Fan Fiction - Written by Martin van Dam - Season 9 |
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Episode (26) 218 - Full House Forever
(season finale) Teaser: It's the year 2030. We find the girls, DJ 53 years old, Stephanie 47 years old and Michelle 43 years old, entering the house, some days after the funeral of Danny, who died at the age of 74. Stephanie old: What a mess in here, it's obvious dad is death. Michelle old: Please, don't keep reminding me. Stephanie old: It's hard to deny it, Michelle. DJ old: Look at all the dust. Stephanie old: San Francisco will never be the same now. Michelle old: Let's start cleaning the mess, the new owners want the house empty next week. DJ old: It's hard to say goodbye to this house. We lived together here for so many years. Michelle old: It's the place where grew up. I thought it was hard to say goodbye when I moved out. Dad had some trouble then too. Stephanie old: You were the last one, no wonder. First DJ moved out, then I moved, then you. After that, Joey inherited that theatre in Las Vegas and he moved. Well, and of course last year, when Jesse and Becky moved to Nebraska, to be closer to Nicky and Alex. I think dad died of the silence around him. DJ old: Look, I think he was watching all of his old tapes he made when we were younger just before he died. Michelle old: I guess he was taping every big moment in our lives, wasn't he ? Stephanie old: I guess so. That reminds me of all the memories we had here. DJ old: Me too. Michelle old: Shall we watch those tapes ? DJ old: Why not ? We've got a whole week to clean this up. The old Michelle takes one of the tapes and puts it in the VCR. The old Stephanie turns the television on...
DJ old: I still remember how it all started.. Stephanie old: Yeah, Grandma was leaving, and uncle Jesse and Joey came... And they didn't know what to do when Michelle had to be changed... Flashback Jesse: Where will we put the baby? Where will we put the child. Joey Uh... the pot, over here. Jesse: Ooooo, wow, Joey, this is a living thing, you don't stick in the pot, use a meat rack. Joey: I'm an idiot. Jesse: Come on, Joey: Okay. Jesse: All right, good. Settle down here, here we go. Stephanie: Are you gonna cook Michelle? Joey: We're changing her diaper. Stephanie: Oh, then how do you roast a turkey ? End of Flashback Michelle old: That was really fun, wasn't it ? I had a really good laugh back then. DJ old: Michelle, you were a baby back then. Michelle old: Hey, at least I was there. Look, I found some old pictures, is there a story with those ? Stephanie old: Of course. DJ old: Here Joey hears about his new room. Flashback Joey: Just out of curiosity, does anybody happen to know where all my stuff is ? Danny: Yeah, we moved it down to the garage. Joey: I see. Well, maybe there's something else you like to tell me, like 'goodbye' ? Danny: Joey. Joey: Adios, hit the road Joey. Jesse: Joey, your stuff is in the garage, go check it out. Joey: I check it out, and then I'll pack it up. You just threw all my stuff down in the garage ? Why did you not fling it out on the front lawn ? Am I still getting my mail here or did you forward it to the gutter ? All walk down into the garage.. Joey: I didn't demand to move in here, I volunteered to help out, if you didn't need my help, all you need to say was....... Joey is an idiot. End of flashback Michelle old: Too bad I didn't see his face. Stephanie old: But you were witness at lots of fun moments too. DJ old: Yeah, like that time we broke the wall in dad's room. Stephanie old: You were a great help. By the way, I wonder if that hole is still there. DJ: I believe so, we never told dad. Flashback DJ: Now I'm just gonna get a shirt and tie and we'll be out of here. This one looks good, and dad hasn't scheduled to wear it until next Thursday. Stephanie: I'm in luck, he has another one just like it. DJ: Forget it, there's no way you're going out of this house dressed like me. Stephanie: Did you ever think maybe you're the one dressing like me ? DJ: Leave the shirt alone... leave it alone! The girls pull the shirt, and all the shirts and the bar where they're hanging on, fall down... Michelle: You're in big trouble, mister DJ: Look what you did now, now get out of my way I have to fix it. Stephanie: No, I can fix it myself. DJ: Let go of it. Stephanie: No you let go. DJ: I said let go! Stephanie: Okay. Stephanie let's the bar, which the girls were pulling, go and it goes through the wall... Kimmy: Well, I can see by the old hole in the wall, that it's time for me to go. Michelle: You girls will never learn. DJ: Dad, dad is going to get home any minute, what are we going to do ? Stephanie: I know, let's blame Kimmy. End of flashback Stephanie old: Look at this picture. Michelle old: Isn't that the time Dad, uncle Jesse and Joey were taking part of the bachelors auction ? DJ old: Yes, I still remember that. It was live on television and dad taped it. Michelle old: Maybe it's this tape. DJ old: Let's have a look Flashback Danny: For an evening of diner and dancing at Luigi's two weeks from now, Mr. Joey Gladstone. The bidding starts at $100. I have a hundred, do I have one-fifty ? One-fifty, do I see 200 ? Two hundred, $200. Ladies, I don't think you understand what we have here. This man is a comic, he does impressions. If you buy him, you buy a date with anyone who your fantasy desires. Tom Selleck. