Full House Scripts - Season 8

Teaser:

Kimmy enters Dj's room
Kimmy: Hey Deej, wait until you see the prom dress I just bought, it is so me.
DJ: Is that a good thing?
Kimmy: Are you kidding? Well, of course I haven't bought the batteries yet. Duane is gonna love it.
DJ: Wow, you have a date and a dress. So far my prom is looking like a bag of chips and our remote control.
Kimmy: Deej, you spend your whole year dating Nelson and Viper, nobody knows you're available. I'll put the word out.
DJ: You're not gonna do anything tacky, are you?
Kimmy: Of course not. Let me borrow your magic marker.
DJ: Kimmy, I don't want my name on a locker room wall.
Kimmy: Right, initials and phonenumber. (She takes the marker)
DJ: (Chasing Kimmy) No, Kimmy, Kimmy, Kimmy, give it back.

We find Danny taping Michelle when she's horse-back riding...
Riding instructor:: Heels down, Michelle, look up and open up your shoulders. Look at your fence to give you plenty enough time to see that fence. Good, open up your shoulders, look up. Good.
Danny: Hey Michelle, you're doing great.
Michelle: Thanks.
Danny: You see, all those quarters we pumped into that little horse in front of the supermarket really paid off.
Michelle: I'd be even better if I didn't have to sit all the time with Joey.

Later we find Danny and Michelle entering the house where Becky is in the kitchen...
Becky: Hey, well, let's see. Riding hat, riding pants, riding boots. Wild guess, you were riding?
Michelle: And jumping.
Danny: She did great. I don't know Becky, there's something about being around horses that makes you wanna shower and shower again.
Then Stephanie walks in, as Danny leaves the kitchen...
Stephanie: Hey aunt Becky.
Becky: Hey Steph. You're [used to lay] home from school before this.
Stephanie: Well, I stayed late to work on my scene for drama class. It's so cool. We're doing the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet. And I'm Juliet, and Andrew Berkley is my Romeo, he's a total babe.
Becky: You know, I did that play in junior high. It wasn't a lot of fun though. Well, I went to an old girl school. In fact, I was Romeo.
Stephanie: Well you see, the only problem is, whenever we get to the kissing part, he just.stops.
Michelle: That's because you have dry lips.
Stephanie: Excuse me, but I do not have dry lips.
Michelle: Oh yeah? They look like two sun-dryed gummybears.
Becky: Steph, don't listen to her, your lips aren't.... you might wanna think about breathing through your nose.
Stephanie: [Chapstick], I need [chapstick].
Stephanie runs up the stairs, as Jesse and Joey walk in...
Jesse: Hey Beck, guess what two wacky dj's have an audition for their own late-night wacky tv-show?
Becky: Casey Kasem and Howard Stern?
Jesse: No, and no. I will give you a hint. One of them is the father of your children.
Becky: But I said Howard Stern.
Jesse: No, it's us. We came up with a great concept. Joey, tell her.
Joey: You see, Beck. Each week we will go to an unusual location and meet with unusual people, with unusual jobs. We will get to experience just what it's like to be (imitating Daffy Duck) Unusual.
Becky: Oh, I think you pretty much got that part down.
Jesse: You see for our audition, we're gonna tackteam wrestle Sven and Ingemar, the Swedish Spleen Stampers.
Joey: Here's something Jess, if we're gonna be on life tv with professional wrestlers I better go find my tights. Cause if not, I'm gonna have to shave my legs. (He walks away)
Jesse: God I hope he finds it.
Becky: Well honey, I think that this is great, but are you sure that you have time for another project?
Jesse: Honey, we're talking about my own tv show here.
Becky: Yeah I know, but you already have your own radio show, your own band, your own club, and your own kids and your own wife who likes to see you more than twelve muntes a day.
Jesse: Well, there will be some things I always have time for.
Becky and Jesse Kiss...
Joey: (Yelling from upstairs) Hey Jess, can I borrow your razor?
Jesse: I gotta go.

