Full House Scripts - Season 8

Teaser Missing

We find Michelle playing a video game, Nicky and Alex come running in
Alex: Can we play?
Michelle: Guys, Montezuma's Quest is a very complicated game. It takes timing, skill, and plenty of brain power.
Video Game: You have failed! Ha ha ha!
Nicky and Alex: You have failed! Ha ha ha!
Michelle: At least I can tie my own shoe.
Nicky: So what?
Alex: We have Velcro!
Nicky and Alex leave
Jesse enters
Jesse: Hey Shortcake.
Michelle: Uncle Jesse, can you help me with this video game?
Jesse: Oh..Michelle I'm sorry. Video games have never really been my thing. Now pinball! There's a game.
Michelle: What's pinball?
Jesse: What's pinball? You don't know what pinball is? Haven't you ever heard of Tommy?
Michelle: Who?
Jesse: Right.
Michelle: Who's right?
Jesse: No, who's on first?
Michelle: Uh, let me guess...Tommy?
Jesse: Nah, I'm just kidding ya, it's an old Abbot Costello routine.
Michelle: Who?
Jesse: Don't start with me with the who again. Just show me the game.
Michelle: Okay, the object of the game is you have to find the 3 magic keys.
Jesse: 3 magical keys, now that doesn't seem so hard.
Michelle: Right, but so far I haven't found anything. Heck, I can't even open the door to the magic universe! I knocked, I rang the bell, I...
Jesse steals the controller from Michelle
Jesse: Well you're too polite, you gotta ram the sucker!
Video Game: Ow!
Michelle: Uncle Jesse, you dented his head.
Jesse: Yeah, well...look at this. Have you checked under the welcome mat, there? That's usually where they hide keys.
We hear lively music
Jesse: We found the first key!
Michelle: Okay, Uncle Jesse..I can take it from here.
Jesse: Well...let me just open the door...let me just..try that.
We hear scary music
Jesse: Frightening music. Now should we take the stairs, or the hall?
Video Game: Beware of the hall!
Jesse: We'll take the stairs.

We find Stephanie and Gia at the mall
Gia: Check out those guys!
Stephanie: Those guys? They're in high school...they'd never look at us.
Gia: Steph! They're men, we're women. Let's just turn on the charm.
Stephanie and Gia do their hair while the two guys walk past them
Gia: Okay, Plan B! (She whistles) Hey you! Haul it over!
The two guys sit down
Gia: Hello gentlemen.
Barry: Do we know you?
Jason: Oh! Aren't you the girls that jumped on stage at that 9 Inch Nails concert?
Stephanie: No, but..we just got kicked out of a Piano and Organ store!
Jason: Cool!
Gia: This is Steph, and I'm Gia. You guys got names?
Jason: I'm Jason, he's Barry. We've never seen you at Bay View.
Stephanie: Oh, that's because we're not in high school.
Gia: She means, we're not in that high school. We go to a private school.
Barry: Oh which one?
Stephanie: Uh...Can't tell you! It's private.
Jason: So what grade are you in?
Gia: What grade are you?
Barry: Uh we're sophomores.
Gia: What a small world, so are we.
Jason: Really? You don't look 16.
Stephanie: That's because I uh...take care of myself!

DJ and Kimmy walk over
DJ: Hey sis!
Stephanie: Hi, Deej!
Barry: That's your sister? You're a senior at Bay View aren't you?
Kimmy: Hey! You're the losers who drilled a peep hole in the girls' locker room.
Jason: You're the reason we plugged it up!
Kimmy: Hey, that hole works both ways, zit butt!
Barry: So Steph, if DJ goes to Bay View, how come you go to that private high school?
DJ: Yeah Steph, how come?
Stephanie: Deej don't you remember? Dad uh..had a coupon!
Kimmy: Well it's finally happened! Blondie's lost it! Security!
Stephanie: Kimmy! Deej, come here.
Stephanie walks away with Kimmy and DJ
Stephanie: We told these guys that we're 16, and they believed us! Don't blow it, please?
DJ: Hey go ahead have fun.
Kimmy: Woah wait a minute. Why should we help you lie?
Stephanie: Okay...I promise no cracks about you for a week!
Kimmy: Deal.
Stephanie: Deal.
They shake
Stephanie: And uh..by the way, Big Bird called, he wants his legs back.
Kimmy: Hey!
Stephanie: Sorry, just getting one last one out of my system. See ya guys later.
DJ: Bye.
Kimmy: Bye!
Stephanie goes back to Gia
Stephanie: Hey, where'd Jason and Barry go?
Gia: They went to get their car.
Stephanie: They have a car?
Gia: Yeah, isn't it cool? They're giving us a lift home.
Stephanie: Uh, Gia...I don't think I'm supposed to get in a car with people I don't know.
Gia: Steph, we know their names, their school...we've been talking to them for at least 3 minutes! What more do you need to know?
Stephanie: 2 doors or 4?

