Full House Scripts - Season 8

Teaser:

Stephanie and Michelle are in the living room
Stephanie: It's not in the kitchen.
Michelle: We have to find it, it's gonna start soon.
Danny: I checked the washer, I checked the dryer, I even checked the linen trap, nothing.
Joey: Hey guys good news!
Danny + Stephanie + Michelle: you found it?
Joey: No, but I found this bear claw in my slipper.
DJ: It's not outside, it just disappeared.
Becky: Well, we checked all the boys' secret hiding places.
Jesse: It's official: the remote is lost!
Danny: well, one of us could actually walk to the TV and hit the power button.
Alex: No way!
Then Comet walks in...
DJ: look, Comet got it!
Michelle: Quick, on boy!
Comet turns on the TV and the intro starts...

We find Jesse, the twins and the rippers down in the garage...
Jesse: Al right, let's do that funky thing. Two three..now!
The twins start hitting their drums...
Jesse: Sons, this is great. You guys might not recognize this, but that's 'satisfaction'.
Gary: Gee, you might not recognize that we are trying to rehears here.
Jesse: Yeah, I'm sorry. Hey boys, listen to your uncle Gary. If you wanna grow up and be good strong musicians you got to rehears. Now let's practice that Mick Jagger thing we have been doing.
The boys make funny faces with their lips...
Jesse: You see, they got the lip, they got the stand, they got the... you guys don't care. Boys, go play with your Playdo, and watch daddy play some music, okay. Here we go one more time. And one, two, three...
Then Becky walks down the stairs...
Becky: Jess, honey, I hate to interrupt, but which one of these swizzle sticks do you want to choose for the Smash Club?
Jesse: Oh, right. Sorry guys. When you own a club, as I do, every decision is critical. I mean, even a swizzle stick is a science kind of thing. I mean, it's got to be durable, stirrable, It's gotta set the right mood.
Becky: Blue ones are cheaper.
Jesse: Blue sets the right mood.
Ripper: Jess, when will you gonna be in the right mood to play a little music, huh?
Jesse: Right now. And one, two, three, come on...
They play some music, as Joey runs down the stairs...
Joey: (Trying to talk louder than the music) Jesse, they need us down at the radio station right away.
Jesse: Ho, ho, ho! Huh?
Joey: (Still talking loud) They need us down... (Talks normal) They need us down at the radio station right away.
Jesse: What are you talking about? We are the Rush Hour Renegades, what happened to the Lunch hour Lunatics?
Joey: Oh, they quit, they had a big argument with the Morning Maniacs over who was going to fill in for the Weekend Wacko's. It's getting crazy out there, Jess.
Jesse: Yeah, yeah, sounds like it. Okay, meet me upstairs, I'll be there in a few minutes. Hey guys, I'm sorry, but I have to cut it short.
Roger: Jess, we're tired of cutting it short, man.
Jesse: What are you talking about?
Roger: Listen, this is the hardest thing we ever had to do, but the guys and I we took a vote and we voted you out of the band.
Jesse: What do you mean, out of the band? We have a big gig next weekend. You guy... You knuckleheads... That's funny.
Roger: Jess, I'm not trying to be funny. Look, you're just not into the band anymore. I mean, you got all these other stuff in your life now, man, you lost your passion for the music. I'm sorry.
Jesse: I haven't lost my passion, you guys are serious about this? Come on, you guys are like a family. Johny Lowand, Tony, Gary, Lonny.
Lanny: It's Lanny.
Jesse: Lanny, right, Lanny, the guy I like to call Lanny, the lan-man.
Gary: Jess, hey man we're sorry. It's over.
Jesse: Guys!
Jesse sits down...
Alex: Don't your friends wanna play anymore?
Jesse: Not with me.
The twins hug Jesse...

We find DJ and Nelson entering the house...
Nelson: I had such a wonderful time today with you Deej.
DJ: Yeah, I had a lot of fun too, Nelson.
Kimmy: Deej, this guy is the perfect boyfriend. I mean, he cashed a check and the bank bounced.
Stephanie: Hey Nelson, thanks for inviting us today, you are a prince and a half.
Michelle: The rides, the games, the shows, you have the best back yard.
Kimmy: So, Nellie boy, what are you treating us to next weekend?
Nelson: Well, actually my father is throwing an end-of-the-summer soiree on one of our yachts. It's the little one, but it should still be fine. Are you all coming? See you later.
Stephanie: Wow, a party on a yacht. Imagine, me, little Stephanie Tanner, rubbing elbows with the rich and famous.
Michelle: I'll party with them, but do I have to rub them?
DJ: Look, Nelson is a great guy, but I'm breaking up with him.
Stephanie + Michelle + Kimmy: What?
DJ: I just don't feel any chemistry between us. And if I don't end it now, I will just be leading him on.
Kimmy: Well can't you lead him on to the yacht for one more party?
DJ: Look, I'm not going to stay with guy because he has an ATM in his living room.
Michelle: I'm sorry Steph, it looks like you're back to rubbing poor people.