We find DJ sitting at the table as Kimmy walks in...
Kimmy: Hey Deej, great news. I've got a healthy response to my search to find you mr. right.Call it in, boys.
Five nerds enter the house...
DJ: Kimmy, what did you do, raid a Star Trek convention?
Kimmy: Hey don't start getting picky now. By the way, are you a stickler for stuff like personal hygiene?
DJ: Call me weird, but yes.
Kimmy: Rats! Bachelors number two and five, hit the showers.
DJ: Congratulations Kimmy, you've hit an all-time low.
Kimmy: Come on, Deej, at least talk to them. You've got nothing to loose.
DJ: Except my dignity.
Kimmy: That's the attitude!
DJ: (To the nerds) So...
The nerds all step backwards
Kimmy: Try not to startle them.
DJ: Uhm, has any of you ever been to a dance?
Two nerds raise there hands
DJ: With a woman?
One of the nerds lets his arm go down...
DJ: Who wasn't in your family?
The last nerd also drops his arm.
DJ: Okay, thank you, we'll get back to you.
Kimmy: Okay boys, hollow back out.
DJ: Where are you going?
Kimmy: I'm driving the van, I've got to get them back for their allergy shots.

We find Michelle grooming a horse, when another young girl walks by...
Elizabeth: Hi.
Michelle: Hi.
Elizabeth: My name is Elizabeth, and that's my horse, sir Reginald the third.
Michelle: I am Michelle, and this is my horse, Old Peppermill, the rented.
Elizabeth: Are you going to be on the jumping competition next week? It's really cool.
Michelle: Sounds like fun. What do you think, Peppermill? if you like the idea, just stand there.
The horse doesn't move...
Michelle: He loves it!
Elizabeth: Great! I'll see you there.
Then Danny walks to Michelle...
Danny: Hey, honey, you were fantastic out there. You know what, I think maybe you missed a spot. Let me please. ( he grooms the horse)
Morgan: When you're done with that horse, could you cam out my little girls?
Danny: I'm a parent, not a groomer.
Morgan: I'm sorry, you just had the air of stable help.
Danny: in that case I'll take the dollar, thank you.
Michelle: Dad, guess what. There's a jumping contest next week, and I really wanna be in it. So does Peppermill, he practically begged me.
Danny: I don't know Michelle, you just started jumping. And then for those contests you need a whole formal riding outfit. That costs a lot of money.
Michelle: I don't mind.
Danny: Yeah, I'm sure you don't. But before I make that kind of commitment, I wanna make sure that you stick with riding longer than you stuck with ballet, and soccer, and raising see monkeys.
Morgan: I think you're making a very wise decision.
Danny: Thank you. I 'm sure as a parent you'll understand.
Morgan: Oh absolutely. Loosing a competition can be very traumatic for a young child.
Danny: I think you're missing my little parenting point here. It's not about winning or loosing.
Morgan: of course it isn't. Especially if you're loosing. You don't wanna get her hopes up for nothing.
Danny: I don't know if you saw Michelle riding out there, but if she entered the competition she could win.
Morgan: Enjoy you're little fantasy, because in reality my Elizabeth wins this competition every year.
Danny: Oh really? Well, not this year, because Michelle Tanner is gonna kick your butt.
Morgan: Come along Elizabeth, this is why you don't go to public school.
Danny: Come along Michelle, we're going shopping.
Michelle: But dad, I thought you don't want to spend all those money on new stuff.
Danny: yeah, but that was before I was just reminded how much money we're gonna save by sending you just to poublic school.