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Sylvester Stallone. Oh, $200, do I have 250 ? 250, do I see 300 ? $300, going once, going twice,.. sold for $300 to the woman with the bird on her hat. Lady #1: Hi hansom. Joey: Hi, I guess I'm your date. Nice bird. Lady #1: You're not for me darling, you're a little gift for my grand daughter. Oh Heather. Heather: Hi, he's cute. Thanks grandma. Joey: Yeah thanks grandma. Danny: And that brings us to bachelor number 12. Becky: Oh, wait a minute. It seems that Danny has conveniently forgotten that he's bachelor number 11. Ladies, Mr. Danny Tanner. He's my co-host on Wake up San Francisco, he's a barrel of fun and look... he can change colors, he's turning red before our eyes. Go get them tiger. Danny: (Talking into a rose) Uhm, al right, remember, this is for a very good cause. (Now into the microphone) Our date includes diner, so at least you will get some food. Hey, I've got a bid. $100! Oh, bless you miss. I've got another bid. 150!Oh thank you so much. Okay 200, anybody $200. Don't stop now ladies, I can go all night, All the ladies raise their hands... Danny: No, I think you misunderstood me, what I meant was.. uhm.. sold for $150 to the lady with the bird on her head. Do you have another granddaughter ? Lady #1: Oh no, sweety, you're for me. We're gonna boogie all night long. Danny: I'll take a nap that day. Okay it's time now for bachelor number 12. Mr. Jesse Katsopolis. Come on Jesse. Jesse is an upcoming advertising jingle writer he's a musician and he's got... Lady #2: Would you just get on with the bidding ? Danny: Right, do I have a hundred dollars ? All ladies raise their hands.. Danny: Stupid question. 200 ? Again, all ladies raise their hands... Danny: 300 ? Danny: What do you think of that, Jesse ? Jesse: $1000 for a night with me, no pressure there. Danny: $1000 going once, going twice... Becky: 1100. Lady #2: 1200. Becky: 1300. Lady #2: 1400. Becky: 1700 dollars! Danny: How about 1800 ? Lady #2: Take him, I could never explain 1800 dollars to my husband. Danny: Sold to Rebecca Donaldson for one thousand seven hundred dollars! End of flashback.... DJ old: Well, from that moment she couldn't deny her feelings to uncle Jesse anymore. Stephanie old: Look what I found here. The tape I made for the school project. I've been looking for it for months and I couldn't find it. Dad had it all the time. Michelle old: Yeah, I believe he was watching the old tapes every day until he died. DJ old: Let's watch it. Flashback Stephanie: Okay, we are now entering the Tanner household. Joey: Steph, what's the deal with the video camera ? Stephanie: I'm doing a video project for school: A day in the life of the Tanners. Joey: Stephanie, I'm happen to be in the middle of a very important coaching session right now. Stephanie: That's okay, just act natural. Wow, when was the last time you got around to trimmer those nose hairs ? Joey: Stephanie, these are very private nostrils, you can't use that. We find DJ running around, with a thread from Steve's sweater... DJ: Stephanie there's no way, Stephanie give me that tape, Come on, I'm really serious. Steve: DJ, I'm losing sleeve here. DJ: I mean it, you can not use this Stephanie. Give it to me. We find Becky and the twins in the kitchen.... Becky: (dancing) Bad boys, bad boys, what you're gonna do, when they come for you.... Uhm, how much of that did you actually happen to see ? We find Jesse in the bathroom, talking to his hair... Jesse: Boys, you've been shampooed, conditioned and hot-oiled. I want you standing proud, blowing in the breeze, hanging over my face, looking natural tossed in just the right angle. But most important and I can't stress this enough, never, I repeat never, fall out. And hey let's guys, be careful out there today, I'm proud of you. We find Danny, Jesse and Michelle in the garden with a ball... Danny: Al right, you guys see that knothole in the fence over there? Don't take your eyes of. Plant the left, swing the right and capowy! Jesse: Plant the left, swing the right, and capowy! We find Comet in the kitchen... Stephanie: Just so you don't think everyone of the Tanners is a nutbar, here's Comet. Comet, come get your rubber pork chop. Woa! I certainly can't use that. We find Michelle on the football field, heading for her own goal... Michelle: I scored I scored I scored! End of flashback Stephanie old: I believe I still have to do that editing. DJ old: Hey, what's this picture ? Stephanie old: That's Kimmy, hanging in a tree, I couldn't help myself making it. Michelle old: How did she get there ? I can't remember that. Stephanie: In will tell you. Flashback Danny: Al right, she's tighten up, let's try her out. Stephanie: Uhm dad, nice teeter, but I'm not seeing much tatter. Danny: Kimmy, did you getting weight ? Kimmy: Yeah, I'm up to 260 now. Danny: I must have over tightened it. Becky: Let's all push together. Danny: Al right, on three. Three. Danny, DJ, and Becky push together, Kimmy gets launched and ends up in a tree... Becky: Excellent dismount and she really nailed that landing. End of flashback Then the front door opens... DJ old: Jesse! Jesse old: Hi girls. I thought I go check out if they need some help cleaning the house. Michelle old: We found some of the old tapes dad used to make. Jesse old: That sounds like fun. I see you got some pictures too. DJ old: where's Becky ? Stephanie old: Do you happen to know where this picture has been taken ? Jesse old: Let me see. Yes, I do. That was when I started going on the road again with the Munkey Puppets. That's our hotel room. Those were great times, and so was my hair. I hate that they all left me. DJ old: You're taking it pretty well, that you're almost bald. Jesse old: I've had some therapy for the last ten years. Michelle old: So what's the story with the picture ? Jesse old: Okay, I'll tell you. Flashback Jesse: Number eight, my favorite room, check this out. See, look at this, isn't this....nice ? When Jesse turns on the light, a dirty an old room appears... Becky: It's charming, although I'm guessing there are no mints on the pillow. Jesse: No, but there's a life saver stuck to the nightshade. I probably left it there years ago. Come on in everybody, come on in. Let's have some fun, al right boys. Jesse touches the curtains and dust comes out of it... Jesse: It seems to be a little funkier than I remember, but the best part is the view. You guys will love the view, there's this beautiful lake.....right behind that ugly wall. Joey: (Walking in with cases and bags) Manny says not to leave the equipment in the car, it seems this neighborhood is not as nice as these lovely rooms would suggest. Jesse: Why do you put it in here ? Nicky: Can we watch tv, daddy ? Jesse: I'll get the remote. (He takes the remote, which has a chain on it) Oh yeah, well, that's good thinking, why would you want a remote that you can carry around with you. Or one that even works for that matter. Becky: Oh look, you need a quarter to work the tv. Becky puts in a quarter. Then the bed starts shaking... Nicky: Earthquake! Becky: No honey it's not an earthquake, it's a vibrating bed. It seems the wires are crossed. Well now wait a second, if a quarter in the tv turns the bed on, then... Becky puts a quarter into the bed. Then they hear a toilet flush... Becky: That's a good thing to know. Joey: Anyone got change for a twenty ? End of flashback All laugh. Then Joey walks in with a stick... Joey old: Hey, are we laughing without me ? DJ old: Joey! Joey old: Hey, you didn't think I would miss my last chance to say goodbye to this house, did you ? Hey, I see you're watching old tapes and pictures. Can I join you ? Stephanie old: Sure, why not. Michelle old: Too bad dad isn't here anymore. This would have been a great reunion. Joey old: Hey, that's my old car. I remember I just bought and cleaned it and needed some paint, so I went out to get it and then Stephanie took a wild ride. Stephanie old: Tell me, I thought 'r' was for radio. DJ old: I remember when Michelle told us about that car. Flashback Michelle: There's a car in the kitchen. DJ: Yeah, and there's a bus in the bathroom. Stephanie: Good one. Some later.... DJ + Kimmy: Woa baby! DJ: There's a car in the kitchen. Michelle: I told you so. DJ: Michelle, do you know how Joey's car got in here ? Michelle: Yes I do. DJ: How ? End of flashback Joey old: And then I came home... Flashback Danny: Joey, are you okay, you got us worried sick. Joey: Danny, I'm fine. Danny: In that case, you're in big trouble mister! Joey: Hey look I know, I'm a little late, but you won't believe what happened. I had this little nick in my car, right. Danny: You don't say. Joey: And I want to buy some touch