We find Jesse and Becky in the kitchen...
Jesse: I can't believe the Rippers dumped me like that. I mean we were like brothers. Roger, Gary, Lonny.
Becky: Lanny.
Jesse: It's like they stabbed me right in the heart.
Becky: Sweety, I know that it hurts, but you got to get on with your life. So you don't have your band, you still have your music.
Jesse: You know what, you're right, you're absolutely right. I'm gonna do that gig next weekend as a solo-artist. I'm a singer slash song writer, so will write it slash sing it.
Becky: That's it honey, that's the right attitude. Anger slash bitterness isn't gonna get you anywhere.
Jesse: Right. I got an idea for a new tune right now.
Then Comet walks in with some weenie's in his mouth, followed by Danny...
Danny: Comet! Comet! Comet, that's our diner.
Comet Grumbles.
Danny: Comet, I command you to drop those weeners.
Comet Grumbles
Michelle: I'll call the pizza guy.
Danny: That won't be necessary honey, Comet is a smart enough dog to know that if he doesn't drop those hotdogs right now, I'm gonna take him back to the groomer that puts that little pink bows in his hair.
Comet puts the weenies down.
Danny: Uhw. Why is Comet so hungry?
Michelle: Comet, did anybody feed you today? Let's get you some food.
Danny: Uncle Jesse, according to the schedule here on my work wheel, today was your day to feed Comet and F.Y.I tomorrow you walk him.
Jesse: Danny I'm sorry, but I have too much on my mind to decode your stupid work wheel.
Danny: Jess, for the millionth time, You simply line up your name, the date, the week, the month, lift the little flap, find your magic chore number and look it up on the task screen. What could be easier?
Michelle: I'll walk Comet tomorrow.
Danny: Michelle, you are a little too small to walk Comet, Comet will be walking you. Besides, uncle Jesse knows it's his responsibility. And he is gonna do it with a smile.

We find Jesse on the phone in the living room...
Jesse: Hey, babe, I don't need the Rippers anymore. No, see, this is the beauty, this is the beauty behind this whole thing. Your club is going to be the first to have Jesse Katsopolis, alone and unplugged. Absolutely, yeah, I hate it too. No, no, plugged man, plugged, plugged is the way to go. In fact I'm plugged right now.
Michelle: (Walking in) Uncle Jesse, it's time to walk Comet.
Jesse: Not now sweetheart, I'm on the phone, a very important phone call. Listen, I know, I know I promised you a band and a band is what you're gonna get, okay?
Michelle: But uncle Jesse, he really needs his walk. He's sitting with his legs crossed.
Jesse: Honey then walk him, all right?
Michelle: By myself?
Jesse: Yes, whatever.
Michelle: Okay. Hang on Comet, I'm coming.

We find Michelle and Comet walking on the street...
Michelle: Comet, slow down! What have we been feeding you?
Then a car with a big weenie on the roof passes by, making some noise, Comet follows it...
Michelle: Comet come back! Simon says come back! Michelle says come back! Comet stop! I'm not allowed to cross the street.
Stephanie: (Walks by) Hey Michelle, Michelle what are you doing here?
Michelle: I lost Comet.
Stephanie: What?
Michelle: I was walking him and he ran away from me.
Stephanie: Michelle, you know you're not supposed to walk him by yourself.
Michelle: Uncle Jesse said it was okay.
Stephanie: He would never say that.
Michelle: I don't care if you believe me or not, I just wanna find him.
Stephanie: Michelle, you really messed up big time. Which way did he go?
Michelle: That way, he was chasing an enormous weener.
Stephanie: Yeah right, in a big giant bun.
Michelle: You saw it too?
Stephanie: Stop it, okay? We have to find him, come on.
They cross the street, calling Comet's name...

We find Comet chasing the car with the weener. When he passes a lady dog, he stops and turns and walk to her. Then they run away together..