We find Nicky, Alex, Michelle and Jesse playing the video game
Michelle: Okay Uncle Jesse I think I can do...
Jesse: What kind of Uncle would I be if I left you in a cave full of intergalactic wombats? Sit.
Alex: Zomp the wombat, daddy!
Jesse: Alright, son...one zomped wombat coming up!
Nicky: Bye bye wombat!
Joey enters
Joey: I knew I heard a dying wombat in here! Oh Jess, don't go that way they're gonna get ya!
Nicky and Alex cover their eyes
Joey: Jess, floor it!
Jesse: Hey when I want your advice, I'll beat it out of you.
Video Game: Danger! Danger!
Jesse: Advice! Advice!
Joey: Uhh...eat the power biscuit!
We hear crunches, and a burp
Joey: That was tasty.
Becky and Danny enter
Becky: Okay boys, time to wash your little hands for dinner.
Joey: Oh we're still playing!
Jesse: Yeah, 5 more minutes..please?
Becky: Not you. Nicky and Alex. C'mon guys!
Nicky and Alex walk in front of the TV. Jesse and Joey shoo them away
Danny: Michelle, you've been playing this game for hours honey.
Michelle: I'm not exactly doing much playing.
Jesse: What's that? What is that?
Video Game: Mayday! Mayday! Losing Power!
Jesse: Losing power? Joey give me power! I need power! Give me power!
Joey: Alright captain! I'm givin' her all I've got! She can't take much more! We've got to find that second key!
Danny: Why don't you empty that nuclear waste can? It's starting to bubble.
We hear lively music
Joey: Wow Danny! That's it! We got the second key!
Jesse: Key 2!
Joey: Yes!
Danny: That's what a little cosmic cleaning can do. You know what let me try it?
Video Game: Moo! Moo!
Danny: Where are we now?
Joey: Oh no. The pasture of lost hope.
Jesse: Quick, eat that power biscuit right behind that cosmic cow.
Becky: Wait! Don't eat it, don't step in it. It's not a power biscuit. Oh, you city boys don't know much about cows!

We find Stephanie and Gia in Jason's car with Barry
Gia: This is so cool.
Stephanie: Yeah this is great but, you don't have to go through the park to get to my house.
Jason: Oh don't worry it's a short cut!
Barry: Hey you know what would make it even shorter?
Jason: If we went faster?
Stephanie: Faster!?
Jason: Yes!
Gia: Yes!
Jason starts speeding as a car honks at him
We hear Stephanie and Gia screaming
Stephanie: Okay, okay! The gas pedal works fine! Now let's try the brakes. You do have brakes?
Jason: Uh..I don't know, I've never used them!
Stephanie: Jason slow down!
They drive past a "Sharp Curve Ahead" sign
Jason: How come everybody always drives on the right side of the road?
Barry: Yeah?
Jason: Let's give the left a shot!
Barry: Yeah!
They start driving in the left lane. A truck is coming their way
Stephanie: Jason there's a truck coming!
Jason: Oh my God! The wheel is locked!
Stephanie and Gia scream
Then, Jason turns away from the truck
Jason: Yeah!
Barry: Awesome!
They high five
Stephanie: This is so crazy!
Gia: C'mon..when's the last time you did anything this cool?
Stephanie: Never.
Gia: Woohoo! Tunnel!
The car skids
Stephanie: What are we stopping for? Burn rubber!
Jason: Yeah!
The car speeds off

