Fan Fiction - Written by Martin van Dam - Season 9

Episode (9.06) 198 * The Winner Takes It All
Written by: Martin van Dam

Stephanie, Steve and Kimmy take part at the try out for a new quiz. Stephanie is afraid Kimmy might know more than she does. Jesse tweaks a radio controlled car the twins got from their grandparents.

Danny Tanner is in the kitchen of the Tanner household. He's humming a cheerful melody, while he takes a cake out of the oven and puts it on the counter. When he's done he takes a dust buster and vacuums the oven mitts.
"Time to put some cake frosting on top of that cake," he says to himself. He turns around to get the frosting, but he stops humming and opens his eyes widely as he's shocked by what he sees.
"A mouse in my kitchen?" He says. "A mouse in my kitchen?!" He says a little louder. "Come here, you rodent." Danny starts chasing the mouse, which runs into the living room.
When Danny has just left, DJ, Steve and Michelle come in through the back door.
"Thanks for the ride, guys," Michelle says.
"O look, cake!" Steve walks to the counter. "It's still hot as well."
"Hot chocolate cake. I like it," Michelle says.
"Guys, I don't think that cake is meant to be eaten right now.," DJ says with a maternal tone of voice. She's too late however, as both Michelle and Steve have already grabbed a fork and took a piece of cake.
"You should try it, it's good!" Michelle says, with her mouth stuffed.
DJ shrugs. "Dad is not going to like this. Michelle, you know what he thinks about taking things without asking or sharing."
Michelle puts her fork in DJ's mouth. After she swallowed the cake, she nods "Dad isn't going to like this, but this cake is good!"

- Intro -

Danny is on the phone in the living room, when Jesse and Joey walk in through the front door.
"Yeah, there must be a whole colony of those rodents here. Okay, thank you."
Danny hangs up the phone. When he turns around, he sees both Jesse and Joey gazing at him.
Joey puts his hand on Danny's forehead and looks at his watch.
"What are you doing?" Danny asks.
"Checking if you ran a fever. One second... wait for it.... There it is.... It's now three PM."
"Joey, I don't have a fever. I feel fine."
"But you were delirious on the phone. You said there's rodents in this house. That's impossible. Didn't you see the sign on the doorstep that says 'Rodents turn around, the hygiene level in here might kill you'?"
Danny smiles. "Guys, I'm not delirious. I saw a mouse in the kitchen. So I called Nick. He's coming over to get rid of the little nuisance."
Danny walks into the kitchen. Both Jesse and Joey follow him.
"Are you sure you didn't just my Mickey Mouse ears lying around?" Joey asks.
"No, Joey, I'm sure this was a real mouse."
Joey sighs. "I guess I'll never see those ears again then."
"You didn't have to call my father, Danny. I could have killed that creature for you. Now where did you see it?" Jesse smiles.
"Right over there... o my god!" Danny points with his finger at the counter. His arm is shaking.
Jesse grabs Danny's arm to stop it from shaking.
"The... c... ca... ca... ca... cake..." Danny stutters, "O man, we must have a whole colony of mice here. Half an hour ago there was a full cake. Now half of it is gone."
Jesse let's go Danny's arm and walks to the cake. He takes a closer look and then shakes his head with a big smile on his face.
"This cake was not eaten by mice. I don't see any teeth marks."
Danny's hand is still shaking. Joey puts a glass of milk in it.
"No thanks, Joey, I don't need milk."
"It's not for you," Joey replies, "I want a milk shake."
"Look guys," Danny says while he puts down the milk, "I know what I saw. I've been chasing that mouse for fifteen minutes."
"Don't worry, we'll catch that rodent," Jesse assures Danny.

