Full House Scripts - Season 4

Teaser:

We find Danny and Michelle in the living room, sitting on the couch.
Danny: Okay, Michelle. Now, when your uncle Jesse and your soon to be aunt Becky get married tomorrow, you get the most important job of all: flower girl.
Michelle: Loving it, loving it. What's a flower girl?
Danny: Well, believe it or not, a flower girl is girl who throws flowers.
Michelle: (serious) I believe it.
Danny: (stands up and takes the basket with flowers) Now, you just stand right here and watch as I demonstrate. It's very simple. We simply step... and throw. Step...and throw. There, you try it.
Michelle: (walks through the living room and throws the flowers) Here comes Michelle, here comes Michelle.
Danny: That's enough, sweetheart. I got the point. You're wasting tissues, honey, please Michelle. Honey, it's not funny. Sweetheart, these were trees once.

Stephanie walks into the kitchen, with a camera. DJ walks down the stairs.
DJ: Ready.
Stephanie: And...action!
DJ: DJ Tanner presents: the making of a wedding. A DJ Tanner production, of a DJ Tanner film. Written and directed by DJ Tanner.
Stephanie: Cut! Aren't you forgetting something?
DJ: Okay, sorry.
Stephanie: And... action!
DJ: Hosted by DJ Tanner. Hi, I'm DJ Tanner.
Stephanie: Cut, again. What about me? This video is a wedding gift from me too, you know.
DJ: Okay, I see we have some ego-problems here. Let's take it from the top.
Stephanie: Action!
DJ: DJ and Stephanie present: the making of a wedding. It's the night before Valentines day. Tomorrow, Jesse Katsopolis and Rebecca Donaldson are getting married. The Tanner household is a buzz with pre-wedding excitement.
Becky rushes in, slightly in panic.
Becky: Jess! Where's Michelle? Michelle! Where is everybody?
Stephanie: Becky... We're taping this.
Becky: (looks smiling into the camera) Hello! Everything is fine. Running smooth as silk.
Michelle comes downstairs, angry.
Michelle: This better be important, I was coloring.
DJ: Look, it's the flower girl: Michelle.
Stephanie: Smile, Michelle.
Michelle: Please, no pictures. My hair is a mess.
Becky: Michelle, I have a surprise for you. Do you remember my nephew Howie?
Michelle: Howie? No.
Becky: Well, do you remember my sister Connie?
Michelle: Connie? No again.
Becky: Well, when you were two years old, Connie brought Howie here to visit. You guys were best friends.
Michelle: I got a best friend? That's cool.
Becky: Come on in, Connie.
Connie and Howie enter the kitchen.
Connie: Howie, look. It's Michelle.
Michelle: You're a boy,
Howie: You're a girl.
Howie + Michelle: Iieeuw!
Becky: You know, Michelle. Someday you're gonna like boys.
Michelle: But not today.
Connie: Michelle, why don't you show Howie your room?
Michelle: Why?
Connie: Because Howie is gonna sleep over in your room tonight.
Michelle +Howie: Iieeuw!
Becky: You guys are gonna have so much fun.
Howie: I hope she has good toys. (He runs out of the kitchen)
Michelle: Hey, don't touch my stuff, you boy! (She runs after him)
DJ: Steph, come in, let's follow the action.
DJ follows Michelle and Howie, but Steph hesitates.
Stephanie: Wait a minute. Nobody is gonna see me on this tape. (She looks into the camera) Hi, I'm Stephanie Tanner. Niece of the groom, bridesmaid, I pretty much, do it all.
DJ returns and drags Steph into the living room.
DJ: Will you come on?
Danny enters the kitchen. The tuxedo he's wearing, is too short for him and he doesn't looks very happy.
Danny: I think something is wrong with my tuxedo.
Becky: (groans) That's impossible. The tailor assured me the alterations would be perfect.
Danny: Well, maybe I hit another grow-spurt.
The doorbell rings.
Becky: My parents! Where is Jesse?
She walks away, Joey enters the kitchen. The tuxedo he's wearing is too big for him.
Joey: Where is Becky? Have you seen this?
Danny and Joey look at each other. Joey points at Danny's tuxedo and smiles.
Joey: Oh, thank God. I thought I was shrinking!

