
DJ: Hey, all right, Steph.
Kimmy: Does he have an older brother?
Stephanie: I don't think so.
Kimmy: In that case, who cares?
Michelle walks into the room...
Michelle: Steph, someone named Gia's here to see you.
Stephanie: Gia, what does she want?
Michelle: Do I look like your secretary?
Stephanie walks out of the room...
Michelle: (To DJ) What happened to your room?

Downstairs, we find Danny, Becky and Gia...
Danny: Here you go.
Gia: Thanks for the autographs, I just can't get enough from Wake Up San Francisco.
Danny: Well thank you, it's out pleasure.
Stephanie: Hi Gia.
Gia: Oh hi, Stephanie.
Becky: Steph, we didn't know your friend Gia was such a delight.
Stephanie: Neither did I.
Gia: Stephanie, why don't' we go to your room and talk?
Stephanie: Okay.
Danny: Oh Gia, Gia, stop by whenever you like.
Gia: Thanks. Great moustache, Mr. Selleck.
Danny: Thanks, you can call me Tom.
Stephanie and Gia walk away

In Stephanie and Michelle's room, we find Michelle trying to push a desk away...
Michelle: (Trying hard to push) Uhw. Uhw.... Actually, this works.
Stephanie and Gia walk in...
Stephanie: This is my room. I think.
Michelle: Dad's been busy.
Stephanie: Gia, this is my little sister Michelle.
Gia: (With the voice of a little child) Hi Michelle, do you mind if your sister and I talk?
Michelle: (With the same kind of voice) Are you going to be talking like this?
Gia: Tell you what, if you leave us alone, I'll give you a Tic Tac.
Michelle: Wow, a whole Tic Tac, just for me. (To Stephanie, when she walks away) Who's your friend?
Gia: Listen Tanner, what you did today was really low. You knew I like Jamie, but you went for him anyway.
Stephanie: I didn't know you liked him.
Gia: Now you know, so you better call your little date off.
Stephanie: No way.
Gia: Tell him you can't make it, you're not feeling well.
Stephanie: I feel fine.
Gia: You won't if you don't call off your date.
Stephanie: I'm not gonna do that.
Gia: Fine, it's your funeral.
Gia walks away...

The next day at Stephanie's school...
Gia: (Talking to some girls) I'm telling you, it's true. Here she comes.
Stephanie walks in and all kids start laughing, Stephanie starts laughing with them...
Mickey: Stephanie, get over here.
Stephanie: What are they laughing at?
Mickey: You. (She shows Stephanie a sheet that's on her locker)
Stephanie: (Reading the sheet) Earn big bucks, what does that mean?
Mickey: Gia told everybody that you paid Jamie twenty bucks to go out with you. It's all over school.
Stephanie: (Taking the sheet of her locker) What?
Scott: Hey Steph, I'll go out with you, I need a new bike.
Mickey: Hang in there.
Mickey walks away and Jamie walks to Stephanie...
Jamie: Steph, we got to talk.
Stephanie: (Showing him the sheet) About this?
Jamie: Yeah, everybody's been ragging on me. Now who started this?
Stephanie: It's Gia. She said if we didn't call of our date she'd make my life miserable.
Scott: Hey Jamie, I was wondering.. oh, sorry, didn't mean to disturb at from work.
Stephanie: Listen, I'm really sorry about all this, If you want to break the date I understand.
Jamie: Maybe that's a good idea.
Stephanie: It is?
Jamie: Sorry, Steph.
Stephanie: Me too.
Jamie walks away, Gia waves mean to Stephanie...

We find Jesse, Danny and Joey in the living room...
Danny: Right, keep going, stay with me here, keep going, stop! Drop the Merlitzer. This is the spot.
Joey: In the middle of the room?
Danny: Absolutely, this is a good idea. You know what, this is a conversations piece here.
Joey: Oh you think so?
Danny: See, we are talking about it already.
DJ and Kimmy walk into the living room...
DJ: Interesting, organs in the middle of the room.
Danny: Am I wrong, or is this house buzzed with organ related chatter?
Kimmy: Deej, you're dad is totally flicked out.
DJ: It's this whole splitting up with Vicky thing. We're just trying to be supportive.
Kimmy: I understand, hey soup for one, mind if I tickle the ivories? (Playing the organ) They say that breaking up is hard to do.
Danny: You know what, I think that I liked the organ better over there, okay. What's left? Oh, Joey's room. Excuse me.
Danny walks away if Jesse and Joey lift the organ again...
Joey: You know, I don't care how upset Danny is, I like it best the way it is.
Jesse: Oh what is he gonna do, rearrange your Bullwinkle nigh light?
Danny: hey guys, is the chainsaw gassed up?
Jesse and Joey drop the organ...
Joey: (Imitating Bullwinkle) let's go Rock.
Jesse and Joey run upstairs...