We find DJ and Nelson watching the Golden Gate bridge...
Nelson: So, it's definitely over between us? There's nothing a can do to change your mind, buy you a nice bridge perhaps?
DJ: Well, it would look great over my bed, but the traffic would keep me up at night. I will always remember the fun we had this summer.
Nelson: So will I. I still have the receipts.
Kimmy: (Running towards them) DJ, don't do it.
DJ: Kimmy, you're too late, it's over.
Kimmy: Oh but Deej, look at him. He's cute, he's sweet. His haircut costs more than my house.
DJ: Kimmy, I'm not gonna stay with someone just because they have money.
Kimmy: You are so selfish!
Then Stephanie and Michelle run towards them..
Stephanie: Deej, Comet's lost.
DJ: What? What happened?
Michelle: Uncle Jesse said I could walk him, and he ran after a giant hotdog.
Stephanie: Would you give up that stupid hotdog story!
Michelle: I told you a million times it's true.
DJ: Look, I wouldn't care if he was chasing a fruit cup.
Michelle: Why would he chase a fruit cup? He likes hotdogs.
DJ: Whatever, let's go find him.
Nelson: You know what, you guys take my limo, you can cover more ground that way.
DJ: Thanks Nelson. (She kisses him on the cheek)
Kimmy: Goodbye. (She kisses Nelson on his mouth) here, phone, fax, beeper. I'm freeway closed. Call me anytime.
The girls drive away...

We find Jesse and Joey in the garage...
Jesse: Joseph this is so cool. I should have done this one-man-band idea a long time ago. Who needs those Rippers? Plug that thing in for me, will you?
Joey: Okay.
Joey plugs the plug in and a short power breakdown follows...
Jesse: Away, get away, don't touch that. Al right, everything is set, watch this. First of all we're starting with the drums. Listen.
Joey: Ah, beautiful.
Jesse: Now we add a little bass. Now the guitar like this.
Joey: Sounds good, Jess, go, yeah!
Then Joey sees some smoke coming out of the amplifier...
Joey: Wow, you're smoking down, Jess.
The amplifier gets smoking more and more and some small electric flames are visible...
Joey: Woa, dyna-bite this!
Jesse: You see what you've done now? I should have known it. The first rule of physics. Idiots and electronics don't mix.
Joey: That's the first rule?
Jesse: Get out, get out, I don't need you anymore.
The phone rings...
Jesse: Uh, could you answer that for me pally?
Joey: Sure buddy.
Jesse: I always liked you.
Joey: You're my friend. (he picks up the phone) Tanner residence.
Michelle: Joey, it's me.
Joey: Oh, hello Michelle.
Michelle: Don't get mad, but we got a big big problem. Comet ran away and we can't find him anywhere.
Joey: Oh no, Michelle, how could this happen?
Michelle: Uncle Jesse said to walk him.
Joey: What? Jesse, did you give Michelle permission to walk Comet by herself?
Jesse: Of course not. I remember exactly what happened. I was on the phone, I was kind of busy and she was bugging me. She said 'can I walk Comet' and I sai....I'm an idiot.
Just after he said that, some electricity comes out of one of the wires...

In town we find the girls, when the car with the hotdog drives by...
Michelle: Stop, stop the car, there it is!
DJ: Come on guys, let's go. Where there is a weener, there's a hungry dog. Comet got to be around here somewhere.
Stephanie: Comet!
DJ: Here boy!
Stephanie: Michelle, I'm really sorry I didn't believe you.
Michelle: That's all right. Once I lied to you and you did believe me.
Kimmy: Hey twerp, are you really sure that's the car you saw?
Michelle: No Kimmy, there is millions of giant hotdogs driving around.
Kimmy: Well that's gonna make our job even tougher.
They all call Comet. He passes in one of the cable cars behind them, with his 'girlfriend' dog...

We find Jesse, Joey and the twins driving around...
Joey: Hey Jess, pull over.
Jesse: Why are we at [quake] tower?
Joey: I take Comet for walks up here. Maybe he came back. I'm just trying to think like a dog.
Jesse: Last time you did that you bit the mailman.
Joey: He was teasing me.
Jesse: We don't have time for this, biscuit brain. Every second we spend here the dog's getting further away and Michelle's gonna hate me more and more.
Joey: Well, comparing to Danny Michelle's gonna be a love fast.
Jesse: Oh, Danny that's right. He's down at the wharf doing a remote with Becky. What are we gonna tell him?
Joey: We're not gonna tell him anything, you're gonna tell him.
Alex: Daddy look, up there!
Jesse: yeah I know boy, there's a giant tower. We wanna find Comet we have to look for a giant fire hydrant.
They drive away, we find Comet and his friend up on the tower...
Twins: Bye bye!