Becky opens the door for her parents.
Becky: Mom!
Nedra: Hi, darling.
Becky: Hi, dad. What took you guys so long? I thought you were right behind me?
Kenneth: Well, we were, until I got cut off by some motorcycle hoodlum in black leather.
Jesse rushes in. He's wearing a black leather jacket and he holds a motor helmet...
Jesse: Sorry I'm late. I was stuck behind some walnut driving six miles per hour.
Jesse and Kenneth stare at each other.
Kenneth: That's the hoodlum!
Jesse: That's the walnut!
Becky: No, that's my dad and that's my fiancee.
Nedra: (smiles) Well, isn't it a small world after all. Oh, it's so nice to finally meet you, Jesse!
Jesse: It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Donaldson.
Nedra: Oh, you better start calling me mom.
Jesse: Oh no, I feel funny.
Nedra: I said: call me mom!
Jesse: Okay, mom. (He walks to Kenneth and shakes his hand) And it's ehh... nice to meet you...pap.
Kenneth: Oh, you can call me Mr. Donaldson. You know, you were driving a little fast there, young man.
Jesse: Oh well, it may seem that way because you were driving a tad on the slow side.
Kenneth: I was keeping up with the flow of traffic!
Jesse: But parked cars don't count as traffic.
Kenneth: I always say: better save than sorry.
Jesse: And I always say: moving is better than standing still.
Becky: (almost crying) Oh, you hate each other. (She walks to the couch and sits down)
Kenneth: What's the matter, honey?
Jesse: We don't hate each other. We don't... Watch, watch, watch this. Pap!
Kenneth: Son!
Jesse and Kenneth hug.
Jesse: See that?
Becky: But you don't mean it.
Nedra: Oh, it's okay, sweetheart. They'll grow to love each other. We'll make them. Now, you just sit here and I'll get you a glass of water. Where...? (Becky points at the kitchen door and Nedra stands up. While she's walking to the kitchen, she hits Kenneth with her purse) And you two, hug like you mean it!
Jesse and Kenneth hug again. Then, there's a loud scream from the kitchen.

Jesse, Becky and Kenneth run into the kitchen, where Nedra is staring at Danny and Joey, who are both half-dressed.
Nedra: Oh, my God!"
Kenneth: What the heck...? What is going on in here?
Danny: Nothing. We were just exchanging pants. But in the good way.
Joey: You see, we were wearing each others clothes.
Becky: Mom, dad, this is Joey Gladstone and my co-host Danny Tanner. Remember the tapes of our show I sent you?
Nedra: Oh, of course! (She shakes Danny's hand) You look taller without your pants.
Danny: Thank you for noticing.
Stephanie and DJ enter the kitchen, with the camera.
Stephanie: We missed everything! (Looks at her father) Nice look, dad.
Becky: Excuse us. Jess, could I see you a moment? Jesse and Becky walk to the living room.
Becky: Oh Jess, I just wanted everything to be perfect. The tuxedo's don't fit, Michelle is upset because Howie is a boy, you and my dad hate each other...
Jesse: Oh, sweetheart... I admit it wasn't love at first sight, but you weren't crazy about me the first time we met. I guess it just runs in you family. Look, I promise you, I'll be friends with your dad, okay?
Becky: You promise?
Jesse: I promise. All that stuff... It doesn't matter. All that matters is, that tomorrow, at ten a.m., you and I are gonna be husband and wife.
Becky: You're right. I love you.
Jesse: I love you too.
While they are kissing, DJ and Stephanie enter, with, of course, the camera. Steph tapes them kissing, while DJ sits next to them.
DJ: The last kiss before the big "I do". A moment to be treasured. I'm DJ Tanner.
Jesse and Becky stop kissing and wave into the camera.

We find Howie and Michelle in Michelle's room. Howie is jumping up and down on his bed, Michelle is bored.
Michelle: (sighs)
Howie: I am Raphael, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
Michelle: Excuse me. (Howie doesn't answer). Excuse me. (Still no reaction) I said: excuse me!
Howie: Be quiet, Shredder. You bad guy!
Michelle: (Stands up) Let's play Barbie Dolls. She gives him a doll.
Howie: I could pull her head off.
Michelle: Drop that doll, you turtle. This is nuts, I'm out of here. (She grabs her pillow and walks to the door.)
Howie: What did I do?
Michelle: Boys!