Later, Stephanie Tanner, Danny's middle daughter, is at the kitchen table, reading a magazine, while Steve Hale, her sister DJ"s boyfriend, is eating a burrito. Then Becky Donaldson-Katsopolis walks down the stairs.
"Hi guys," Becky, whose full name is Rebecca, says, "Can I ask you both a favor?"
Stephanie puts down her magazine. "Sure aunt Becky, what is it?"
"Well, my boss asked me to produce a new game show. Now to test the format, we need three contestants. An hour ago I found one contestant, but I'm still two short."
"What can we win?" Stephanie asks.
"I hope it's free food at that new Chinese take-out restaurant," Steve says.
"Sorry guys, but it's a try-out, so you can't actually win anything but the honor of winning. But there's free coffee with doughnuts."
"Free doughnuts? I'm in!" Steve nods.
"I'm in too," Stephanie adds, "So who are we up against?"
Rebecca smiles. "Well, earlier today I was in the living room, talking on the phone to my boss about this, when Kimmy walked in."
"You mean we're playing against Gibbler? That means an easy win," Stephanie says. Ever since they were little, Stephanie and Kimmy, the next door neighbor and DJ's best friend, had many disputes.
"Great you guys are in," Becky says, "The try-out is tomorrow at three."
"On a Saturday?" Steve asks.
"You got the days of the week right, so you're already one step ahead of Kimmy," Stephanie says with a smile on her face.

Later that afternoon, Nick and Irene Katsopolis, Jesse's parents, enter the living room.
"Danny told me there were mice in the house," Nick says. In his hand he holds a toolbox.
"Yeah, he saw one in the kitchen," Joey responds.
"One? On the phone he talked about an entire family."
"Well, you know how it works. First there's one mouse, then one night he meets a lady mouse and before you know it, they are married and have little mice that need to be fed, changed, and educated and who then meet other mice and do the same thing. And then they get a dog and their friends come over, and before you know it, you have mice, ducks and dogs in your house," Joey explains.
Nick smiles at Joey. "You're not in Walt Disney's house, Joey."
Nick walks to the kitchen. Irene looks around. "Where is everybody?" She walks to the bottom of the stairs and starts yelling. "Girls, Nicky, Alex, come give your grandmother a hug!"
Half a minute later, Nicky and Alex run down the stairs. Jesse follows them.
"Grandma, grandma!" the boys scream. Downstairs, they both grab one of Irene's legs and hug it. Irene bends forwards and hugs her grandsons. "Did you boys get bigger again?"
Nicky nods. "We are big boys now."
Irene proudly looks at Nicky and Alex. "O, I almost forgot. I have something for you."
Nicky and Alex start jumping. "Presents!" they yell.
Irene opens her bag and takes a box wrapped in gift paper out. The boys immediately start unwrapping the paper. Nicky takes a car out of the box and Alex holds a radio controller.
"You bought them a radio controlled car?" Jesse asks.
"We found it on a second hand market. Oh, look how happy they are."
Nicky is pushing the car forward on the floor, while Alex shakes the controller.
"No boys, that's not how a radio controlled car works. Here, let me show you how it's done."
Jesse takes the controller from Alex and pushes the handles, but nothing happens.
"We did it better, daddy," Nicky says.
"Much better," Alex adds.
"Wait boys, I think this car needs new batteries. I'll go find some."

Stephanie is in her room reading a book, when her younger sister Michelle, with whom she shares the room, walks in.
"Hey, what are you doing?" Michelle asks.
"Studying for the quiz tomorrow. Soaking up knowledge, memorizing facts..."
"But you can't win anything, right?"
"That doesn't mean I don't want to win. I want to be as prepared as I can be."
Michelle takes the book from the desk and reads the page Stephanie was looking at.
"Are you sure they're going to ask you about the amount of molecules in an apple?"
"I don't know. But it might be handy to know."'
"Well, how many molecules are there in an apple?"
"I have no clue."
Michelle nods. "You need more practicing."
Stephanie stands up. "You're right, this is useless. It's just a test quiz. There's nothing at stake."
"You have your honor of course. What if Kimmy knows more answers than you do?"
"Don't be silly, Michelle. Kimmy would only know more answers than me if every answer was something like 'Huh?'" Stephanie laughs.
"Never underestimate your opponents," Michelle says, "Remember when Joey called in for that cartoon quiz on the radio and he lost against a seven year old girl?"
Stephanie smiles. "Good point. I couldn't believe anyone knew more about cartoons than Joey."