Stephanie enters the house...
Stephanie: I hate my life.
DJ: Let me guess, bad day at school?
Stephanie: Gia told everybody that I paid Jamie 20 bucks to go out with me.
Kimmy: 20 bucks? Boy, prices have gone up since I left Junior high.
Stephanie: It's just a rumor Gia started to scare him off. Boy did it work. Gotta get her back.
Kimmy: Well, I can lend you my gym socks to stick in her locker.
DJ: Kimmy she wants to hurt her, not kill her.

That night in the kitchen, there is a new table, without legs...
Danny: So guys, what do you think?
DJ: This is a great idea dad, what can be more fun than sharing an authentic Japanese meal with your family and friends? (Comet starts eating out of a bowl) And your golden retriever?
Danny: Oh, Comet, sayonara, boy, come on. That's enough, there's sushi outside. Come on.
Michelle: How long do we have to eat on the floor?
Jesse: Well, till your dad is getting over this post Vicky blues thing. Or one more day, whatever comes first.
Danny: Oh, this is so much fun, watching my family having a good time, enjoying their dinner, savoring new experiences. Nicky, Alex, how are you making up with your chop sticks?
The twins are drumming with the sticks...
Becky: Alex, chop sticks are not a toy.
Alex: How about Joey?
Joey has put the sticks in his mouth, pretending he is a seal, and the sticks are his teeth...
Joey: How did those get there?
Somebody knocks at the door..
Stephanie: I'll get it.
Danny: Dig in, everyone.
Stephanie opens the door and Mickey walks in...
Mickey: Hi Steph. Hey cool, you guys went Japanese. Oh excuse me, Mr. tanner, you got a little soja sauce on your lip.
Danny: That's a moustache.
Steve: Hey, come on, don't worry about it, Mr. tanner. I tried to grow a moustache once.
DJ: What happened?
Steve: Nothing.
Stephanie: Dad, can I be excused? Mickey and I have some work to do.
Danny: Okay, but you're gonna miss the eel.
Stephanie: I'll get over it.(to Mickey) Did you get Gia's file?
Mickey: Right here.
Stephanie and Mickey walk upstairs...
Becky: You know, Danny, this Sushi tastes so good, you don't even think of it like raw fish.
Michelle: I'm eating raw fish?
Joey: No.
Michelle: Thank goodness.
Joey: You're eating squid.
Michelle: Uhw. (She spits it out) Dad, we know that you're sad about Vicky, but I just had a squid in my mouth.
Danny: Wait a minute, everybody, who thinks I'm sad about Vicky?
All raise their hands...
Danny: Well, for your information, I haven't thought about Vicky once today, or how much I miss her, you know, where she is at this very moment. You know the way she cranked her cute little nose when I sprayed too much air freshener through the room.
Becky: Danny, it's normal to feel pain, but, you know going around changing everything is just avoiding your feelings.
Jesse: yeah, and we all end up sitting on the floor with our gut full of bate.
Danny: I'm sorry, truth is, I...I do miss her. But I guess I can't change that by changing everything else, huh.
Joey: Danny, you know something Danny, I think it's just gonna take some time.
Danny: You're telling me, (Pointing at the moustache) This took 4 days. I thought I reached puberty already. Thanks for putting up with me, guys.
Joey: Danny, until then, can we just go back to normal around here?
Danny: Hey you know what, getting back to normal sounds pretty good to me right now.
Jesse: Hallelujah, let's fry up these suckers.
He takes a bowl and walks to the stove...

At Stephanie's school, we find kids laughing at a poster at the wall...
Scott: Hey guys, check it out, somebody blew up Gia's report card and stuck it on the wall.
Mickey: Oh that's terrible.
Stephanie: Who would do such an awful thing?
They shake hands...
Jamie: (Walking to Stephanie) Steph, listen, I'm really sorry about yesterday. I'm not gonna let Gia run my life. So if it's okay with you, are we still on for the Smash Club tonight?
Stephanie: Yeah. Gee, this day is just getting better and better.
Jamie: (Looking at the kids at Gia's report card) What's going on over there?
Stephanie: A little thing that I like to call 'sweet revenge'.
Jamie: (Looking at the report card) Al right, Steph, Oh well, she had it coming anyway. See ya tonight.
Stephanie: Tonight.
Jamie walks away as Gia walks in...
Mickey: There comes Gia.
Scott: Hey Gia, what's zero plus zero plus zero?
Gia: I give up, Scott.
Scott: You're grade point average.
All kids laugh, and Gia sees her report card, which she pulls of the wall...
Gia: Who did this?
Stephanie waves at Gia, the way Gia waved at Stephanie the day before...
Gia: You? You little... you little...
Stephanie: Now we know why you got an F in English.
Gia walks away, the bell rings...
Mickey: We got her good.
Scott: Ruthless, Steph, I love it.
All kids walk away, only Stephanie and a Gia, who is hiding her face in her locker, are in the hallway...
Stephanie: So Gia, looks like we're even.
Gia turns her head, which is wet from crying, and walks away...