We find Stephenaie sitting on the couch...
Danny: Hey.
Stephanie: Hey dad. Oh, camera and a saddle, big date tonight?
Danny: No, this sadlle is gonna be ridden by the best dressed rider in the Bayview junior equestrian competition. I proudly give you the lovely Michelle Tanner.
Stephanie: wow, Michelle. Hey, if we gave you a lantern, you could stand on the front lawn.
Michelle: Thanks for buying me all this stuff dad, but what if I don't win?
Danny: Don't worry about that sweetheart, winning is not everything.
Michelle: I'm glad to hear that.
Danny: yeah, as long as you beat that Elizabeth girl with that loud moud mother.
Danny walks away, as somebody knocks at the door...
Stephanie: I'll get that. Michelle, scram.Oh, hi Andrew, come in.So, you're all ready to rehearsal a little Shakespeare?
Andrew: You bet, I've been reading the play all day.
Stephanie: Yeah, me too.
Andrew: Do you understand it?
Stephanie: Not a word.
Andrew: Me neither.
Stephanie: Michelle, I sais 'out'.
Michelle: Why do I have to elave?
Stephanie: Because I said so.
Andrew: You know, Steph, it might be a ggod idea to have an audience.
Stephanie: That's what I was thinking. So, why don't we take it from where we left off, right before the kiss.
Michelle: Now this I got to see.
Stephanie: My bounty is as bountless as the sea, my love is deep, the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite. (To Andrew) Uh, this is where you [scale] the balcony, but for now you can just use the stairs.
Andrew runs up the stairs...
Stephanie: I hear some noise within, dear love adieu.
Their heads move towards each other...
Andrew: And we kiss, end of scene.
Michelle: I knew it, dry lips.
Andrew: Excuse me?
Michelle: That's okay, I don't blame you. It's like kissing a cactus.
Stephanie: Michelle!
Michelle: What's the big deal, I didn't tell him you have a crush on him.
Stephanie: pardon me Andrew, whilest I braket here bones!
Michelle: Dry lips, dry lips.
Andrew: Why don't you guys work this out, uhm, see you later Steph.
Stephanie: Michelle, I can't believe you're doing this to me, I'm never gonna forgive you.
Michelle: I think dry lips make people kranky.
We find Jesse in the living room when Michelle walks in...
Michelle: Uncle Jesse can we talk?
Jesse: Absolutely, but not right now, I have too many things going on. Joey and I have to work on some holds for this wrestling thing we are doing. Is it important munchkin?
Michelle: Well, I'm just really worried about this jumping competition.
Jesse: Oh, don't worry about it. You're gonna be great, you're gonna knock them dead, you gonna kill them, you're gonna do whatever it is you do at those competitions.
Michelle: Jump.
Jesse: Yeah okay, you're gonna do that.
Michelle: Well, I'm glad you can be there on Saturday.
Jesse: Well, hold that gladness shorty, I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it, I've got so many thigs going on, I've got to do the books for the Smash club, I got to rehears the band, I got to find a new band for the Smash club, I got to do this wrestling thing with Joey. I don't think I don't even have time to finish this sentence.
Michelle: You just did.
Jesse: Oh, you see, I'm behind already.I'm sorry kiddo, you'll be great.
Then Joey appears upstairs, dressed up...
Joey: Ah, behold. The masked marbel.
Jesse: it's more like the masked meat-head.
Joey: Come on Jess, we're gonna be in the ring with professional wrestlers. We have to look the part, everything's gonna look big and theatrical. Well, throw another pillow on that couch and check out this entrance.
Jesse puts another pillow on the couch, Joey jumps down, and misses the couch...
Jesse: Joey.
Joey: Yes?
Jesse: Do you mind if we just skip the entrance?
Joey: Yeah, if you think so. That's a good idea, Jess. (He rolls over the couch while speaking those words)
Jesse: Get up, get up. We gotta practise some wrestling holds here so we don't look like fools in the ring, okay?
Joey: Okay.
Jesse: I'm over here.
Joey turns
Joey: You're overe there.
Jesse: Right now, come here. I wanna put you in a little head lock here. Hand over.
They do some wrestling practise...Then the twins walk in...
Nicky: Can we play to, daddy?
Jesse: Boys, we're not playing, we're working.
Alex: You got a weird job.
Jesse: That's because I have a weird partner. Okay, what's next.
Joey: Now Jess, I'm doing what's called an escape.
Jesse: Which is?
They do another practise...
Joey: Hey, are you okay?
Jesse: I think I bruised a site-burn.
Nicky: Should we help you daddy?
Jesse: No, no, no, boys, don't help, just go sit down over there.
Alex: You're no fun anymore.
Jesse: Boys, there's time to have fun, and there's a time to be serious, right now it's time to be serious. Joey, put your ankle in my arm-pit.
Joey: No Jess, let's try this. Lay downflat on the mat and put one of your legs up in the air.... Nothing personal.Now, that leg up in the air. I come over like this, I grab your foot, I put my leg over like this, I put that hand there and then.. (He turns Jesse's foot0
Jesse: ow, ow, ow, why are you twisting my ankle?
Joey: So this will feel good. (He lays down)
Jesse: You got my legs all locked up.
Joey: That's the name, leg-lock.
Jesse: How do you un-lock the?
Joey: Well, either I put my foot around your neck like this, and....
Jesse: Oh, ow ow ow. This isn't working.
Joey: Well, the other way is to get the big book of wrestling holds of my bed and see what it sais.
Jesse: Boys, boys, here's your chance to help daddy. Run upstairs, and get the big book from Joey's bed.
Nicky: Sorry, you said no help.
Alex: Let's go brother.
The twins leave the living room...
Jesse: Joey, this is all your fault. Come here so I can smash you on the head. Come here, come here...