Danny is in the kitchen with Nick, his father-in-law.
"This should do it, Danny," Nick says, as both men look at a small box on the floor next to the refrigerator.
"Are you sure this will catch the mouse?" Danny frowns.
"Trust me. The mouse will smell the cheese, get into the box and the moment he steps in, the door automatically closes and the mouse is trapped. Caught, not killed, like you asked."
"Thanks Nick."
"I'll come by tomorrow to see if our little friend is in there."

On the attic of the house, Becky finds Jesse sitting on their couch. Parts of the radio controlled car that Nicky and Alex got from their grandmother are all over the table.
"What are you doing, honey?"
"My mom bought the boys a radio controlled car from a second hand store. I'm having some problems getting it to work. Even new batteries didn't help."
Becky looks at the table and nods. "Did you turn it on?"
"Of course I turned it on. Why wouldn't I turn it on?"
"Then why does this switch on the controller say 'off'?"
Jesse stares at the controller, then looks at the smile on Becky's face.
"Well look at that," Jesse says with a surprised tone of voice, "There's a switch on the controller. That means I can put this back together again."
Becky smiles at her husband. "Good luck."

That night Stephanie dreams about the quiz where she's up against Kimmy. Michelle's voice is all around her, claiming to not underestimate her opponents. Then the lights go out and a spotlight is turned on and focuses on Stephanie. She sees Kimmy on her left and Becky in front of her, both also in a spotlight.
"Okay girls, are you ready?" Becky asks, "How many years are in a decade?"
"Ten," Kimmy shouts.
"Well done, Kimmy, one point for you."
"I knew that too," Stephanie says.
"Then you should have answered quicker, honey," Becky says., "Now, who invented the telephone?"
"Alexander Graham Bell!" Kimmy shouts.
"What was the original name of New York?"
"New Amsterdam." Kimmy smiles at Stephanie, who nervously looks at Becky.
Becky asks several more question, which are all answered by Kimmy. Finally, Becky throws away the question cards in her hand and walks to Kimmy. While she grabs her arm and holds it up in the air, Becky shouts:"And the winner is... Kimmy, with 25 points and Stephanie, you are the loser with zero points."
Stephanie starts shaking her head, while she repeatedly mumbles "No, this isn't happening. This isn't happening." She sees Kimmy turning her head her way. She has a big smile on her face, that gets meaner and meaner. Then, Kimmy says:"Who's dumb now, blondie?" As these words echo all around her, Stephanie hears how Kimmy laughs evilly.
"No, this isn't happening. This isn't happening, this isn't..."
Stephanie feels a pain in her arm and opens her eyes. She quickly sits up, while she once again shouts that it isn't happening. When she looks around, she sees Michelle standing next to her bed, pinching her arm.
"Michelle, what are you doing?" Stephanie rubs the spot where her little sister pinched her.
"Trying to get some sleep. You kept talking out loud, saying something wasn't happening. Did you have a bad dream?"
"I had the most horrible nightmare I could ever imagine, Michelle. I was in that quiz with Kimmy and she beat me. I didn't answer a single question, because she knew everything faster than I did. This can't happen tomorrow. She'll rub it in for the rest of my life."

The next morning we find Jesse and the twins in the backyard. Jesse holds the controller, while Nicky puts the car on the lawn.
"Okay boys, look how it's done." Jesse puts one of the controller buttons forward and the car starts moving. Alex starts cheering, soon followed by his brother.
"Now, let's see how it turns." Jesse pushes the other button to the left and the car turns left.
"Wow, you actually got it working again," Becky says. She's standing next to her husband. Joey is standing behind her, eating a sandwich.
Jesse stares at his wife. "Of course it works, why wouldn't it?"
"Wow, is it that time already? I really have to go to the studio." Becky kisses Jesse.
"Can I play with the car?," Joey asks.
"No, you would break it," Jesse says.
"Come on, I'll be gentle. I've had radio controlled cars before. I know how to handle them."
"Joey, that was last month and you drowned it by knocking over Danny's mop bucket."
"Come on Jess, only for two minutes. Please?" Joey looks at Jesse with a sad dog face.
Jesse sighs. "Well alright But if you break it, you will make those two boys very sad." He points at his twin sons, who now make puppy faces at Joey.
"Don't worry boys, I'll be very careful". He takes the controller from Jesse and pulls one of the switches towards him. The car goes full speed backwards and hits Jesse's leg. Jesse slowly turns his head to Joey, who starts whistling and looks around.