of paint, and you never believe who I ran in to. Danny: Speaking of running into things, come with me into the kitchen. Joey: Oh, you are mad because I took the last ice cube and didn't refill the tray ? DJ: I want to get in first. Danny: Something like that. Joey: Danny look, I'll go to the store, I'll buy some more ice, everything will be fine okay, don't worry about it. (He walks into the kitchen...) My car! Rosie. This is my punishment for not filling the ice cube tray ? Danny: You say you didn't know about this ? Joey: If I did, don't you think I bought a bigger jar of touch out paint ? End of flashback DJ old: Speaking of cars, I still remember my first driving lesson. Jesse old: Me too, Mustang Sally was never the same from that moment. DJ old: No, I meant the lesson dad gave me. Flashback DJ: Okay, seatbelts on. Danny: Very good. DJ: Can I be any more responsible ? (She puts the key into the contact) Okay, and the car on. Danny: Woa woa woa, aren't you forgetting something ? DJ: Oh yeah, radio on. (She turns the radio on and switches channels) Danny: Deej! DJ: Dad, I have to learn to drive with music like a normal person. Danny: I don't want you driving like a normal person I want you driving like me. Just follow my instructions completely now, okay ? First adjust the mirrors. Very good. Now Deej, listen to me, get your radar out, okay ? Examine the big picture. Check for traffic, pedestrians, straight cattle. DJ: Dad, we're in an empty parking lot. Danny: Are you gonna question every instruction I give you ? DJ: Sorry, no cattle. Danny: Very good, now, secure the litterbag. DJ: This is unbelievable. Litterbag secured sir, anything else ? Danny: No, I guess that that covers it. Why don't we just pack it in for today and let it all sink in? DJ: What ? I didn't even get to drive. Danny: Okay, I guess we can move on to lesson number two. Okay, now, with your hands holding the wheel firmly at ten and two. That's eleven and one, ten and two. Okay, put your foot on the brake and carefully put the car into drive. Okay, now slowly and gently take your foot of of the brake and put it onto the accelerator, pressing ever so lightly. DJ drives away... Danny: Ever so lightly! Put it in park, put it in park. DJ: Dad, you are making me so tense. Danny: Tense is good that will keep you alert. I'm sorry, let's start all over again, okay ? Hands on ten and two. Foot on the brake. Put the car into drive. This time keep your foot of of the gas pedal. Let's master the fine art of riding the brake, okay. DJ drives away very slowly... Danny: This is nice, there's no need to be a speed demon. DJ: Dad, I think a snail just passed us. Danny: Wait, stop! Stop! DJ: Now what ? Danny: We're heading straight for that tree, don't you see it ? DJ: You can't mean that tree on the other end of the lot, dad, I'm nowhere near it. Danny: I didn't say you were near it, I asked if you saw it. You will never learn how to drive if you don't listen to me. End of flashback Michelle old: Look, I found something to eat in the kitchen. Stephanie old: Michelle, that lives. Jesse old: I think that has been out of the refrigerator for too long. Joey old: Food that lives, that reminds me of that time we went to that pirate restaurant Flashback Joey: What is taking my diner so long ? DJ: Are my friends looking at me ? Danny turns his head and sees DJ's friends looking at them.... DJ: Can I wait in the car ? Danny: Honey there's no fun happening in the car, all the fun is right here. Stephanie: Uhw! Why did I order this ? Here Michelle. Michelle: Uhw groas, kill it daddy! Danny: Michelle, it's just an octopus and it's already dead. Danny takes the octopus, and also lifts the plate that's under it... Danny: (To waiter) Excuse me sir, could you put our little eight leg excess of a pot back in the tank please ? Michelle: Are you sure it's not my birthday ? Danny: Yes, sweetheart for the hundred of times, it's that little girls birthday, and that's why she gets the chocolate cake, al right. Michelle: Is she gonna eat the whole thing ? Stephanie: Michelle, just suck it up and move on. Pirate: Ahoy! Knockwurst and potato pancakes for the landlubber. Joey: Well, it's about time. Pirate: hey, I know you, you're ranger Joe from tv! Hey kids, let's come here, it's ranger Joe! Joey: Kids, I'd like to sign you an autograph, but could you wait till after I finished my diner ? The a boy sneezes over Joey's plate... Joey: I'm finished, okay, where's that pen ? End of flashback Stephanie old: I remember that one. Joey old: Oh look at this, 'Joke on Joey'. Michelle old: And you thought you were the master of April fools. Flashback Jesse: Okay jo-jo, time for the big lottery drawing. Danny: Okay