Fan Fiction - Written by Doug Fowler - Book Universe

"Toot!" The little girl whined as Michelle laid her down for a nap.

The youngest daughter of Danny Tanner - who ran a home daycare in the house she'd grown up in - was used to strange statement from kids. Especially since this was Kimmy and Duane's little girl, who had just turned three.

"I'm sorry, July," Michelle said sweetly as she tenderly rubbed the girl's back that autumn day. Kimmy had named her girl, born in October, after a mid-summer month. Michelle had given up trying to understand Kimmy, though. "I don't understand what story you mean. We've tried Thomas the Tank Engine and The Little Engine That Could, and another one I liked when I was little. I'll have to ask your mom what you mean."

July sighed. "Okay, Miss Michelle," she murmured as she began to doze off.

Michelle checked on her own toddler, Jesse Joseph, and then went downstairs. "Hey, Dad," she said to Danny Tanner. She then hugged and kissed her hsuband Jeff Farrington, an occasional co-host on "Wake Up, San Francisco" and more often just general sports reporter. "Hey, honey. July's finally down for her nap; Jesse's still asleep. I never did figure out what she wanted me to read to her, though."

"Knowing Kimmy, it could be anything. Even a phone book. Which would be a good way to lull a kid to sleep, it'd be boring enough," Jeff, a former class clown, considered.

"Right. Then you throw in the random way in which small children express themselves sometimes, and you've got a whole lot of things. She could want to hear that tongue twister about the Tudor who tooted the flute for all we know," Danny joked.

Michelle laughed, the delighted giggle that reminded everyone of her late mother. Pam Tanner had died when she was a baby, and Pam's brother Jesse had moved in to help raise her and her older sisters, Stephanie and D.J.. So had Danny's best friend, Joey. Now, all had families of their own. "Yeah, right. Although I guess it's possible."

"Well, I was joking, but…" Danny shrugged. "If the Giants win tonight, we've got the perfect guests lined up for tomorrow. Well, actually, Willie Mays is a perfect guest no matter what."

"That must have been so much fun to see him play. Say, that reminds me," Jeff said suddenly. "We're all getting together to watch the Series; there'll be quite a few kids around, young and old. We'll need some good fodder to keep some of them entertained, although I guess the older kids like baseball pretty well. Maybe that'll help Joey with his comedy show."

Michelle agreed. "I bet we'll come up with lots of good ideas. I still remember when Joey had that ice skating thing where I was dressed as a penguin - well, then I gave it away not knowing it was a comedy." She chuckled. "It was appreciated eventually, though."

Michelle watched a toddler girl for a couple hours, too, at the home business she'd incorporated - "House Full of Love." As that girl's mother was picking her up, Kimmy came from where she worked as a beautician. July ran and leaped into her arms. "How was she today?" Kimmy asked. "Hope you don't mind us staying for the game. Duane had an emergency run to do way over in Oakland, so we don't have anything to do." Her husband, Duane, was a plumber who often just said "whatever" to anything.

"Really good. And, it's not a problem," Michelle said as she invited Kimmy in. Other family members were already there. They'd grown to accept Kimmy's weirdness, especially since she wasn't over there all the time anymore. "Just don't take off your shoes." Kimmy still had very smelly feet."

"Tell Miss Michelle that story," July insisted.

"Oh," Michelle suddenly recalled as they sat. "That's right. Thank you for reminding me, July," Michelle said, trying to encourage politeness. She turned to Kimmy as pizza, chicken, and potatoes were brought in by Joey, his wife Susie, and their children, Robin, Justin, and Wendy - the latter two from Susie's first marriage. She'd been a widow when they met in late summer of 1995. "Kimmy, July kept insisting on a story or something, but none of the ones I tried worked. She kept saying 'the toot story.' I'd like to know which one it is so I can tell it to her."

Kimmy smiled as the children eagerly passed out plates and napkins. "I thought everyone knew…well I guess I sort of came up with the rest myself. But, with the Internet the way it is, I thought it would have gotten around," she said as July flung a bunch of plates toward the people. "One at a time, remember?' she corrected her. Robin, ten, helped July picked up the plates and distribute them. "'A Tudor who tooted the flute, tried to tutor two Tudors to toot. Said the two to the tutor…" Kimmy began.

Danny's mouth flew open as Kimmy finished the tongue twister. "That was supposed to be a joke."

"Never underestimate Kimmy's ability to make things weird," Stephanie mumbled.

"Of course, I tell her the whole story. Don't I?" Kimmy asked July, who agreed.

Wendy, visiting from Danny and Joey's alma mater, San Francosco State - she was in her first year of college there - asked, "What whole story?"

"Do we want to know?" Jesse asked his wife Becky, who shrugged.