A little later, Stephanie, kimmy and Steve are in the studio with Becky.
"Okay guys, I appreciate your help with this try-out. It's just for us to see how it works out and if there's any flaws in the concept, so it won't be broadcasted."
"Wait, so I'm not going to be on tv?" Kimmy asks with a disappointed tone of voice, "So I didn't have to shave my arm pits?"
Stephanie and Steve look at Kimmy with an expression of disgust on their faces.
"The quiz you're going to play is called 'The nuts quiz', Becky continues.
"The nuts quiz? That's not fair. Kimmy will win before the quiz even started," Stephanie desperately acclaims, "Being the nutcase she is."
"It's not about that kind of nuts," Becky smiles.
"Peanuts!" Steve smiles as he looks around, nodding his head.
"Walnuts," Becky says, "On the screens behind you, a picture will be shown of a grey walnut. Victor, our host, will ask twenty-five questions. Every correct answer you give, will give color to a piece of the walnut behind you. Who has the largest amount of walnut in color, gets the best tool to crush the walnuts for the finale. Any questions?"
"I have one," Stephanie says, "Why walnuts and why do we have to crush them?"
"Because," Becky replies, "this show is sponsored by Mike's Nut Store, the place for all your nut purchases."
Kimmy looks confused at Becky. She starts pondering for a moment and then asks: "So, what are we going to do again?"
"Kimmy, Becky just explained it very clearly," Stephanie rolls her eyes.
"I know. I just didn't get it," Kimmy responds.
"Steve, do you have any questions?" Becky asks.
Steve starts nodding. "Yeah. Where are those doughnuts you told us about?"

In the back garden of the Tanner house, Joey is holding the controller of the car. The twins are piling up leaves on the lawn, while Jesse builds a ramp, using a plank and some stones.
"Okay boys, are you ready?" Jesse asks.
"We're ready!" Alex says.
"Double ready!" Nicky adds.
"Joseph, if you could give me the controller."
Joey gives Jesse the controller. Then he looks at the boys and nods while he supports his chin on his fist and rubs his chin with his thumb.
"Boys," Joey says with a hoarse and low voice, "you're going to witness the laws of physics and gravity. Speed will lift the car up in the air and gravity will pull it right into that pile of leaves."
Jesse shakes his head. "What was that supposed to be, the nutty mob professor?"
"Don't mock with the professor," Joey says, while he puts his arms with and uses a fierce tone of voice, "or I might have to arrest you, as I am Science Cop!"
Nicky and Alex laugh as they watch Joey walk around with big steps with a strict face.
"You nut ball," Jesse laughs.
"I made up those characters for the gig I did on the junior science fair last week. The kids loved it," Joey explains.
"If the professor and his bodyguard are gone, we continue," Jesse responds, "Okay boys, watch and enjoy."
Jesse puts the car on the ground and pushes the right button of the controller forward. The car starts speeding up and drives onto the ramp. The boys start jumping up and down in excitement, like Joey does. The car gets to the end of the ramp and just falls of. The boys stop jumping.
"That was uncool." Nicky says.
"Double uncool!" Alex nods.
"Well Jess," Joey puts his arm on Jesse's shoulder, "if science cop were here, he might have arrested you for breaking some laws of science. You see, for a car to jump of a ramp, it needs high speed. And..."
"You're right," Jesse nods, "the car needs more speed. I'm going to fix that."
Jesse takes the car and walks inside, followed by the twins.