We find DJ in the kitchen. Stephanie enters
Stephanie: Deej, I just had the greatest time of my whole life!
DJ: Hey it's Sweet Sixteen. You kids grow up so fast.
Stephanie: For your information, those guys gave us a ride home in the coolest car.
DJ: You got in a car with Beavis and Butthead?
Stephanie: They happen to be great guys! And they are so funny! First Jason drove on the wrong side of the road, and then, he pretended like the steering wheel was locked! We came this close to a truck.
DJ: Wow, does he have an older brother? Maybe we could all double date and drive off a cliff together!
Stephanie: Jason's a very good driver. He's had his license for almost 3 months!
DJ: And it never dawned on you that you could get hurt?
Stephanie: What's with you? Haven't you ever been 16?
DJ: I have! You haven't remember?
Stephanie: It's no big deal, I went out and had some fun.
DJ: Fine you're home, let's just drop it.
Stephanie: Did anyone notice I'm late?
DJ: See for yourself.
Stephanie enters the living room
Stephanie: Hey guys!
Everybody: Hey.
Stephanie comes back into the kitchen
Stephanie: Guess not.

Back in the living, everyone is still playing the game
Danny: Watch out for those rocks.
Jesse: Go right! Go right!
Joey: Right, right!
They all sway right
Jesse: Now go left! Go left!
They all sway left
Joey: Waterfall!
Jesse: Go up!
Becky: It's a kayak! It doesn't go up!
Jesse: It's enchanted for crying out loud!
Everybody: Woahh.....!
Danny: We're okay.
Becky: We landed on the Pond Of Peace.
DJ comes in
DJ: I hate to interrupt this moment of tranquility, but I really don't feel like eating alone at a table set for 9.
Danny: Yeah, DJ's right. It might be a good time to take a break from our little quest, noble as it is.
Jesse: Yeah let's just put the game on pause. Honey! Put the game on pause! We'll come back after we have a nice leisurely dinner.

We find everyone eating fast in the kitchen
Joey: Done?
Jesse: Game time!
They all get up and leave
DJ: Thank you. I'll do the dishes! Don't worry about a thing! Buh bye, buh bye now!
Gia enters
Gia: Steph get your coat! Jason's outside with his car!
Stephanie: Cool! I got a need for speed! Let me just tell my dad I'm going out.
Stephanie enters the living room
Stephanie: Hey, dad can I go out with Gia?
Danny: Did you do your homework?
Stephanie: It's Saturday.
Danny: Good..just be home at... trolls at 12 o'clock!!
Stephanie: Cool! Curfews at 12?
Danny: No, no no! Trolls at 12..you be home by 9.
Stephanie: Okay, see ya dad.
Danny: Bye.
Stephanie enters the kitchen
Stephanie: That was almost too easy.
DJ: Steph...are you sure you wanna do this?
Stephanie: Let me think about it...thinking....thinking....I'm outta here!
DJ: Steph, You're not going.
Stephanie: What are you talking about?
DJ: I'm sorry, I can't let you go.
Jason honks
Stephanie: Gia, tell the guys to hang..I'll be right out.
Gia: I thought you said your sister was cool.
Stephanie: She used to be.
Gia leaves
Stephanie: Deej, forget it! There's no way you can make me stay!
DJ: I'll tell dad.
Stephanie: Okay there's one way. I can't believe you'd squeal on me!
DJ: I can't believe you'd put me in this position!
Stephanie: What about all those times you snuck in after curfew and I never said a word?
DJ: That's different..this is dangerous!
Gia comes in
Gia: Steph are you coming or what?
Stephanie: Yeah I'm coming.
DJ: No, you're not!
Stephanie: You're bluffin'
DJ: I'm telling.
Stephanie: I'm going.
DJ: Steph, I'm serious!
DJ opens the door and yells
DJ: Dad!
Danny: Yeah Deej?
Stephanie: Gia, better go without me.
DJ: Never mind.
Gia: Sorry Steph.
Gia leaves
Stephanie: I hope you're happy! From now on just stay out of my life!