Their twins, Nicky and Alex, were in college at the University of Nebraska, but their adopted children were still there. Melanie, in her middle teens, and Tatiana, ten, both inquired as to whether Becky might have had the author on "Wake Up, San Francisco" with Danny; she still co-hosted there for the most part, though she was considering retirement. "Maybe someone local wrote a book about it," Melanie offered.

"Hey, that's great idea. I could get a childrens' book out of it. Or, maybe Samantha and her husband, Colin, will when they retire," Kimmy said. Samantha was a professional ballerina, Colin a baseball player that the Tanners knew; both loved working with kids and enjoying writing and drawing stories.

"Let's hear the story first," Stephanie said carefully as she cradled and fed a bottle to her first child, eight-month-old Pamela. "There might be, well, bits that could be improved," she hedged, knowing how strange Kimmy could be, as well as dumb at times.

"Sure. The Tudor who tooted the flute, he knew beans really made him go toot. So he started to tutor those two tooting Tudors after eating lots of that fruit," Kimmy said.

"Kimmy, I think beans are vegetables," D.J.'s husband, Steve Hale, pointed out. "That's where they are in the store, with peas, carrots, and corn."

"I think I remember Dad calling them legumes once," D.J. noted. Danny could always be very detailed when he spoke, rambling a lot if he wasn't careful.

'Vegetable can rhyme with table, but legume?" Kimmy tried to figure out how to fit that into the story.

Stephanie's husband, Robert, rescued her. "When it comes to cooking they're considered vegetables, I think because there's no pulp. But, they're really closer to fruits."

"Honey, at times like this, it's not always a good idea to encourage Kimmy," Stephanie reminded him.

"Okay, great," Kimmy said, ignoring Stephanie's comment. "Then it goes on. 'The tooter who tooted the flute, started to help the Tudors to toot. But it seems that the kicker caused the Tudors to snicker, toots were more from the fruit than the flute.'"

Justin, a high school junior, scratched his head. "I think I see where this is going."

"It's not pretty," Tatiana observed.

"Let's hear someone else's ideas; I'm sure Joey wants to hear everyone's ideas for his comedy show," Jesse said, adding a begging, "Please."

Jeff wasn't sure what to think. "The goofy, Joey-like side of me wants to hear all of it." Michelle nudged him playfully. "But, I'm sure Michelle wants to hear other things, too."

Kimmy said there were other things. "Wait till you hear about the recital. Lots of funny stuff comes out of the end."

"Tell me you didn't just say…" Becky said, catching the unintended pun.

Jesse looked at his nieces. "I'm so glad Kimmy trusts you to be caregivers for her daughter."

"Oh, yeah. That was clever of me," Kimmy said, finally getting the pun herself.

"So, your friend Cassie still likes medical school?" Danny asked Michelle abruptly. She said Cassie Wilkins was now starting her rotations; she'd try all sorts of different areas, but she was almost sure she wanted to go into pediatrics. "I wonder what kind of stories doctors have for their kids. Or around the dinner table. I know she's told you about some interesting cases from her professors."

Michelle remembered. Cassie had been there for their Fourth of July picnic. "Dr. Landres is getting up in years, he's heard really good things about her. So, he'd like to wait till she finishes her residency so he can turn some of his practice over to her," she finished proudly concerning one of her best friends. "Although, I think like Kimmy's story, it would be better if we saved them till after we finish eating."

"Yeah, guys, and there's baseball on, too. You're not watching…" Robin chuckled, as an ad came on just as he said that. It figures. "The commercial. Okay, so how long will she be going to school?" he asked. When told how long it took till one finished residency, he was stunned. "Do they have to know every single cell in the body?"

"Well, doctors need to go inside people, make all sorts of crucial decisions, a lot more than nurses. There's such a small difference in things that can lead to a completely different diagnosis," Danny remarked. "But, there are a lot of little things they have to know about…" Even though he wasn't the neat freak he had been, he still got a little sweaty. "Like…those little bugs that are all over our bodies…billions of them. They're supposed to be there to help us, but…" He shook his head, as if coming out of a scary dream. "I'd almost rather hear Kimmy's story now."

"Sure thing, Mr. T.," Kimmy said joyfully. "The Tudors who did learn to toot, said they wanted some of that good fruit. They both said, 'Tutor, hear this, if a tough note we should miss, we can catch it with an extra toot.'"

"What does Duane say about this?" Becky asked, spellbound at the silliness.

Kimmy shrugged. "'Whatever.' Which is still what he says about most things."

"Somehow, I'm not surprised,' Joey remarked. Though he didn't think he'd like to use her story, considering how long it appeared to be, he was impressed with her dedication. "How long did it take you to write this?"

"A few months. Of course, I don't always remember all of it. Tell them about the time Mommy wrote it on her sleeve," she told July.