In the studios, Stephanie, Steve and Kimmy are standing behind a desk. The walnut behind Kimmy is still completely grey. Behind Steve about half of the nut is visible and a little over half of the walnut behind Stephanie is shown. .
"Okay kids, question 24," Victor, the host of the show, says, "What Italian city is known for its leaning tower?"
"Bejing?" Kimmy asks after she pushed the button on her desk.
Steve pushes the button on his desk. "Pisa!" he yells, "I know that because it sounds like pizza."
"I knew that!" Kimmy says.
"Kimmy, you say that after every question," Stephanie sighs.
"Of course. I don't want to look dumb on camera," Kimmy says.
"Pisa is correct," Victor says. More of the walnut behind Steve gets colored in, so he's now even with Stephanie.
"It's a tie and there's only one questions left," Victor says.
"So, can I still win?" Kimmy asks.
"Let's move on to the question, shall we?" Victor replies, "What is the capital of New Mexico?"
Kimmy pushes the button and looks at the game host with a confused look on her face. "Wait, there is a new Mexico? What happened to the old one?"
"You're going to say you knew the answer to this question as well, I guess," Stephanie smiles as she looks at Kimmy.
Steve pushes the button. Just as he wants to answer the question, DJ walks into the studio.
"Hey Deej!" Steve waves to his girlfriend.
"I'm sorry, but Deej isn't correct either," Victor says.
"That wasn't my answer," Steve says, "I should have said Taco Bell."
"Taco Bell?" Victor frowns.
"Yeah, I love their taco's," Steve says.
DJ, standing next to Becky, shakes her head with a smile on her face.
"To him, there's food everywhere, isn't there," Becky says.
"It's the only thing that's more on his mind than me, he says."
Becky smiles at DJ. "A man's love goes through his stomach."
"So true," DJ responds.
"Stephanie, do you know the answer?"
Stephanie ponders for a moment. "I think I do. But then I think I don't, but I'm going to give it a try anyway. Santa Fe."
"And that is correct," Victor says, "and that brings us to the finale. You al get a tool matching your score, to crack as many walnuts as you can. If you had given me 14 correct answers, your walnut would have been fully colored. Kimmy, as you have answered not a single question correctly, you get nothing. Steve, for answering 8 questions correctly, you get a nut cracker. And Stephanie, for giving most correct answers, you get a hammer."
One of the assistants brings Steve and Stephanie their tools. Another one drops ten walnuts on every desk.
"Wait, so I get no extra tools?" Kimmy wonders.
"Kimmy, that's the first time today you actually get something." Stephanie mocks.
"On my signal, you can start cracking walnuts," Victor explains, "you then have 30 seconds to crack as many as you can."
Behind the three contestants, a clock starts counting down. When it gets to zero, the game host shouts: "It's time to crack some nuts!".
Steve grabs the nutcracker and puts a walnut in. He looks at DJ and with a sturdy look on his face he bend his arm and pretends he's working out. Stephanie lifts the hammer and hits the desk in front of her. She repeats this action a few times, hitting some walnuts. She looks to her left and stares at Kimmy, who is smashing her head on the desk.
"You finally found a good use of your head, Kimmy?" Stephanie asks.
Kimmy pauses and looks at Stephanie. "Last year I did this with a paving stone on our annual family head knocking competition."
"Wasn't that when you got that concussion?" Stephanie asks.
Kimmy ponders for a moment. "I had a concussion?"
"You have ten seconds left," Victor interrupts the girls. Immediately, they continue smashing walnuts, while Steve keeps posing with the nutcracker to impress DJ.
A bell sounds and the game hosts asks the contestants to stop smashing. He walks to the desks and starts counting. "Kimmy, you smashed five walnuts with your head. Steve, you cracked only two, but it might get to the front page of Sports Illustrated. And Stephanie, you smashed four walnuts. This means Kimmy has won this edition of the Nut Quiz!"
"Wait, I got most answers right, but I didn't win?" Stephanie sounds bemused.
"What did I win?" Kimmy asks.
Becky, who's now standing with them, answers: "A headache."
"And I beat blondie there," Kimmy points at Stephanie.
"Kimmy, that was not even a quiz, you beat me at," Stephanie replies.
"Hey, what are you going to do with those nuts?" Steve asks, "Can I eat them?"