We find Michelle and Elizabeth at the riding competition....
Michelle: Hey Elizabeth, I wanted to wish you good luck today, and tell your horse to.
Elizabeth: Thanks, good luck to you guys too.
Danny: Hey Beautiful, how's my favorite junior jumper?
Michelle: I'm okay, but old Peppermill could use a peptalk.
Danny: I can handle that. Okay, Peppermill, I'm gonna tell you the same thing my beloved track coach told me right before my very first big track meet. Tanner, you keep those water bottles filled.May not apply here, huh
Morgan: Oh, there's my little champion. Now, listen. Don't forget, after you win we're going out for a big, big, victory dinner.
Danny: Michelle, after you win, we're going out for a big victory dinner, and a victory movie.
Morgan: Now, Elizabeth, remember what your instructor told you about visualising? Picture yourself jumping and clearing the hurdles.
Danny: Michelle, picture yourself jumping and clearing those exact same hurdles, only higher and faster.
Morgan: how dare you steal our visulisations? I paid good money for those.
Michelle: Uhm, dad, we really need to get ready for the contest.
Morgan: I'll see you in the winners circle.
Danny: Winners circle? I guess you'll be there to congratulate us.
Michelle: Riding used to be fun.
Elizabeth: yeah, before parents got involved.
Michelle: I've got an idea, why don't we skip the contest and just go riding on the trail? For fun.
Elizabeth: Tanner, you're a genius.
A little later we find the girls leaving...
Elizabeth: This is gonna be great.
Michelle: Yeah, hey, let's get out for the trail, come on.
Elizabeth: This is so fun!

We find Danny arriving at a table, where everybody except Jesse and Michelle is...
DJ: hey, how is Michelle doing?
Danny: She's doing great. She's ready to roll, she's champing at the bit. Actually, that was Peppermill.
Nicky: Mama, we want a horse.
Becky: Okay, I'll get you one when you're older.
Alex: How old?
Becky: Old enough to carry a shovel.
Speaker: Now presenting our junior jumper competition.
Morgan: Where's my Elizabeth? She's not there.
Danny: I guess her kid couldn't handle the pressure.
Stephanie: Dad, Michelle's not out there either.
Joey: I thought you just told me she was champing?
Danny: That was the horse.
Joey: he's missing too.
Danny: Okay, we'll be right back, wait here.
Danny and Joey run away...

We find Danny and Joey at the exit...
Danny: She's not in there, where could she be?
Joey: Don't know.
Danny: Jess, what are you doing here?
Jesse: I re-arranged some stuff., I'll do the books tonight, rehearse tomorrow, and I'm gonna check the new band next week, and if I keep talking, we're gonna miss the competition.
Danny: I'm glad you're here, but right now we have to find Michelle.
Jesse: What do you mean, find Michelle, where is she?
Danny: I don't know.
Joey: Hold on, guys. (To the man sitting there) Excuse me sir, have you seen a little girl, blond hair, about [jay] high, with just the cutest darn smile and a big smelly horse?
Cowpoke: I never thought I'd get a chance to say this, but they went that way.
Jesse: can we borrow these horses?
Cowpoke: help yourself.
Jesse: Thank you.
Cowpoke: They ain't mine.
Joey: Excuse me sir, would it be okay, if I borrowed this little horse right here?
Cowpoke: That's no horse, green horn. That's mule, named Milton.
Joey: Milton Mule, what else?
The three man ride away...

We find Michelle and Elizabeth riding...
Michelle: I like riding a horse when you don't have to win anything
Elizabeth: Yeah, it's so cool. Hey, wanna jump that log?
Michelle: Yeah, let's do it.
Elizabeth jumps the tree, When Michelle wants to do it, her horse stands up, and she gets thrown of. She lies on the ground without moving...
Elizabeth: Michelle, Michelle. Michelle, are you okay? Michelle, wake up.
Then the three men come riding towards the girls...
Elizabeth: Michelle, wake up. She fell of her horse.
Danny: Michelle? Don't move her.
Jesse: She must have hit her head.
Joey: Oh my gosh, what happened, is she okay?
Danny: I don't know. Michelle, do you hear me? Honey?
Michelle doesn't respond...

***To be continued***

Guest Cast:
Elizabeth: Ebick Pizzadilly
Andrew: Will estes
Morgan: (Elizabeth's mom) Shannon Cochran
Riding instructor:: Allison Kristman
Cowpoke: Biff Manard