We see Jesse in his room, rehearsing his "I do".
Jesse: (Looks in the mirror) I do. I do. I do.
Kenneth enters the room.
Kenneth: Hi, Jess.
Jesse: Hello, Mr. Donaldson.
Kenneth: Oh, call me Kenneth.
Jesse: Kenneth, listen. I'm sorry about before. We... We got kind of off to a bad start, didn't we?
Kenneth: Oh, listen. You're gonna marry my daughter, we need to start acting like family.
Jesse: Great.
They shake hands.
Jesse: Can you loan me ten bucks?
They both laugh.
Jesse: A little father-son in law humor.
Kenneth: (serious) Jess, we need to talk.
Jesse: Yes. Yes, we do. Listen, sir. I love your daughter very, very much and I'm gonna take very good care of here, I promise.
Kenneth: Which reminds me. I couldn't help it notice that you ride a motorcycle, you play in a rock and roll band, wear clothes it should be wallets.
Jesse: There's much more to me than that, sir. I'm also an Elvis freak. (He points at the big posters on the walls). See, I got pictures there, I got a big color over here.
Kenneth: That's fine, son. But you're marrying my baby tomorrow. You got to put all that nonsense behind you.
Jesse: This wouldn't be you telling me how to live my life, would it?
Kenneth: No, I'm just offering you the benefit of my experience. You know, you and I are a lot alike.
Jesse: Oh, yeah. We're two pieces in a pot.
Kenneth: Exactly. When I was your age, I was a wild one, just like you.
Jesse: (Incredulous) No!
Kenneth: Yes. Before I settled to farming, I was on the rodeo-circuit. I could hog-tie a calf in under seven seconds.
Jesse: You know, I've always wondered, this is a mystery. If it's "hog-tie" and it's a calf, why don't they call it "calf-tie"?
Kenneth: Stay with me, son, I'm going somewhere with this, okay? Now, when I married Nedra, I had to hang up my spurs and settle down. And so will you.
Jesse: I will?
Kenneth: Sure. You're gonna be a husband with a wife, responsibilities, commitments...
Jesse: It's pretty heavy, isn't it?
Kenneth: Gets heavier. You planning on having kids someday?
Jesse: Yeah.
Kenneth: Alright. Now, picture this: you're holding your little baby-boy.
Jesse: Jesse junior?
Kenneth: Jesse junior. And one look into that sweet, innocent face and you'll be trading in your Harley for a sensible, family Station Wagon.
Jesse: I'm driving a Station Wagon?
Kenneth: With one of those Garfield's all suckered to the window.
Jesse: Am I listening to talk radio?
Kenneth: All five buttons.
Jesse: Owe!
Kenneth: Son, what I'm saying is: you've had your last wild adventure, sold your last wild oat, rode your last buck and bronco. Get the point? It's over, case closed, kiss it goodbye, the fat lady sang...
Jesse: Yeah, I get it, I get it, I get it.
Kenneth: Now, if you have any doubts, better don't walk down that altar tomorrow. Understand?
Jesse: Yes, sir.
Kenneth: (Smiles) Well, you sleep tight.
Kenneth walks away, Jesse stays behind, stunned.
Jesse: Woa!

The next morning, we see Jesse and Joey in the kitchen.
Joey: Jess, it's seven o'clock in the morning. Where are you taking me?
Jesse: Ssshht. Joseph, just trust me. This is very important to me.
Joey: Jess, you're getting married in three hours. (He looks at Jesse) You are getting married, aren't you?
Jesse: Joseph, come on. I'll explain everything on the way to the airport.
Joey: The airport?!
Jesse: Yes. Now, come on!

Michelle is sleeping on the couch, when Danny walks down the stairs.
Danny: Michelle? Michelle, honey, wake up. Have you seen uncle Jesse?
Michelle: No "good morning Michelle"?
Danny: I'm sorry. Good morning Michelle. Now, have you seen uncle Jesse?
Michelle: No good morning kiss?
Danny: What was I thinking? (He kisses her) There. Now, have you seen uncle Jesse?
Michelle: No, but thank you for asking.
She closes her eyes and pretends to sleep.
Danny: I knew she was setting me up.
Somebody knocks on the door. When Danny opens it, it's Kimmy.
Kimmy: Hola, Mr. T.
Danny: Kimmy, I'm going through a major crisis here.
Kimmy: Hey, we all got problems. DJ! (She walks to the stairs.)
Danny: I gotta build a moat.
DJ comes down the stairs.
DJ: Kimmy, what is it?
Kimmy: DJ, what should I wear to the wedding? This dress with these shoes, or this dress with these shoes?
DJ: Kimmy, those are my clothes.
Kimmy: That's why I'm asking you.
Stephanie rushes in.
Stephanie: I found a note on the fridge from uncle Jesse!
Danny: Read it, Steph.
DJ: Wait, I wanna get this on our wedding video tape.
DJ takes the camera, while Stephanie is doing her hair.
Stephanie: Okay, I'm ready.
DJ: Action!
Stephanie: "Dear family. You must be wondering where I went. I kidnapped Joey, but we will be back for the wedding. There was one last thing I had to do before I got married. Jesse." Let me do that again, I can do better. (Dramatic) "Dear family..."
Danny: Steph! (He takes the letter). Oh, man. Jesse is getting married in two hours. Where the heck could he be?