Danny and Nick Katsopolis are in the kitchen.
"Let's see, if the bait was strong enough." Nick kneels down near the mouse trap he placed the day before. As he lifts the box, he nods. "I think you're lucky, because she looks pregnant."
Danny sighs with relief. "Thank god we caught her on time. The thought of a whole family of mice gives me nightmares."
"The question that remains, however, is where this little creature came from. And where dad is."
Danny's face turns pale when he thinks about the possibility of another mouse walking somewhere in the house
"Don't worry, I'll leave the trap here, If there is another rodent, we'll catch that one too."
DJ, Stephanie, Becky, Steve and Kimmy walk in through the kitchen door.
"Hey guys, how did it go?" Danny asks.
"Kimmy won," Stephanie answers, "and she didn't get a single answer right."
"If it makes you feel any better, I'm going to propose to adjust the format," Becky says, "and only let the best two enter the finale."
Stephanie sighs. "At least I proved I am smarter than Kimmy. So maybe I didn't lose after all."
"What's that?" DJ asks Nick.
"This little creature broke in and gave your dad nightmares," Nick replies.
Kimmy walks to the trap Nick is holding and looks inside. "Charly, there you are! I've been looking all over for you."
"This is your mouse?" Danny asks.
"Yesterday he went missing when I left his cage open. We thought my brother's pet snake had eaten him, " Kimmy responds.
"Him? It's a female." Nick says.
"It is? How do you know?" Kimmy asks, looking surprised.
"Because she's pregnant." Nick replies.
"Pregnant? I have to tell Garth. Free food for his snake!" Kimmy takes the mouse from Nick and leaves the house.

The next morning, Stephanie walks into the kitchen where Michelle is eating a bowl of cereal.
"Hey Stephanie," Michelle says, "No bad dreams about losing against Kimmy?"
Stephanie smiles. "No, I slept very well. And you know, Kimmy might have won, but she only beat me by cracking walnuts with her head. I guess I was afraid she might have known more than me."
Michelle smiles. "That's such a silly thought. I bet Nicky and Alex know more than she does."
Jesse and the twins walk down the stairs into the kitchen. "Great, you're here. You have to see this," Jesse says to the girls. Then he shouts:"Hey everybody, come outside into the backyard."
Stephanie and Michelle follow Jesse to the ramp he made the day before.
"O my god!" Danny exclaims when he walks outside, "a dirt bomb exploded in the back yard."
Joey, who stands next to him, makes his Science Cop voice again. "Science Cop will investigate and arrest those who are responsible."
"Joey, there's no laws of science broken here," Becky says.
Joey now watches Danny and shakes his head. "Science Cop will leave this garden."
"What is it you wanted to show us?" Michelle asks.
"This."Jesse points at the car he's put on the lawn. "I tweaked it a little bit to give it more speed."
"Yay!" Nicky and Alex shout together, while they start jumping.
"Oh boy," Becky says.
"I know what I'm doing, huh," Jesse says, "I have done this so many times to a motorcycle."
"Oh boy," Danny now says.
Jesse takes the controller and starts smiling. "Here we go. This car should have enough speed to drive up that ramp and jump into that pile of leaves."
Jesse pushes the right control forward. The car quickly takes off and within a few seconds, almost faster than anyone can see, it drives upon the ramp and gets launched. The car shoots through the air and the family hears a cracking sound, followed by a scream.
"What happened?" DJ asks.
"Look!" Michelle points at the wooden fence that separates their garden from the Gibbler's garden. A hole, vaguely shaped like the car, is visible.
"Have mercy," Jesse whispers.
Joey puts his hand on Jesse's shoulder. "You're lucky Science Cop has left, because I think you broke some laws of physics."
"At least it didn't fall of the ramp this time," Jesse says.
"The fence!" Danny says with a tone of despair In his voice.
Joey walks to the fence and looks at the hole. "You hardly notice it," he says.
Kimmy's head appears above the fence. Her hair is messy and on her forehead are two black stripes the width of the axes of the car. In her hand she holds the car. Smoke comes out of it.
"Whose car is this?" She asks.
"Kimmy, those stripes are such an improvement for your face," Stephanie nods.
The family laughs, while Kimmy stares at them with a confused look on her face.

- End Tune -

Main Characters
Jesse Katsopolis
Danny Tanner
Joey Gladstone
DJ Tanner
Stephanie tanner
Michelle Tanner
Rebecca 'Becky' Donaldson-Katsopolis
Nicky Katsopolis
Alex Katsopolis
Kimmy Gibbler
Steve Hale

Guest characters:
Nick Katsopolis
Irene Katsopolis
Victor (Game host)

Episode information:
Story written by: Martin van Dam
Based upon: The orignal series of Full House, created by Jeff Franklin
Lay-out: Martin van Dam