Michelle, turn on the tv and then turn on the tape. Joey, Joey, be with your family, the people who love you. Joey: What's everybody doing here, you guys always tell me how dumb I am for buying lottery tickets. Becky: Oh not today Joey, we are here to cheer you on. Jesse: Yeah, it's your lucky day buddy, Michelle turn this on. Host: And here are the numbers on this weeks super lotto $50 million jackpot: 14... Joey: Hey, I actually got one. Host: 5. Joey: Yes. Host: 29. Joey: Yes. Host: 41. Joey: Yes. Host: 23. Joey: Oh my god yes. Host: And the last number is: 6. Joey: Yes, yes, yes, I won, I'm rich. Oh Michelle I think I'll buy a ranch, a big ranch, and I'll give you that pony you always wanted. Oh forget the pony, I'll buy you a horse, a big horse, a big, ten foot tall horse, with a big golden saddle. I'm a fifty millionaire, yes! Danny: Joey, this is incredible, I wanna touch it, I wanna feel it, I wanna smell this puppy. Jesse: Hey, I said it's his lucky day, let me smell the puppy. Danny: Hey, I was smelling the puppy first. Jesse: I wanna smell the puppy second. Danny: hey, come on, don't be a baby. Jesse: Oh, come on. Joey: Guys, don't rip it. Danny: Let go of it. Jesse: Fine. Jesse let's the ticket go and it ends up on the fire in the fireplace... Joey: My money, my $ 50 million. Joey want to jump into the fireplace... Danny: You'll burn your hand. Joey: I'll buy a new one. Becky: Joey, face it, it's gone. Joey: Gone ? Jesse: Yeah, well Joey, you know what they say. Jesse + Danny + Stephanie + Michelle + Becky: April fools! Joey: What ? Joey: You mean this was a joke, but I saw it on tv. Jesse: No, you see, we taped the drawing from last week, right, we went out, we bought those numbers and we switched that ticket with your ticket. Joey: But there's no tape in there. Becky: Well sure there is, I put it in this morning. Michelle: I pressed the play-button. Joey: I'm telling you, there's no tape in there, I took it out this morning to clean the heads. We were watching the real show. Jesse: Have mercy, Joey's ticket actually won. The fireplace! Jesse and Danny try to get the ticket out of the fireplace... Danny: Nothing but ash is it. Joey: Well, you know what they say: 'April fools!' the tape was in there the whole time. Jesse: ooh, knucklehead got us again! Joey: Here's a little hint, next time don't label it 'joke on Joey'. Michelle: Oops! Joey: Gang, next time, don't mess with the king. Joey walks into the kitchen, when he opens the door, water falls down on his head... Jesse + Danny + Stephanie + Michelle + Becky: April fools! End of flashback DJ old: We really got you that time. Joey old: You were just lucky. Jesse old: And that on your lucky day. Stephanie old: we really had lots of fun in this house, all living together for so many years. Jesse old: Yeah, I know. But those times are far behind us now. Michelle old: And all we have left are these pictures and tapes. Jesse old: Hey, this is from my wedding. Joey old: I remember, how Danny and I tried to tell everybody that you were too late. Flashback Kimmy: This crowd is getting restless, you guys better lock the exits. Danny: Joey, we have to tell these people something. Joey: We can't tell them the truth. Danny: I can't lie in church. Joey: Neither can I. We take them out to the parking lot and lie to them there. Danny: That is a dumb idea! Nick: Hey what's up ? Irene: Where's my baby ? Danny: oh, well, the truth is, your son... would everybody like to accompany me to the parking lot ? All stand up... Kimmy: I know why Jesse's late. He's in the slammer. Danny: You can all sit down now. End of flashback Jesse old: Yeah, but I ended up with a great choir for the song I wrote to Becky. DJ old: It sure was beautiful. Stephanie old: Aunt Becky was touched. Flashback Jesse: (Singing) If every word I said, could make you laugh, I'd talk forever. I asked the sky just what we had, it showed forever. If the song I sing to you could fill your heart with joy I'll sing forever.. Choir: Forever, forever... Jesse: I've been so happy loving you. Choir: Baby let me sing forever, I wanna beloved forever, baby let me sing forever, I wanna be loved forever Jesse: If every word I said, could make you laugh, I'd talk forever Choir: Forever, forever Jesse + choir: I've been so happy loving you Jesse + Becky: let the love I have for you life in your heart and be 4ever Choir: Forever, forever Jesse: I'll be so happy loving you... End of flashback
Full House - The new stories
It's 2030 and we find Stephanie, Michelle, DJ, Jesse and Joey keeping up memories of the old days, after Danny's funeral... Main characters:
Guests:
Episode information:
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