At the wharf we find Danny and Becky...
Becky: I'm Rebecca Donaldson.
Danny: And I guess that would make me Danny Tanner.
Becky: Then this is a special afternoon edition of 'Wake up San Francisco'.
Danny: So I guess it's more like 'How was lunch, San Francisco?'
Becky: We're here life in Quarack park near Fisherman's wharf for a special report on one of San Francisco's most unique and entertaining assets. It's street performance.
Then Jesse, Joey and the twins run toward Danny and Becky...
Jesse: Hey Danny. Sorry, listen, Danny, we have a problem.
Danny: Cut!
Becky: Danny we can't cut. We're life on the Quarack park.
Danny: Un-cut!
Jesse: Uhm, before I say anything, I want you to know in front this whole thing was my fault.
Danny: I hate stories that start like that.
Becky: Well, why don't we have a nice long look over here at Rollo, the human manikin? Maybe he'll move, let's watch.
Danny: Jess, this better be important, the entire Bay area is waiting for a blink.
Jesse: I know, listen, I.. I let Michelle walk Comet by herself, and he ran away.
Danny: What? Little girl, big dog? What's the matter to you?
Jesse: I know, I totally blew it, I'm completely irresponsible, I'm totally neglectible... (Watching Rollo) What are you smiling at?
Becky: He's smiling, because we're still life out of Quarack park.
Danny: Yes, that's right Rebecca, and as much as we all like to watch Rollo age, I would like to make a special plea right now to all the viewers who haven't yet switched over to uncle Kenny's cartoon carnival. I've just been notified that our family dog Comet is missing.
Stephanie: Dad, dad, Comet is missing.
Danny: I've just been notified again.
Stephanie: He was chasing a giant hotdog. At first I didn't believe Michelle, but it's okay, cause I owed her for a time she lied and I did believe her.
Becky: Well you never know what's gonna happen here, life at Quarack park.
DJ: We're life? Oh I hate this dress. (She tries to hide behind Kimmy)
Kimmy: Hi, I'm Kimmy Gibbler, I like long walks on the beach, sunsets and men, covered with gravy.
Joey: Uhm folks, if you find a golden retriever, light brown, medium build, he's got a black wet nose, that feels kind of cold and tingly when he, you know, presses it up against your bare feet, sometimes he sticks his tongue right between your toes...
Danny: Joey, that will be more than we need to know. Thank you. Folks, if you've ever lost your dog, you know how we feel, he answers to the name of Comet, although if he'd really answer to that, he would have come when we called him. His name's on his dog tag and our phone number is on it. Please call, 24 hours a day, we'll be there. Michelle, honey, is there anything you'd like to add, sweety?
Michelle: Comet, if you're lost, remember. We live on Gerard street, right next to your favorite hydrant.
We find Comet and the other dog, sitting in front of a television store, where they can see Michelle on one of the TV's.
Michelle: Gee boy, I hope you're not out there scared and alone, because we love you and miss you. And we want you to come home as soon as you can, okay boy?
Comet touches his girlfriend and walks away....

We find Michelle in the backyard, when Jesse walks out the door....
Jesse: hey shorty, how are you doing?
Michelle: I miss Comet.
Jesse: Yeah, we all do.
Michelle: Remember how he used to chew on his rubber pork chop? (She pinches the toy and it beeps) It's not the same without his slobber. Why did you let me walk Comet alone, what were you thinking?
Jesse: Well, that's the problem Michelle, I wasn't thinking. I was so hurt by this Rippers thing, that I all I could think about was showing them up, you know, proofing that I don't need them. And I didn't listen to them, they were absolutely right, I did kind of loose my passion for the music. And what happened, right? I let you walk Comet, you could have been pulled up in the street, you could have been hurt.
Michelle: Uncle Jesse, I'm okay. I'm just worried about Comet.
Jesse: We all are. I'm really sorry, shorty.
Michelle: It's okay, uncle Jesse. (She hugs him) What if Comet never comes home?
Jesse: Oh, Comet's gonna come home. I'm gonna plaster these posters all over the city and I', m gonna go out to look for him night and day until he comes back.
Michelle: I miss him so much, I can still hear his pork chop.
Jesse: So can I.
Then Comet walks towards them...
Michelle: I can see him too.
Jesse: Me too. Comet, you came back, good boy, good boy. Hey everybody, Comet's back! Good boy.
Then Danny runs out of the door...
Danny: Guys, Comet's back!
The others also walk outside and gather around Comet.
Danny: We really missed you boy.
Michelle: Comet, I wish you could talk. I sure like to know what you did last day.
Comet thinks about the other dog...

***End ***

Guest Cast:
Nelson: Jason Marsden
Roger: Roger Lodge
Gary: Gary Thomas Griffin
Lanny: Lanny Cordola