In an airplane, we see Jesse and Joey...
Joey: Jess, you're totally out of your mind.
Jesse: I know. I said I'd never get in a plane with you.
Joey: No, I'm talking about skydiving. It's crazy.
Jesse: People say it's the ultimate rush. I took all the lessons, but I never jumped because I was too windy. Joseph, I got to have this one last adventure before I get married.
Joey: Do you have to do this on your wedding day?
Jesse: This is the last our of my life as a single guy. Pretty soon I'm gonna be married, I'm gonna have a family with all the responsibilities... I mean, what I'm gonna do then? Jump out of a Station Wagon?
Joey: Well, you could. Your chute might not open.
Jesse: Joey, look. I have to do this one last crazy thing before I give it all up for the woman that I love.
Joey: Isn't flying with me crazy enough?
Jesse: No.
Joey: How about when I do this?
Joey makes a looping while Jesse is screaming.
Jesse: Don't do that! (He hits Joey) I got this all planned out. I stashed my Harley, I got my tux on. I do the jump, hop on my bike, cruise to the chapel, and just enough time to re-mousse my hair and say "I do".
Joey: Great plan. Can I make one little suggestion?
Jesse: What?
Joey: Snap out of it!
Jesse: Joey, this is just something I have to do for myself, alright?
Joey: Alright. Have a safe trip. Good luck, buddy.
Jesse: Thanks, pal.
Jesse goes to the open plane door and puts on his helmet.
Jesse: Oh, and Joseph? If anything goes wrong... I want you to marry Becky.
He looks out of the door, into the depth.
Jesse: Woa!
He takes a deep breath and jumps.
Jesse: Have mercy!
Joey: Oh my god! He jumped without his... mousse!
Jesse: Did I forget my mousse?

We find the rest of the family at the wedding chapel. The guests are getting restless, because the wedding still hasn't started.
DJ: (talks into the camera) This is DJ Tanner live at the chapel and there's still no sign of the groom. Dad, how do you feel?
Danny: I feel very confident that Jesse will arrive right on time. In the next... 18 seconds.
DJ: Is that why you're not telling Becky what's going on?
Danny: No, that's because I'm chicken. (He walks away)
DJ: You heard it here first. Dad is chicken.
Michelle comes in.
Michelle: The flower girl is here.
DJ + Stephanie: Ooohh.
Michelle: I'm ready for the video. My hair looks fantastic.
Stephanie: Do something.
Michelle: Now I'll do my fish face.
She does her fish face into the camera.
DJ: Michelle, where's Howie?
Michelle: Who cares? That boy is crazy.
Howie enters.
Howie: Hello, Michelle.
Michelle: Helloooo... Howie!
Howie: You look very pretty.
Michelle: You're a hunk!
Howie: What's a hunk?
Michelle: That's what DJ calls the paperboy.
DJ: Oh, cut, cut!
Then Nedra and Kenneth walk in, towards Danny and Joey.
Nedra: Everything is ready up front.
Danny: Oh, that... that's good. That's very good.
Kenneth: What's the problem?
Danny: There is no problem.
Kenneth: You're lying! I can tell by the way you won't look me in the eye.
Danny: (To Nedra) Can you believe this guy? (Then serious) Okay, there's a little problem. You know how every wedding has a bride and a groom? Well, you take away the groom and that's what we have here.
Nedra: You took away the groom?
Danny: I didn't take away the groom.
Everybody is talking, but they stop when Becky enters.
Becky: Why aren't we starting? Danny... Is something wrong? (She walks towards Danny)
Danny: Wrong? Oh no, nothing is wrong. What could possibly be wrong? No, everything is totally under control.
Becky: Why won't you look me in the eye?
Danny: (sighs) Well, we're not all here yet.
Becky: Well, who's missing?
Nobody answers...
Michelle: (raises her hand) I know, I know, I know.
Becky: Yes, Michelle.
Michelle: Uncle Jesse is missing.
Becky: (shocked) Oh, my God. Stay calm. Just because the groom is not here, I'm not gonna let that ruin my wedding day. Mom..."
Becky and Nedra hug each other. Then Joey enters the chapel...
Joey: Wow, made it.
Everybody: Where's Jesse?
Joey: Oh, oh.
Becky: Where is he?
Joey: He must have stopped off for a can of mousse.
Becky: (relieved) Oh, thank Goodness.
Joey: Yeah, he forgot it when he jumped out of the plane.
Becky: (frightened) He jumped out of a plane?
Joey: It's okay, I took him sky diving. Last time I saw him, he was floating safely to the earth.
Becky: You took him sky diving!? Well then, where is he? What if something happened to him?
Joey: Don't worry. He said if anything happens, I should marry you myself.
Becky: (stares at him) Mom!!

In the meantime... Jesse has landed in a tree and can't get down.
Jesse: Help! Becky, I'm coming! Don't marry Joey! Help! Help!

***To be continued***

Guest Cast:
Kimmy: Andrea Barber
Connie: Debbie Gregory
Howie: Michael John Nunes
Kenneth Donaldson: Don Hood
Nedrah Donaldson:Lois Nettleton