Joey's wife, Suzie, wanted to cut to the punch line - she, too, knew that Kimmy would likely have missed something very important, like making sure what she wrote on wasn't clothing. Susie asked, "How long did it take to get the stain out?"

"I didn't. But, July learned a very important lesson about how bad it is to use markers where you shouldn't, huh?" July nodded forlornly.

"Speaking of people who don't have time to think, the game is on, the Giants are up to bat again," Justin insisted.

Robert asked if Joey ever thought of a baseball routine. "Imagine how Satchel Paige and Dizzy Dean might have done on Vaudeville. Have a couple pitchers who keep telling taller and taller tales about their games, or getting really confused."

Joey liked the idea. "Maybe I can visit your show tomorrow and ask Willie Mays for ideas. That's so amazing to have a player like that on the show. It's like having Bugs Bunny on."

Melanie, more into baseball than Jesse, gawked. Mays, a Giants great, was one of the best of all time. "What kind of comparison is that?" she asked, pulling out her cell phone. "I have got to text Nicky and Alex that one. That is just so crazy."

"No, really." Joey explained. "Both are incredibly gifted in every aspect of their craft. Just like Willie Mays was always considered the perfect, five-tool player, Bugs Bunny is the perfect, five-tool cartoon." He thought a moment. "Or, however many tools they have."

Wendy and Suzie were both excited now. They suggested that Joey could be a talent scout looking for good cartoon characters as Robin and Justin tried to shush them.

Kimmy retorted, "Yeah, listen to your boys and be quiet" in a loud voice before realizing that she, too, was making too much noise. Those who were more interested in the game took the seats closer to the TV, watching and taking some interest in the conversation, too, as they finished eating.

Joey like his wife and daughter's idea. "Let's see, you have comedy, acting range," Joey enumerated.

Jeff agreed. "They have to have a variety of scenes. I mean, I know you love Popeye, but he's just bland. All he ever does is fight a big bully and rescue Olive Oyl."

Michelle smiled. Her husband - whom she'd known since they were little - had become quite blunt like Michelle. Still, she pointed out one other positive aspect. "He has that laugh," Michelle reminded him. "I know it isn't much, but it's like a trademark."

"Yeah, but boy, I don't know if I can dismiss Popeye like that if we do a cartoon scouting bureau. I mean, that laugh was the first funny thing I ever learned," Joey said gloomily.

"Harmon Killebrew," Justin said.

Danny reminded him, "If you want to answer a trivia question, it would help to wait till they ask a question. And, I bet it's going to be about a Giant, not a member of the Twins."

"If there's more than two players, how come they're just called Twins? What are there, 25 on the roster? They should be twenty-fiveplets," Kimmy asked. Nobody had a logical answer.

"No, Uncle Danny, I mean about Popeye," Justin said as he turned from the TV. "Killebrew only hit home runs - at least, among the things he was great at. His batting average wasn't high - lower yet because of the era. His fielding was very good but not great. And he couldn't bunt and couldn't run really well. But, he was so good at what he did he made the Hall of Fame."

"That makes me feel a little better," Joey noted. "But, okay, I guess Bugs Bunny uses tools like anvils and holes and things well - there's a tool. But, spinach is a prop, like an anvil or a hole," he contended.

"Spinach naturally makes you stronger, though," Jeff protested. "Holes that you draw don't naturally let you go through them."

"Spinach doesn't exactly make you grow huge biceps in no time flat, though. Or, make theme music play when you eat it," Stephanie pointed out as she peeked over at the game.

Robert told Stephanie, "I might still need to tell our kids it makes you stronger fast. My parents always told me that."

As usual, Kimmy didn't catch that he only meant the strength. "Your parents told you it made theme music play when you ate? What was your theme song?'

"How about the theme from Jeopardy?" Robert smiled at Stephanie. "Think that'll keep her quiet and thinking for a while?" Stephanie said it would.

Joey wanted to get back to the cartoon scouts. "I guess I could make it sort of like the Muppet Movie, with all these cartoons coming together to find good performers. But, would these be with the cartoon companies, or what?"

"That's a great idea. Cartoon scouts go out looking just like talent scouts would go looking for performers in the swamp where Kermit lived," Michelle said.

"Okay, now do humans or other cartoons do it? Hmmm, it'd probably have to be cartoons," Joey speculated. "They would know what's needed. Although, the human element would allow more comedy, because you'd have humans talking like…well, like we are about what makes a cartoon great."

After they talked for a moment, the others groaned as Kimmy piped back up by saying, "July's getting sleepy with the game being near the end. Don't you want to hear some of the last lines? Maybe your cartoon scouts could find me."

"You would make an interesting cartoon," Jesse acknowledged.

"The tooter recital that night," Kimmy began, "was timed with two terrific toot plights; for the two tutored to toot had but one working toot flute, and the Tudor had beans in big bites."