That night at the Smash Club...
Jesse: (Walking through dancing kids) Nice haircut, really nice haircut. Al right everybody, good, have some fun, dance, that's good, all right, that's good, dance, have a good time. Work up an appetite, buy some food.
We find Stephanie, Jamie and Scott sitting at a table...
Jamie: Are you okay, Steph? You seem kind of quiet.
Stephanie: I'm fine.
Jamie: Well listen, guys, I got to go tune up.
Gia walks in...
Scott: I didn't think Gia would have the guts to show up tonight.
Gia sits down at a table with some other girls, as Kimmy takes their drinks...
Kimmy: Howdy-ho junior highsters, what can I do you for?
Gia: Do something about this sticky table, bring us the menus and try not to take forever.
Kimmy: Okay. (She walks away to the bar, where Jesse is standing) That's one cappuccino I'll be spitting in.
Jesse looks up to Kimmy...
Mickey: Oh I love this song. Scott, dance with me.
Scott: I don't wanna. (Mickey pulls him away) Okay, cool.
Jesse: (Walking to Stephanie) What's happening Steph, having fun?
Stephanie: Not really.
Jesse: Not really, what's the matter?
Stephanie: well, a girl spread this awful rumor about me.
Jesse: Say no more, same thing happened to me in junior high school. It was this ugly awful vicious rumor about me and a root perm.
Stephanie: Well, I did something mean to get back at her, but I think I really hurt her feelings.
Jesse: Oh, you thought it would make you feel good, but it didn't, huh.
Stephanie: Right. I thought revenge supposed to be sweet, so how come I feel lousy?
Jesse: I hate to bring it to you, kiddo, but you're encursed with a good heart.
Stephanie: Uncle Jesse, this girl humiliated me in front of the whole school.
Jesse: Stephanie, what have I always told you?
Stephanie: Never get a beauty school haircut?
Jesse: Well, yeah, but no, no, I have always told you that it doesn't matter what other people think about you. All that matters is what you think about yourself.
Stephanie: ( Looking at Gia, who is sitting, looking sad) Right now, I don't think that much of myself.
Jesse: Well you listen to that good heart of yours, it will tell you what to do.
They both stand up and hug. Stephanie walks to Gia, and sits down opposite of her...
Gia: What do you want?
Stephanie: I came to apologize.
Gia: Well I don't need your apology. It wasn't that tragic. So what? You told the whole world I stink at school. It's not like it's any a big secret.
Stephanie: Well maybe if you didn't ditch school all the time.
Gia: Oh what do you know? Nobody gives me a break. Just once, I'd like to have a teacher who hasn't heard of me before I got into the classroom.
Stephanie: You know, it doesn't matter what other people think, it's what you think about yourself.
Gia: That's a very valuable lesson. Thanks, Barney.
Stephanie: I'm serious, you got a lot going for you.
Gia: Like what?
Stephanie: Well, you're a natural leader.
Gia: Yeah sure.
Stephanie: And you're pretty.
Gia: Pretty stupid?
Stephanie: No, pretty pretty. And you have a locker that actually opens.
Gia: Tanner, you're such a dweep.
Jesse: (On stage) Good night, attention everyone. Welcome to new band night, here at the Smash Club. First up is the pride of Di Maggio Junior High School. (The audience cheers) Okay, yeah yeah yeah, relax, relax, relax. They are doing their hit single, from their yet to be recorded album. The young, the excruciatingly hip, Human... Pudding.
The band starts to play...
Band: Human Pudding! Human Pudding! We're human We're pudding. Human pudding!
Gia: Not bad.
Stephanie: Yeah, they're pretty good.
Gia: I meant the drummer. But don't get any ideas, he's mine.
Kimmy: (bringing a drink) One Gibbler special cappuccino.
Stephanie: You don't wanna drink that. Come on, let's dance.
Gia: Okay.
The girls stand up and start dancing while the band keeps playing, and Jesse keeps waving a lighter through the air...

***End ***

Guest Cast:
Mickey: Molly Morgan
Gia: Marla Sokoloff
Jamie: Eric Lively
Scott: Justin Carmack