We find everyone in the living room still playing the game
Joey: Stick, jab, stick, jab, stick jab.
Becky: He's down!
They all cheer
Michelle: Whoopdeedo.
Danny: You know what? This is fun. How often do you get to spend a pleasant evening just surrounded by the people that you love.
Yelling You idiot! He's not dead he's only stunned! You don't know what you're doing!
Joey: You don't know what you're doing!
Danny: Yes I do!
Jesse: It's time for someone else to do the controls...me!
Becky: Guys guys guys! This is no way for grown men to behave! It's a good thing I'm a grown woman! Now give me!
They all fight for the controller
Michelle takes the game out
Everybody: Hey!
Michelle: Game over.
Danny: Michelle why did you do that?
Michelle: I had to stop the madness. Look at you! You fighting over a silly game. You oughta be ashamed.
Alex: Shame on you!
Nicky: Double shame!
Jesse: The boys are right..I mean we were completely obsessed over this thing.
Danny: Yeah Michelle, thank you for snapping us out of it. I don't know, I just kind of got in and I zoned out and I didn't know what was happening. Like when I empty Joey's hamper.
Joey: You know what? I think we just need to get back to our normal lives around here. I'm gonna go play with Mr. Woodchuck.
Becky: Tell him I said hi.
Joey leaves
Jesse: Thanks Michelle.
Becky: Thanks Michelle.
Danny: Yeah thanks..
Danny kisses Michelle
Becky: C'mon guys! You wanna bring your book?
Jesse, Becky and Danny leave
Michelle: It's about time.
She puts the game back in
Michelle: Okay you wombats! It's gonna be a long night!
Comet puts his paw on the controller
Michelle: Don't even think about it!

We find Stephanie in her room reading
DJ: Steph we need to talk about this.
Stephanie: There's nothing to talk about. You just hate to see me have fun.
DJ: Oh yeah Steph, that's real bright. The first thing on my mind when I wake up is, how can I make Steph miserable today?
Stephanie: So you admit it!?
DJ: Oh, you're losin' it!
They start arguing, Danny comes in
Danny: Guys, guys guys! Take it easy. Whatever this is about, it can wait. Um, Steph, I just got off the phone with Gia's mom. Gia was in a car accident tonight.
Stephanie: No.
Danny: Yeah.
Stephanie: Is she okay?
Danny: Well, she got some bumps and some bruises and she's gonna be in the hospital overnight.
Stephanie: Oh my God.
Danny: She was with two other guys and one of them broke his leg and got cut up pretty badly. They were really lucky they were wearing their seatbelts. The car was totaled.
Stephanie: I can't believe it.
Danny: Didn't you say something about going out with Gia tonight?
Stephanie: Oh..well, yeah but:
DJ: But when Gia showed up with those guys, Steph decided not to go.
Danny: Really? Steph that showed incredibly good judgment. You have any idea how proud of you I am honey?
Stephanie: Probably too proud.
Danny: Oh never. Gia's mom said she wanted her to take it easy. You can call her tomorrow, okay?
Stephanie: Okay.
Danny: Goodnight sweetheart.
Stephanie: Goodnight dad.
DJ: Night.
Danny: Goodnight.
Danny leaves
Stephanie: I could've been in that car.
DJ: Yeah but you weren't.
Stephanie: Because of you. I mean, I knew it was dangerous but, I wanted to go anyway. I am so stupid.
DJ: No, you just think that nothing bad could ever happen to you.
Stephanie: Did you ever think like that?
DJ: Nobody knows this but, one Halloween when I was 13, I told dad I was sleeping at Kimmy's, and she told her mom she was sleeping here. We thought it would be great to stay out all night.
Stephanie: Was it?
DJ: Well, I thought so at the time. I mean, we were all over the city! We even hitchhiked up to Berkely.
Stephanie: You hitchhiked!? What are you nuts? That's so dangerous!
DJ: Well I know that now! But, back then I was young and stupid..like you.
Stephanie: So how do you get to be old and smart?
DJ: Well, after a while you just get this little voice inside tells when something's dangerous, and if you're lucky you learn to listen to it.
Stephanie: I think I heard that voice before I got in the car with those guys. It sounded a lot like dad.
DJ: Yeah well, as you get older it starts to sound a lot more like you.
Stephanie: I'm glad you were there for me tonight Deej. Listen, I'm sorry about what I said. You're still pretty cool.
They hug
Stephanie: I felt so bad when dad said he was proud of me. I mean, maybe I should just tell him.
DJ: He's gonna be pretty mad.
Stephanie: Yeah...that's why I'll uh, soften him up with your hitchhiking story first!
DJ: Steph! Steph!
Stephanie runs out of the room as DJ follows her

***End ***

Guest Cast:
Gia Mahan: Marla Sokoloff
Jason: Scott Whyte
Barry: James Alan