"You know," Stephanie told Michelle and Jeff, as she sat after putting baby Pamel in her bassinette, "suddenly I know why July loves vegetables - especially beans."

"Even I'm not a clown enough to get our kids to eat vegetables like that," Jeff said. Jesse didn't even think Joey would be.

"Well, sure, why should I be? I mean, when you can use spinach like Popeye, maybe you can have other vegetables give you other super powers. Like broccoli for brain power - both begin with 'br-' - and some, well, even if it just makes hair grow between your toes or something."

Just as Jesse was about to ask Joey what good hair between one's toes was, Justin called out, "Hey, guys, do you want to see the last outs?"

Duane and Kimmy snuggled, as he had returned from his emergency call by then. He pumped a fist in the air as the Giants were down to only one more out. "It's so, well, whatever!" he shouted with incredible enthusiasm.

"Oh, wow; just think, for the first time in 56 years, since they were back in New York!" Danny said excitedly. "What an incredible moment!"

They all whooped and hollered as the Giants made the last out. "San Francisco - world champions," Jeff declared. "What a great day for our city!"

They celebrated for another few minutes, then they slowly began going back tot heir homes, with school and work the next day. They were thankful they lived on the west coast, so at least they could see the whole thing.

"Hey," Kimmy said as she poked her head back in. "While Duane's carrying July out to the car, I know she fell asleep already, but don't you guys want to hear the rest of my poem?" Several people said "no thanks." "Suit yourselves." She left.

"Yeah, we can crazy enough stuff on our own,' Robin remarked.

Joey put an arm around him and said, "Well, Son, you got to see what some cities wait even longer for." He still beamed at the idea of having his own child. But, then again, it had felt like Danny's were his own for so long, the way he'd cared for them. "This was a great season."

"Yeah, but why not use this to get the kid to eat his vegetables? I mean, all those payers probably eat theirs," Jesse remarked as both families prepared to leave.

"Maybe he doesn't want to get them mixed up," Robin suggested.

Justin responded to the puzzled looks. "Yeah, you know how that's the standard athlete's advice - 'Study hard in school and eat your vegetables.'"

"Right. If an athlete ever got them mixed up, do you want kids to start eating their schools?" Robin asked, faking shock.

"Chip off the old block, man," Jesse said after a second, patting Joey on the back as they left. After all these years, he still didn't know what to make of Joey's comedy at times.

"Yep. It sure is great, isn't it?"

"You said it, man," Jesse told Joey. Joey really puzzled him at times, but he could certainly share in that pride of having someone take after them.

Stephanie and D.J. were last to leave with their families. "Of course our pitchers are so good, they may as well have taken table legs up to bat," Stephanie quipped after they hugged the others good night. "There's one table you only have to use the legs some of the time."

"Why would you only use the legs some of the time?" D.J. asked as she grabbed her purse.

"Because it's a periodic table," she said in a slight Groucho Marx impression.

D.J. patted her on the back as they left. "You've got quite a bit of Joey in you yourself."

Everything was finally put away later that evening. Michelle and jeff prepared to go up to their attic apartment, when Michelle saw Danny looking at a picture of Pam. She knew he didn't get down like he would the first few years. Still, she kissed Jeff and said, "I'll be up in a minute, sweetheart." Jeff gave a nod of understanding and went upstairs.

Michelle sauntered toward Danny as he continued to smile wistfully at Pam. He noticed her and quickly shifted gears. "Hey, that was a great celebration, wasn't it? Boy, our pitching staff was amazing. And that fifth starter was the most expensive and he wasn't even on the postseason roster," he remarked.

"Yep. I'm sure Mom was watching down from Heaven with such excitement. Of course, nothing compares to up there, but I'm sure she still likes to see us happy," Michelle commented, wanting to draw out any sad feelngs Danny might have.

"Yeah, I'm sure, too." Danny put an arm around Michelle and sat the picture back down. "Don't worry, pumpkin, sad. Just when the announcers talked about how long it had been, I got to thinking for a minute. That's before Pam was born."

"I know. We always have so many great things to celebrate," Michelle said.

Danny nodded. "We do. I don't think about her like I did those first few years. But, well, let's just say I've always been glad to have others here with me." Michelle said she could tell. "To be perfectly honest, I'm glad I can help you with your home daycare. If it wasn't for you staying here, I'd be bugging your or one of your sisters or Uncle Jesse or Joey to let me live with them. It's not like I have to have someone with me. But, it just helps to remind me even more I've still got people here who care for me. It helps for those few times I do think about the fact it could be over half a century between Pam's death and when I see her again. When we married we were so young I was thinking we'd have six, maybe even seven decades together easily."

"I know, Dad. I'm glad you give us plenty of space to live our own lives, but I'm also glad you're here," Michelle said fondly.